Unnoticed.. or is it?

I think now.. is the perfect opportunity to sit down and write about my life lately...

God has been teaching me to trust Him. In ways that I didn't think He would.

It is funny because at the beginning of the semester, I was telling my roommate how I don't really mind serving people and they don't notice it, or make recognition of it.  But I do hate, however, when people disrespect and act as though I don't do anything for them.

That's kind of how being an RA gets sometimes.  I was talking to one of my prayer leaders today and it got to being close to 1 AM and she's like ahh I need to go to bed and do work! Sorry for keeping you two up so late.  And I told her how me and my roommate haven't been to bed before 2 AM pretty much all semester.  And she's in shock because she didn't know. 

Yep. The first time I think that I've been in bed before 2 all semester was when I went home for fall break.I have so many responsibilities that have to be done...  that going to bed before 2 just isn't an option.  That's my job.  I'm totally fine with it.

My job, has put me in a position of being disrespected.  Directly and indirectly.  To my partner.  To the people on my team.  You name it.  I have never in my entire 20 years of living, felt so disrespected.

But the thing that has bothered me the most is everyone's excuses for their inability to do something because they are "busy".  It actually makes me laugh... because they have absolutely no clue what busy is.  Sometimes I want to just say "uh you're an underclassman.. and you're busy?  Please explain some more why your life is so busy."  I want to go through a list of everything that I've had and have to do with my life on top of school.  It's difficult. 

But instead, I just listen.  And boy does that take some humility to listen to all the "nonsense" these people have to say and do without responding.  I never realized exactly how prideful I was until this semester.  Yeah, I knew that I had some issues with pride, but man, I never really realized HOW much of it was actually there. 

I take pride in my work in the way where I want it to be respected. You don't need to tell me I've done a good job. Just don't disrespect it. So to be in a place where that area is being violated, I have truly been able to see how prideful I really am. 

My job as being an RA is simply a job that sometimes go unnoticed by people looking from the outside.  Yes, I knew coming into the position that it would be like that, but I never knew the actual severity of it.

And when I say that I was humbled by the aspects of things, I mean it.

God has reminded me the importance of trusting Him.  Beyond my arrogance and beyond my pride.   Beyond the feeling that things would just be right if I personally took action.  Beyond the feelings of wanting to punch someone in the face or give them a spanking.

God has reminded me that this job... is not for me.  This job is to honor and glorify Him.  Through my words, through my actions.  Through my thoughts.  This job is not to gain friends.  This job is to gain followers of Christ.

This job does not go unnoticed 

 Then I think about it and am reminded just a little further....

This isn't YOUR job.  This is YOUR ministry. But most importantly.. this is MY place to work, not yours.

 
God really encouraged over the course of the past few days and honestly, I feel so much more at peace about how things are going instead of just feeling stressed out or scrambling around trying to solve them on my own. 

Again, I have been humbled...

-Quayla

RA adjustments

It's been almost two months since I have written a blog.  There have been so much going on lately and I really don't know where to start. Good things actually.

As an RA, God has been doing some awesome stuff in my life.  I remember starting out being nervous about this position. It was like I just knew I was going to make a mistake. Ha.  However, I am actually adjusting really well.  Still learning about things here and there, but for the most part, I really love being one.  I am greatly humbled that I have this position because I do not deserve it.  The fact that I am being used as a vessel by God has truly blessed me.  It's been amazing for one how I've been able to develop a relationship with the girls on my hall.  Trying to spend some time with them individually.  While I've always been the type of person to know a lot of people, I can't really say that I've had as much of a valuable relationship with people like I do with most of the girls on my hall.  While there are some that I'm still working on in a way, I'm still pretty excited that I'm getting through to them.. even the ones that I least expected. 

Being an RA is like being a mom. Honestly, I do feel like a mom.  If the girls accomplish anything, I have this pride in them like any parent would.  I want to spank them, but I want to be there for them when they're going through anything.  (I'm somehow still trying to figure out how to emphasize with them better. But I'm sure it'll come). On the spiritual standpoint, I truly understand why my relationship with God is so important in this position.  It is emotionally and spiritually draining.  I've caught myself more emotional about things that I'm rarely emotional about.  Spiritually, I've noticed how much more I need to spend time with God, through His word and definitely through prayer.  I've learned why it is so important for us to pray for others.  The girls of my hall needs prayer.  There are so many emotional things that each girl is going through in some way.  Sometimes I wish that I could help them, but I know that the best thing that I can do for them is to be there.. and to pray for them.  I have been able to see the changes take place already and I'm looking forward to seeing how great things will become at the end of the school year.

Roommate wise.  Honestly.. I have to say that my roommate Morgan is by far the best roommate that I've had.  I did have a great roommate freshman year and she is still a pretty great friend of mine now.  But having Morgan as a roommate has been great on so many levels.  For one, I do feel as though we can talk about spiritual things more so on a conversational level than a preaching level.  For the past two years, I've felt as though I was preaching whenever I mentioned something spiritual.  We seem to have a pretty good dynamic partnership wise.  I'm glad that I'm able to learn from her as an RA and as a person.  We haven't had any conflict. I haven't been angry at her or had any complaints.  Its been awesome so far.

But this past month, I have begun to learn so much more about God. So much more about my relationship with Him.  I've learned how to pursue Him better.  I've probably mentioned it before, but I've come to learn that I needed to be more transparent with God.  Yes, I know that He knows everything already, but when I'm able to confide in Him emotionally, it develops the trust that I need to have for Him.  It's been shockingly easy for me to start.  Especially because of the minor details that I somehow can't really talk to anyone else about. Yet, God still is there to understand how I feel and still looks at me the same.  I think that, along with building my empathy levels is my top thing to work on this school year.  I think that my transparency with God and my willingness to change things, will get rid of all the boundaries that could arrive.  I'm excited about learning more about Him through my own personal transparencies. 

Well, that's a mini, choppy update of my life.  I'm going to try writing more later.

-Quayla

This... Homosexuality...Uproar?

I can tell you up front that I'm not the type of person that argues.  I do like to make my opinions known and have discussions, but if I have to make a flat out argument with someone, I try to avoid it completely as much as possible. So when it comes to arguing with spiritual things. I immediately pull into the "seriously?" mode of things when I see arguments.  Christians argue with other Christians.  Christians argue with non-Christians.  I'm kind of like Rodney King... "Can't We All Just Get Along?"

Well, before I take a stance and reveal on my personal opinions, I like to view both sides objectively.  Both cases of things.  

A few days ago, the CEO of Chick-fil-a made a statement supporting the fact that the company was against the LGBT movement. Ever since then, there has been a firm disapproval from LGBT supporters of the company, which ultimately seems to pose a threat to the company in itself.  Homosexuality is a big deal for the Christian community. So for the past four years (namely after Obama was elected), the vocal volume of the biblical stance of homosexuality has been magnified. After Obama made a public statement about his support of homosexuality, I have seen more and more fb posts of disapproval for homosexuality and more and more fb posts of approval for homosexuality.   Actually putting themselves in a position to start an argument on both sides.  

The thing that gets me thinking the most is that both sides tend to intentionally instigate arguments.  For one, the LGBT community and its supporters know for a fact that Christians and Christian companies are by no means supporters of homosexuality.  So for them to continue asking a Christian what their views on it is, for one is very audacious and stupid.  EVERYONE knows the Christian stance on homosexuality.  So why ask something that you already know the answer to? But the thing that most Christians do is act as though the LGBT community and its supporters do not know about their stance.  It's like they force feed the issue as being the only primary moral issue that we are dealing with as a country.

 As a Christian, I have been in that place where knowing someone was a homosexual was a freaky thing for me.  It actually stroke fear for me as a kid.   Yes, as a Christian, I firmly believe that the act of homosexuality is wrong.  But, like any other situation that I approach, I have to first put myself in someone else's shoes.  If I were dealing with homosexuality, how would I want someone to minister to me?  I think we all really should think about it (honestly) in that way, it could ultimately put us in a better position to minster to others.  

So I'm going to take the time to emphasize here. The thing that I had to learn is that homosexuality can be and is a serious struggle. I wouldn't necessarily put it in the category of a mental illness, but it ultimately can be like one. I do believe that the devil in some form established it to be like or appear to be like a genetic.  Like a baby can be born with a birth defect. Some people tend to adapt with their surroundings and the trait just develops over time.  I don't necessarily believe that it could be something that every person initially chooses to have. But of course without truly clinging to the saving grace of Christ, a person can easily fall into that lifestyle.  Then there are some people who just blatantly choose to have the lifestyle and don't even think to try to resist it.  But ultimately, "born" with it or not, acting on homosexuality is a decision. 

I think as an African American, I can somewhat identify with what it feels to be ridiculed, or told that I can't do anything because of the color of my skin. I have been told to my face that it was a sin to be in an interracial relationship.  I have been talked about or treated like I was an inferior because I was black. Even my "romantic" relationships are placed on the back burner because of the color of my skin.  The thing that is so crazy is that I haven't even gotten a TOUCH of what it was like 40-50+ years ago when I couldn't even use the same bathroom as a white person. Being an African American then was like being a homosexual is now. Homosexuals are beaten, cursed at, told that they're going to Hell, killed, treated like outcasts, and the like.

Disclaimer: I'm not by any means saying that the situation is similar.  But this is the closest thing that I could think of at the moment to use to express my point.

While I do believe that we as the Christian community should take a stance on our opinions about Homosexuality without wavering, I do believe that we should also take just as much time to evaluate our own personal pride.  Are we fighting against this just to prove that we are right in God's eyes? Or are we doing this because we genuinely love them and don't want their blessings from God to be hindered?  Remember, we are no more or less deserving of Hell.  The only difference is that we have made the decision to open up our hearts to God and let Him work and move in our lives.  That's the most important thing.  More than converting someone from being a homosexual to a straight person.  Yes, the most important thing that you can do for a homosexual is offering them the opportunity to come to Christ.  You can't change them, God can. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you want someone to minister to you if you were in that situation? If they jump off the back and told you that you were going to Hell or that you were the cause of all things bad, would you be accepting?  Don't be the reason why someone pulls away from Christ. 

I think that with the moral position that our country is in, this is the perfect opportunity for the body of Christ to come out strong and win souls for Christ.  But in order to effectively do that, we have to get our pride out of the way.  Pride is a very serious thing and until we get a grip on it and get rid of it, we will put a stumbling to our effectiveness in ministry.

In all of this though, I am really glad that we have the opportunity to experience the saving grace of God.  

-Quayla

Trust

I wanted to write a blog.  I have a feeling that my opportunity to actually write one will be very minimal once school starts.  But who knows.  It may not be.  But I'm sitting here at the computer, struggling to keep my eyes open, with absolutely no idea where I should even begin.

I feel as though this summer has been one of those summers where I feel mentally crazy. Basically because of the major shift in lack of work from the school year.  The summer is where I do a lot of overthinking/analyzing. Becoming a lot more emotionally sensitive (which is not a good thing because I'm the type of person that holds it all in.  The Summer is when it just all explodes if I have nothing to do). I feel as though I develop a minimal filter to things. I get very irritable.  Can't think straight. The list goes on.

But on the positive note, in the summer, I always end up evaluating myself so that I can begin working on and improving into the school year.  It's kind of been interesting how it's been working out because while there are things that God loudly tells me that I need to work on next, there has also been things that He just began to work on without letting me know.  Ha then when He's actually started chiseling away, I realize that I've actually had a problem in that specific area.

My problem area of the Summer: TRUST

Don't get me wrong, I have trusted God a lot. But I'll honestly say that I thought that I trusted Him a lot more than I did think. When I analyze, it's kind of obvious where I didn't trust him though. I would try to think about every possible means that I could personally do to establish myself with security instead of trusting God with it. If you look back to a previous post, you'd see that I sat down and tried calculating what I'm going to do for grad school. Stressing myself about it to the core.  Not wanting to be a 22 year old living with her parents.  And not wanting to be asking her parents for money, having to deal with the adult conflicts or having to answer to another adult.

This summer, I have learned how to trust God in a completely different way.  With everything, especially my emotions.  It's kind of crazy because I actually started living out the fact that God actually knows everything about me instead of just "knowing" that God knows everything about me. The awesome thing is, that He doesn't treat me any differently.   So I thought to myself, "If God already knows everything I'm dealing with, my thoughts, my dreams, my desires,  why do I struggle with telling Him full blown details about my life?"   I mean, I have always told God about things that I'm going through.  But I have to be honest and say that they were very general things.  Like I pretty much do with everyone else.  If I do somehow confide in someone, I wouldn't really give them details, I'd just be like " yeah, this is going on.  It's crazy, but I know that God has everything under control"  But then when I go to God, I wouldn't really say much of a difference "God, I'm dealing with this. So I know You have everything under control and You know what's going on.  So just take care of it."  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  But I do believe that I lacked the intimacy with my relationship with God as for as confiding in Him goes.

I got to the point where I seriously needed someone to confide in completely, not sugar coating or giving partial truths.  Someone who I could confide in and in return was going to tell me the truth, but not make me feel like a complete failure in the process.  Someone who was going to enhance me and not tear me down. I didn't need to confide in someone who was just going to be like "okay." or "I see."  I didn't need someone who was just going to tell me what I wanted to hear.  I needed someone who was going to tell me what I needed to hear.

Instead of me giving God a "general" idea.  I started to get a lot more specific in my conversations with Him.  "God, this is going on.  It makes me feel this way.  I want the result to be this way, but I really don't know if that's something I should want, etc."  Haha I think when I got down into expressing to God explicitly what my feelings and emotions were, I've broken through that barrier that was blocking the progression in our relationship.  I think through all that, no matter how things were emotionally pressing me, I've just known that I could come to God about it. He won't laugh at me. He'd listen to me and then answer me in return and tell me what I need to do.

It's absolutely amazing to know that God is not like mankind.  I can't tell you of a single person that I know that I could tell all of my struggles to and they won't look at me or think of me like I'm crazy. Or wouldn't hold it against me or wouldn't get irritated with my talking about the same thing over and over.

This is why I'm overwhelmed with the love of God.  He never ceases to love me through everything I'm going  through.

-Quayla

Two more weeks

I head back to Lynchburg in a mere two weeks. Everything is just soaking in.  I'm about to become an RA. Officially.  But I think over the Summer, I've had the opportunity to reflect on what that really means.  For once, I want to do something for someone else, where I put my own personal interests and well being aside. These 40 girls are my priority and responsibility for the next 8 months. 

I'm really excited about getting to know these girls. Excited about investing into their lives, on a personal and spiritual level.  Wow, is it seriously pulling in that closely?

My family is leaving for Jamaica on Saturday morning, so I think I will be spending a good portion of next week brainstorming, looking for craft ideas for name tags.  Throwing ideas through my partner, Morgan for the year, hall activities, budget, etc. RHLM's, Hall Meetings.  My mind is spinning from the possibilities. 

I think this is actually the perfect time to plan, start putting things together, etc. 

AHH Exciting!

-Quayla

The Cons of Excessive Planning

It's kind of crazy at how much of a planner that I am.  I am a firm believer in balance.  So I do think that everything is good in some form of balance, at the right time, and the right place.  At the same time, I think that everything can become bad when it becomes excessive. Some things more than others.  So when it comes to my level of planning.  I think it has gotten into a state of obsession. Something that I'm learning to control and balance out.

So here's my "latest" planning problem:

I'm going to be a junior next year. Meaning, I have a year and a half to study and prepare for what to do after graduating.  Options: 1-> work.  2 -> Go to grad school.

I think I'm going to most likely go through option 2.  It's not necessarily a bad option at all. However, I am in charge of basically getting myself there.  I will have to pay for it, everything.  The thing is, I don't really know where I should go.  The options that I have rally are VCU and Liberty. It will be so much cheaper for me to go to either one.  I really don't think it would come to be any more than $5k per year. So that would be $10k all together.  Which is doable.  I have a pretty good savings plan for the next two years. I would believe that after graduating, I would have about $6k saved.  But that doesn't really include other possible work that I will get money for here and there.  The thing that I'm thinking about is that it may just be better for my pockets.. if I did grad school at VCU.  Got a small apartment and (possibly some roommates to keep the costs down).  In a pretty nice area outside of the campus.  There I could get a loan to pay specifically for school and then have the money saved to get a jump start on living expenses and possibly getting a partime job.

Job options seem to be pretty doable. I could be a graduate assistant at VCU considering my grades and resume look good (which will be pretty nice after I will have completed two internships and the work that I have with my dad this summer).


Then of course there's the GRE/GMAT. I looked through the GMAT and I couldn't even get through the math section.  It's going to take a lot of time and preparation. I haven't looked through the GRE yet. Though, I do think that I should do it soon.


Going to Liberty is a good option.  I don't have to take any exams either.

So the fact of the matter is, I'm sitting at this computer for HOURS researching something that I really don't have to "worry" about for another year. I know it's good to be prepared, but I do think that this is a little out of control.

I don't exactly live by my planner, I just somehow have it written down somewhere on a peace of paper or in my head.  I'm constantly thinking "this needs to be done, this needs to be done". Then if something doesn't go as planned, I just feel as though I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or something.  One day, I want to just go a week without planning a thing.  Just up and do something whenever I need to.  But then I'm sure when I decide to do that, it would be the wrong time to do it.

Well, I will get it under control.  Haha I guess I just can't help it sometimes.

-Quayla

Called to Lead

I am two books behind on my blog list (ha I'll get to that hopefully within the next few days).  But for some reason I had the urge to post about this book that I'm currently reading, Called to Lead.  I usually wouldn't write a post about it until I completed it.  Truth is, I'm not even halfway finished the book.  But I really would like to share a few things here and there that I have learned thus far.  I think that this book just may require several posts from me.

The crazy thing about this book is that before I even really paid attention to the title, I decided that I would take more time this Summer studying Paul's Epistles.  I was in the starting process of reading through Acts in my quiet times while reading through the other books that I had on my reading list in my leisure times. My original plan, I believe, was to read Called to Lead last  (The words were just so small on one page lol).  So far, I read the entire Hunger Games Trilogy, and The Way of the Shepherd. I was started to read "Not a Fan". However, some things changed around and I decided to crack Called to Lead open.  When I picked up the book, I realized that the subtitle was "26 Leadership Lessons from the Life of the Apostle Paul".  I was definitely excited because it went with exactly what I was led to do this Summer in my quiet times: Study different leaders in the Bible, taking note of the things that they did right and wrong, and then applying them to my leadership style so that I can grow as a leader.  I firmly believe, especially through reading this book, that Paul is probably one of the most important leaders to study. This book has definitely given me the guide that I needed.  

So far, God has definitely revealed to me that things that I am strong in as a leader, as well as the areas of my life where I am weak.  I think its funny that God has actually started working on those specific things with me before I even got the book.  Take empathy for example.  I struggled with that most of my life. I used to feel as though empathy was a weakness lol. This year, God has definitely helped me become empathetic, but with a balance.  Knowing when it's needed, and when it's not.  

God has also revealed to me that there are going to be areas in my leadership style that other people are not going to like. I've learned that my particular leadership style includes my association with people that don't necessarily have the same relationship with God that I do. Especially a few of my friends. They're struggling with sin and somehow are pulling away from God.  I learned that loyalty is a quality that I need to have.  I need to make sure that I have those friends that are there to continue to build me up (iron sharpens iron).  But then, I still need to maintain the friendships with those people that simply, aren't there.  Ha I believe this has been something that my parents don't really like that much.  I mean, I've kind of been that person to just hang out with anyone, and it just so happened that a lot of the crazy ones enjoyed spending time with me.  Basically because I am transparent, but at the same time, I tell them like it is.  I've never actually argued my reasoning with my parents.  The opportunity to discuss it with them never came up either.  I don't necessarily believe that is is right to argue things that God is telling you to do.  You can discuss the differences, but arguing is a completely different matter.  I may never actually share that with my parents.   But it is interesting at how there may just be differences of opinions. 

Then I think God has also revealed to me that although I'm a leader, I need to respect the leadership of others, even if I don't agree with it.  I don't necessarily have that problem too much until I feel as though my parents are establishing something ridiculous.  I automatically place myself in the criteria that because I'm "20" that I don't exactly need to follow the instructions of my parents.  I get frustrated because when I'm at school, I can simply take a 3 hour trip somewhere anytime I want.  Then when I'm home with my parents, I have to ask a few days in advance just to drive out 20 minutes. I often decide not to go anywhere because I would rather not have to ask for permission.  I'm the "experimental" child, so my parents have not necessarily had an adult child before, so they have no idea of where to "let go".  But despite my frustrations of it all, I have to still respect what they want while I'm home. 

I think this may be a little choppy here and there.  But I really wanted to share what I've been learning so far.  I'm looking forward to continuing on with this book.  God is definitely shaping me up to being a great leader.

-Quayla

Book Two Completion: The Way of the Shepherd

I finished my second book about a week ago.  I'm not entirely sure why it took me as long as it did, the book was only 113 pages.  But it was actually a really good book for me.  I've learned a lot about the connection that I good leader has to a good shepherd.  The Way of the Shepherd gave seven secrets to managing productive people.

1. Know the Condition of Your Flock

2. Discover the Shape of Your Sheep

3. Help Your Sheep Identify With You

4. Make Your Pasture a Safe Place

5.  The Staff of Direction

6. The Rod of Correcttion

7. The Heart of a Shepherd

All of these were really vital things to take heed of when it comes to leading people.  In a work environment, or church environment, etc.  Even in a school environment.  Ha this was really important to me especially when it comes to having a leadership team.

Well, that's a brief summary.

I'm reading Called to Lead and Catching Fire now (I added two more books to my list haha).  We'll see where it goes.

Acts.... Differences in our worship styles.. ha the list goes on

Being home this Summer, I have had the opportunity to really reflect on so many things.  I've come to God with SO many questions and it's interesting how He has been answering them.  In my quiet times so far this Summer,  I've been led to go through fundamentals in addition to studying several leaders over the course of the Old and New Testaments.  Over the past week and a half, I have been reading through Acts.  It's been pretty interesting because I'm always reminded that you can never really grasp everything the Bible has to offer by reading it one time. Every time you read, there is something new that is gained.  Which makes the Word of God So much more amazing.  It is no question a living document.  I felt as though it was time that I went back to being reminded of the fundamentals.  It's something that I feel as though everyone should do every so often.  Because we frequently get to the point where we take someone else's word as fact and run with it.  Where people come up with their own "revelations" and think that it's the way that things should be done.  I'm the type of person where someone needs to prove to me that something is right.  I'm definitely an analytical, practical person.  So, if you cannot prove something in the word of God.  I'm not going to believe it. Or, I may just channel it in a space in my brain so that I can come to it later on.  If it's pressing enough in my mind, I have to study it.  I go back and figure out if what someone believes is true.  If it is, then I take note of that.  If it isn't, I sit there and try to figure out what it is that triggered them to believe that it's true.  There is always something.  Either taking things out of context, or they just were taught to believe something.

I feel as though my approach to all of this may come off to people differently.  I don't speak much about what I know, my perceptions of life, nor what I question to just anyone. I even feel that as I'm growing, my approach and perceptions to things are so much different than my family's.  I think growing up, I spent so much time taking what my parent's believed as fact, that I didn't take the time to develop a relationship with Christ.  I had so much book knowledge about the Bible.  I was even able to tell someone how to 'apply' the knowledge.  But I think when I left home, I was able to come across so many people who each believed something different. Things that I never even came across or wasn't necessarily taught to deal with.  These past two years have definitely been a rediscovery for me.  It has been a place of growth and a place where I have learned to appreciate the Grace of God in a whole new light.  

Speaking of Grace.  Wow.  I just appreciate it so much more.  Over the course of the past year, I have specifically been targeted to emphasizing with others.  Although I can always grow in that area, I look back and see how far I've come.  Last year, I couldn't tell you the amount of times that I have prayed for multiple people every single day. I've actually begun to feel pain that other people have gone through. Ha it's crazy.   I think that I've begun to emphasize in the condemnation of others. Ha I've begun to realize how people feel when people treat them a certain way because of a 'sin' that they have done, or are doing.  It helps me especially in how I look at others.  I'm not justifying their sin.  I really do believe that a person has to give of themselves and come to Christ.  However, I've begun to understand why there are some people that struggle with coming to Him. I've been guilty of it myself, but there are people that represent Christ as though we have to be perfect in order to come to Him.  If we were perfect without Christ, why would we need Christ? The Grace of God is designed so that through Him, we can be made whole, be made perfect.  But on our own, we cannot be perfect, whatsoever. 

I've come to learn that I need to be convicted of every sin that I do.  I have no right to say that someone is going to Hell because they struggle with this sin or that sin.  I can't say that someone is a heathen because they decide to not do one thing or another.  I cannot look or stare at an unwed woman who comes to church pregnant and say that she's a sinner or simply call her a 'ho' and that it was bound to happen. It's crazy how our world has become.  We put attention on the sin that appears to be unpleasant at the time, when we ourselves struggle with the very sin that is the root of it all. Pride. Every sin starts from a Pride issue.  I've noticed that I, myself, have once dealt with sin that I was so adamant about not committing.  I was so into the fact that I would "never do something like that".  Then I did it.  Then I dealt with the consequences.  But I did learn. Growing into the things of God as well as an adult,  I don't want to be one of those people that says, "what is wrong with our youth?" because they may view things differently or may simply just not care about the things of God.  Sometimes people say it because of a difference in worship style. I'm not going to say that I'm "never going to fall into that".  Because that becomes prideful.  I have to sit there and admit that it is possible for me to give into my pride. But it will only be by the grace of God that I won't fall into that pride issue.  I think that when it comes to the difference of beliefs, there are so many things that bring division among us Christians.

I'm going a little bit off topic for a minute, but I really think that there is a reason behind why I need to be a Psychology minor. Specifically for something like this.  Maybe I am supposed to be in ministry (???) haha.  But when it comes to empathy in combination of all the communication classes that I'm taking, I've come to learn that God has led for people to the study of psychology as a way we can use it to minister to people.  Everything that is studied through psychology is somehow backed up through scripture. But through psychology, we are able to learn exactly how we can apply it.  I've become to think that way and I'm excited about taking these psychology classes.  

Ha but I think that through psychology, there is somehow a way that it can be used to impact people for Christ.  I've learned a lot over the past few years in leadership classes that intentionality goes a long way. If you take the time to know about someone, going to their events, encouraging them, etc. They are more likely to come and care about what you say.  People don't care about what you know until they know how much you care. That is why I believe mentoring is such a vital component to the kingdom of God.   If someone believes something that is blatantly wrong, they're not going to care about what you know to be right, if you just shove it into their faces.  Figuring out what they believe and why they believe it can in turn open up the door for them to receive the truth.

Crazy how I was meaning to talk about fundamentals and I went through all of this. Well, I will tie all of this in to mention my reading through Acts last night. In Chapter 10.  God comes to Peter through a vision. I will condense it a little. There are animals, reptiles, and birds, etc. in the area. Peter was instructed to kill these animals and eat them.  Peter's response was, "Surely not, Lord!  I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."  In biblical times, eating red meat was considered unclean and the Jews were not allowed to eat it.  God's response to Peter was "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."  This may start to get just a tad bit confusing as I'm tying everything in.  Hopefully it won't.  But Chapter 10 goes on with Peter going to Cornelius's House.  During the time, Jews and Gentiles were not allowed to associated with each other.  It was a "law" that could not be violated.  You will begin to notice that Peter experienced some form of conviction through God telling him this.  But he learns from it and begins to share how God doesn't show favoritism but accepts those who fear Him and do what is right. I think that this chapter is really important for the body of Christ.

I think while being at Liberty, I have had the opportunity to learn the differences in belief systems.  There were a lot that I grew up believing that were wrong.  Then there were things that I grew up believing that were right, that others believe to be wrong or crazy. I think praying in tongues is a major one.  I've had the opportunity to study it some more and gained some insight about it through experience from growing up around and spending time in a place where people didn't understand anything about it. I grew up thinking that if a church doesn't speak in tongues, then it is a "dead" church. Or that someone cannot fully experience the greatness of God if they don't pray in tongues.  Or that praying in tongues was praying God's perfect prayer.  I'm not going to go into the details of how tongues should be used.  Because there is a correct and incorrect way of doing it.  Which sometimes people do not realize.   Then on the other hand, I've heard that people think it's a sin to pray in tongues, that it is no longer the time to pray in tongues, or something that you can't pray in tongues ever unless you have an interpreter, or that only certain people can pray in tongues.  Things like that. 

They are both two complete extremes.  While being at Liberty there have been so many worship and prayer differences that I was blown away by.  The first thing I've learned were the silent prayers.  Haha I remember going to an All Night of Prayer for the first time.  I went and didn't hear anybody and I thought to myself "um, is anyone praying?" I grew up thinking that we HAD to pray out loud in order for the presence of God to reveal itself. Ha I think the reason why I knew that people were actually praying was because I sensed the presence of God. I've been in worship services where no one prays in tongues and I have felt the power of God just as much as going to a church service with people that don't necessarily pray in tongues. That was something that I questioned God a lot about after coming home. After reading Acts 10 last night, I had a portion of my question answered.  I've come to learn that God doesn't discriminate the power of the Holy Spirit based on a praying style. His power is open to anyone who believes in Him and does what is right.

Now of course there are so many factors into all of this.. It's so much to really talk about it just a blog post.  I'm really just feeding thoughts and reflections here and there. But I really want to grasp a deeper understanding in the Grace and Mercy of God.  I think if we all really understood the depth of it, our relationship with others would be so much better.  Our relationship with Christ would be so much deeper.

All I can say is that I am really thankful for His Grace and Mercy.

-Quayla

"Little" sins.. vs. "Big" sins... really?

I feel as though when it comes to by quiet times, I retain more when I "research", or in other words, go by a theme.  Something that I have questions about.  I spend time looking through my concordance, or searching via internet.  Sometimes I just need a refresher to clarify some things, so I know of the references already.

So lately, I've been really thinking a lot about Sin.  


The dictionary definition of Sin is transgression of divine law, ANY act regarded as such a transgression, especially a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.

In simpler terms, Sin is anything that separates us from Christ.  Something that goes against the guidelines that He has established.

So, what are some things that are against God's guidelines?  Let's use the Ten Commandments for example.

1. Have no other gods before me 


2. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below (idolatry, which ultimately can be anything that we put before Christ)


3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord (any form of oh my God, Jesus!, you get the idea)


4. Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy (I'm not really clear as to when the Sabbath is supposed to be in the day of the week.  But it is a day of rest.  Do you take a day out of the week to rest?)


5. Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. (self explanatory)


6. You shall not murder (later on, the Bible says that if you hate someone, you are already held guilty of their murder)


7. You shall not commit adultery (the Bible also says that if you even look at a women (or man) with lust in your heart, you are already guilty of committing adultery)


8. You shall not steal


9. You shall not lie


10.  You shall not covet. 


These are just ten, but they are the ones that are most commonly used, that we really don't even think about.  I'll come back to this later.

Within the past week or so, North Carolina established a rule that homosexuals cannot get married.  I'm not entirely sure of the full details, but I know enough that it created an interesting state of controversy.  The next day, President Obama spoke on his support for homosexuality and that it was a generational thing.  That it is considered offensive at the time, but later on it would evolve into acceptance.  That made a LOT of people angry, well, Christians. Ever since then, people have been posting statuses, videos, blogs, commenting on posts, stating about how wrong it was.  I have a friend that is homosexual, and he has had people come up to him saying that he was going to go to hell for being gay and the like.

The way that I have seen Christians respond to this situation has made me rather... angry.

Why was I angry?  Because things like this pulls people away.  I had to be intentional in pursuing relationships with people that do not fully have a relationship with Christ, and this frequently come up.  Statistically, 66% of people that leave a church (or church in general) is because of an offense.  Now some portion it can be a misguiding, people have not fully understood what it is like to be given into complete submission under God, but at the same time, offenses can come from people in the church that are literally being flat out rude. Those that justify their own sin and make it seem as though someone else's sin is magnitudes worse.

We are taught in church, Romans 3:23, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" and Romans 3:10 "There is none righteous, no, not one". However, we treat certain issues as though we are better because we haven't done "that" thing.  But in turn, we are committing sin at that very moment.  The sin that can send us directly to hell.  As we go back to the ten commandments.  I cannot say that there is a single person who have not violated any one of the ten commandments more than once.  I can probably say that idolatry is the most common. We ALL have things that we have put before God at one point or another. Even now.  Then there's the issue of Pride... which EVERYONE deals with regularly. The root of every other sin is a pride issue.

We tend to go on and on about how there is no level of sin.  The wages of sin (period) is death.   We ALL deserve Hell.  So why do we treat sins like fornication, abortion, homosexuality, and murder differently from sins like lying, lust, pride, gossip, and talking badly about someone?  As though we have a "right" to commit those sins because we think that they don't hurt anyone? Is that really true?  Every sin issue that we have today started from a lie. Many families are broken because of lusts. Statistically, more people are affected by what we consider the "little" sins than the ones that we take to be so "bad".  So why do we fight against abortion and homosexuality so much?

I thought about this not because I feel as though abortion and homosexuality should be something that we take lightly.  I wrote this because, we have to take our sin, just as seriously.   I want to get to the point in my life where every lie that I happen to say tears me apart.  When I lust, I want to feel guilty.  When I gossip, I want to plead for forgiveness.   There is no such thing as big sins or little sins.  I think we have to start acting like it.

-Quayla

Friendships

I've begun to learn the balance and standards of justifying certain aspects of life...
This sounds a bit weird to start a blog off..   I'll come back to that later.
I was talking to my mom about how there are people that are called to impact certain types of people.  Those to reel in the people who know better, and are doing wrong.  Then the people that help with the healing process of people that literally don't know better.  The people that are saved and have fallen and then the people that have fallen, but literally never knew anything else to be better. Honestly, I think that everyone should be able to learn how to impact both types of people.  But of course, there are some people that just somehow specializes with impacting a specific group.
Sometimes, I think that people forget that we are not here on this earth to only impact a single group of people. At first, I was accustomed to think that we are only supposed to hang out with people that are like us.  I think growing up, I thought that I should only have Christian friends. Then later, it turned into being, "I should help my Christian friends becoming stronger in Christ, or hang out with other Christian friends that help me to grow closer in my relationship with God.  You know, Iron Sharpens Iron, right?" 
I honestly, did not really know that way of thinking was a problem...until I took an Evangelism class this school year.  At the end of the course, we were assigned to write a paper on an Evangelism encounter that we've had with someone.  I sat there thinking about the assignment and thought... I don't have a single friend that is unsaved.  In a way that is kind of good, I guess. Let's say, if they were once unsaved and I helped them come to Christ.
But that wasn't the case. The reason why I never had any friends that were unsaved is because I was never took the opportunity to befriend someone that wasn't saved.  I've played sports with girls that were unsaved, but I never pursued a relationship with them.  I kind of pulled away from people I "considered" to be bad influences.
I've noticed that people have even specified not to bring people that weren't saved or were of a certain level spiritually to private social gatherings. I don't really understand the significance of that.  Especially when you say that it is important to take the opportunity that you can to witness. It's kind of like saying that you don't want anything to do with them at all. I've seen where people have looked at or talked about people that lived a certain way.  I've done it before.  But looking back and then seeing now how prominent it actually is, really hurts.  If we limit ourselves to being only among people that are saved, how are we going to impact this world?  God doesn't say "Sit in the church and wait for someone that is unsaved to come so you can minister to him"  He says "Go into the world and minister the gospel to every creature".
In my evangelism class, we had to do research and write a paper on the methods of evangelism and which methods we thought were the most effective.  I spent a couple of hours looking through the methods and came across friendship evangelism. Studies show that this is the most effective method. Its self explanatory, but its basically the process of being someone's friend and leading them to Christ in that process. It does take boldness... because sometimes you want to do the "cool" thing. But ultimately,  when you take the time to know who someone is, what they believe, they are more inclined to do the same for you. Which opens the door for them to come to Christ.
It may take longer for someone to come to Christ, but your patience with them will go a long way.
I'm not saying that... a person needs to not have saved friends.  Actually, it is really important for you to have friends that are there to help you grow stronger in Christ.  It is actually more important for you to have more friends that are living for Christ, than those that are not.  You need that form of positive influence to keep you growing so that you can be there for those that are not saved. I do feel as though that as a child, it is important for the social aspect of things to be heavily controlled. I feel as though it depends on the influential level of the child.  It's a discretion thing.

That's where the justifying things come in... your unsaved friends, don't have the same morals that you do. Sometimes even you have friends that are saved, but just don't know or understand better. You will feel like you're constantly monitoring what they say and do.. it does seem kind of odd, especially when people look at it from the outside... "why are they friends with that person?" For me, I know people think that. I have to juggle between my fb making sure languages are positive.. but in the end, I'm taking the initiative to get past that barrier with others. To lead them in the right direction.. to open the door for them to feel free to confide in me, but also take heed for the advice that I give. It is definitely tough, because I do have to make sure that I'm constantly being fed with positivity.  But in the end, seeing that someone is closer to God now than what they were before, because I allowed God to use me, makes everything worth it.

A person would rarely take the advice of a total stranger. It comes off rude if you barely know someone and you just up and tell them that they need to get better. Or that they're going to suffer if they don't change their ways.  If you take time to get to know who they are, you begin to see why they are that way.  Once they are comfortable enough to share with you, they are willing to take heed of the things that you say to them. It does take time, but they do get better. Let God use you as a vessel. Continue to get people to help you grow... but also be that person to help someone else grow.

I think that's all my thoughts in a nutshell. I could go on, but its getting late.
-Quayla

Book One Completion: The Hunger Games

So I think that after every book that I complete this Summer, I'm going to post a blog about it.  Basically giving details of what the book was about as well as what I thought about it.  I think this will be a good idea as far as helping me retain what I read, and also some of the books I actually have to write a brief essay about, so writing as I go will definitely help me.

The first book that I completed was the Hunger Games.

I decided to read this one first because for one, everyone was telling me that I should read it.. and two, I wanted to give my brain a chance to relax.  Nothing school related.  Well anyways, I read the Hunger Games in four days.  I must say, that was the quickest that I have read a book of that size (400 pgs) in a LONG time.  I really got lost in the book.  I never even heard about the Hunger Games until the movie came out a couple of months ago.  It came out of nowhere.  People were talking about it and I was like... the Hunger Games?  Does this have something to do with food?  Ha.  So after asking around, I've found out that the Hunger Games is pretty much about 24 children from the ages of 12-18, being randomly selected for a format of a deathly (roman-style I would assume) games.  It's basically like the survival of the fittest of the children of 12 districts.  One boy and one girl from each district.  The 24 children are basically placed into an arena and they have to kill each other.  The last man standing wins.

The concept in itself is just a tad weird.  "A story about children killing each other".  But for some reason, I really enjoy story lines that has something to do with murder, mysteries, etc.  I have to say, honestly, I was a little skeptical about the children thing.  But then I was like, hey I can just pretend that they aren't kids or something. ha.  But when you actually read the book, you do somehow forget that they are kids.  It is in first person (which I like).  The character, Katniss definitely had the maturity of an adult.  At 16, Katniss had a numerous amount of adult responsibilities which made it a lot easier for me to have the perception that she was an Adult.  The measure of her care about things was great.

The book did pull me in emotionally, however.   It was crazy.  Especially because I had so many people give me so many details about the book.  I knew that Katniss was going to win.  Then my sister, Janay, told me that the other boy from her district, Peeta was able to become a "winner" too.  The Gamemakers of the Hunger Games changed the rules so that there could be two winners.  Although I knew that stuff, I was still able to be shocked and surprised of the events of the book.  How it happened, and when they happened.  The book never got boring.

The thing about the book which I greatly admired is the fact that it kept me wanting to know more.  The story didn't just end.  It ended with me having some many unanswered questions that I can only find the answer to by reading the other books in the series.  Like Katniss' and Peeta's relationship.  Where does it go? During the Hunger Games, Katniss believed that her and Peeta were supposed to have a "staged" love story as a form of rebellion to owners of the Districts, (The Capitol).  Katniss was told by her advisors to continue this on.  She believed that Peeta's emotional act was staged too.  The only thing was that, Peeta's acts were genuine for her.  The misunderstanding didn't surface until the very end of the book.   I got so hooked that I currently feel as though I NEED to get my hands on the other books.  The library has them on hold. There are 146 holds on those books. It's CRAZY. Ha but it's SO good that I understand why so many people would want to read them.  

I feel as though the details that I could give of the book would require me literally writing a blog post so long that no one would even think about reading it. But I was so into this book and excited about it that I can't even imagine how upset I would be when I finish reading the series.  Hopefully I can get my hands on them this Summer.

-Quayla

Two years.. Graduate school... MBA???

I feel as though after I have gone through the excitement of having so many of my friends/associates/classmates graduate today, it makes me really reflect that two years from now, it will be me.  There was a time when two years simply seemed like forever, but it actually isn't. I actually thought about how it was two years ago that I graduated from High School. It happened SO fast.

I mean, I have juggled back and forth with the idea of graduating next year.  Which is possible, however, I opted to just add another major and a minor.  I mean, I can possibly drop the minor if it gets too hectic, but in the meantime, I'm going to graduate in 2014 with the class that I came to Liberty with.  It should be very interesting, I must say.  Well,  I have always thought about what I'm going to do for grad school.  It's been pretty tough, because I went for the longest time saying that I was not going to be at Liberty for grad school.  But looking at what they have to offer and the position that I am in, there is no reason why I shouldn't consider it.  They don't require a GRE (which is weird...) But I'm 100% POSITIVE that I will get in.  Someone threw the idea out to me that as having a Communications Undergrad, it's probably better to get an MBA.  I didn't think about that much at all, but I do know that Liberty has an exceptional MBA program.  So I looked through it and saw that they offer something specific, a MBA in Public Relations.  I feel as though as I'm getting more into my classes, although I absolutely LOVE Broadcasting, I feel more of a pull to the benefits of Public Relations.  It's SO weird. But I think I may actually consider it. I am definitely going to look around some more.  So far, VCU and Syracuse have been options.  But for some reason, I have not really found that place where I really feel peace about.
Ha I have no idea what God wants me to do with my education fully yet... but I feel as though I'm somehow getting closer and closer as I go.   But that is all I wanted to say at the moment...

Oh wait! I want to talk about something else... but I will put it into a blog post.

Liberty University-School Pride

I came to Liberty University with the desire of being a Sports Journalist. After attending classes and the many workshops offered at Liberty, I have come to learn that I would love to one day do Public Relations for a sports company or even an individual athlete.

It was only through Liberty that I became informed of the transformation of the media. I came to learn that as I go to pursue a career in Public Relations, people will be more inclined to hire me if I utilize all the resources that are available to me. A company will be more attracted to me if I can not only write well or produce an excellent campaign. They will be more attracted to me if I can design a brochure, an identity package, and can successfully shoot and edit video that can represent their company well. If I did not attend Liberty, I would not have known that piece of valuable information. Because of this, I decided to double major in Public Relations and Broadcasting.

I have had the opportunity to be taught by professors who have gained years of valuable experience related to my majors. I am not being taught by someone who has "book knowledge" but someone who has actually gone out there and done well in the field that I'm pursuing. One professor has been a Broadcast Journalist for about 30 years and had the opportunity to cover a Super Bowl and the NBA Finals. He has interviewed athletes such as Dennis Rodman. As someone who is pursuing a career in sports, I find that very exciting. Another professor was actually part of the AD/PR team in the corporate of Steve Madden. What these professors are teaching me is valuable because they have seen and done everything that works and doesn't work.

Liberty University also requires us to gain hands-on experience in order for us to even graduate. This includes practicums and Internships. Because those are requirements, I have had the opportunity to gain journalism experience while writing for the Student Newspaper and learn about create Sweepers and News Packages for radio. I will be leaving Liberty University having completed Two Internships. I will know how to create and edit a short film and I will know how to create and design just about anything related to Brochures or Identity packages.

While Liberty University is a Christian Institution, we have moral standards. Through this, I have learned the value of leadership and have the opportunity to become a Resident Assistant. Being a RA at Liberty holds a lot more responsibility than almost any other school in the country. I know that once I complete my time as being an RA, I will have developed a great skill set that will compliment my career experience. This scholarship is sponsored by CenturyLinkQuote.com.

Summer is here! Developing Habits

I've been trying to write a blog since I got home... but I didn't get home until about 10:30 last night, plus I just didn't feel like doing much of anything... then I was rather exhausted and went to bed early.

It's crazy at how your body just crashes from exhaustion.  Like, I've been able to keep up with everything for the most part all semester.  Going to bed at 2:30 or so almost every night.  And then waking up at around 7:30-8 every morning during the week.  It was definitely an interesting thing to factor out.  But I know that next semester I will have to maintain a better sleeping schedule.  Luckily, I won't have any morning classes, so I will be able to get at least 8 hours of sleep on most nights. (hopefully haha).

I'm rather excited about next year! I really want to enjoy my summer, but I am really looking forward to coming back and taking on the responsibility of being an RA.  However, I am going to make the most of my summer by developing habits that I need to carry on into not only the next year, but the rest of my life.

#1. Making a DETAILED and CONSISTENT schedule of my life.  I was able to do pretty well with it in the Fall semester and during Freshman year.  I slacked off during the Spring Semester.  But I think sometime within the next week or so, I am going to start plugging in the schedule that I know for sure.  So then when I get more stuff, I can just add it in.  I also need a habit of making a schedule every single week.

#2.   Have a decent sleeping schedule. Like I mentioned earlier.. as much as I would want to, I can't go to bed at 2:30 every single night.  I know with doing curfew checks that there will be times where I will be up late, but I think that at least going to bed by 1, 1:30 should be a doable option.

#3. Reading.  As of now, my reading list for the Summer is compiled of 5 books.  Three are required for me.  And two I want to read for pleasure.  I will alternate from requirements.  So right now, I started out reading the Hunger Games, which is a pleasure book.  After I finish that, I will go to Not a Fan, which is a required book for me (I need to finish it as soon to before we assign our leadership team to read it).  Then I'll go to my pleasure book, Blood Covenant, which is about a man who was a leader of a mob and suddenly left the mob lifestyle).  Then I'll go and read the Way of the Shepherd.  If I don't have time to read another pleasure book, then I'll go into reading Called to Lead.  But I do want to make it a habit of reading SO much more than what I have been. If I recreate the love for reading, I feel as though I will have so much more of a mental stability that what I have been.  Ha

#4. Internet.  I spend SO much of my free time on the Internet.  I mean, it is a good avenue of relaxation, but I do know that next semester, I will not have the time to do every single leisure thing.  I feel as though I waste the most time on the Internet, so that will be one of the first things that I will have to cut.  I feel that since I will be spending a lot of time reading this Summer, the habit of being on the Internet either playing a video game or random browsing, etc. will have the become minimal.

#5. Evaluations.  I'm going to spend the next week or so writing down the things in my life that I really need to get in order before I even think about taking this step into a higher leadership position.  While I am doing that, I will be taking the time to read more about leaders.  Not only leaders mentioned in the Bible, but also leaders that were impactful to the modern world but were adamant in their relationship with God.

#6. Quiet Times.  No one can never really be satisfied with their current relationship with Christ.  You have to always have that desire to want to grow more and more.  Simply because there is SO much more that a person can learn about Christ.  I feel as though I have a pretty consistent quiet time schedule. This year, I have usually done them before I went to bed.  I felt more attentive that way, and then everyone was usually in bed far longer than I was.  I felt as though I wasn't really disturbed much.  I don't think people really grasp ed the idea that I was having quiet times (when I was clearly reading my bible) when I did my quiet times earlier.  But I really want to get into the habit of having my quiet times in the morning when I get up as well as before I go to bed at night.


Those are six of the things that I know I definitely need to work on this summer to create a habit.  I know I've been given until June to actually start working on planning for next year. That will give me about three weeks of a leisure break.  I need to actually begin applying for some jobs soon.  Hopefully tomorrow or Thursday, but we shall see.

Through it all, I am really excited about the things that God has in store.  It's just amazing of how far He is taking me. I am truly blessed, humbled, and honored to be able to be used as a vessel to minister to others, to help bring them closer to Christ! =)

-Quayla

I feel as though my blog topics are somehow becoming redundant... This one definitely won't be as long as the others... but my RA, (and future RA partner) Morgan read this to us a few weeks ago.

Although Hindu, Gandhi had a very close connection with Christianity and admired Jesus very much, often quoting from his favorite 'Sermon on the Mount" chapter in Matthew 5-7.  When the missionary E. Stanley Jones met with Gandhi he asked him, "Mr. Gandhi, though you quote the words of Christ often, why is that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?" Gandhi replied, "Oh, I don't reject Christ. I love Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike Christ."  "If Christians would really live according to the teachings of Christ, as found in the Bible, all of India would be Christian today," he added.


That's wow.  Because I know I fail at that. We all fail at that.  But to think that people are pulled away from Christ because of the way Christians act really hits me hard. I want to always be reminded of the importance it is to be obedient to Christ and to act like Him.  People really watch.

Next year

So I'm kind of in the mood to write an "update" blog today.

I'm somewhat ready for the school year to be over.  I think I just want it to be next year.   But this summer is definitely going to be a year of growth as a person... as a leader... as a Christian.  It's always important to grow... but I do feel as though for me, this summer will be the most beneficial.

My goals:

Read... read read read....
I did pretty good last summer by reading 3 books.  If I can do a book every two weeks this summer, that would be pretty amazing.  So far, here is what is on my list (books for pleasure, and for growth, assigned).

• Blood Covenant by Michael Franzese
• The Way of the Shepherd by Kevin Leman
• Called to Lead by John MacArthur
• Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman
• The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

I know that I can definitely get those books completed.  And I'm sure there will be more books that I will be assigned to read from OSL.  I'll check.  I'm definitely going do a summer reading plan.  For some reason lately, I've been more drawn to reading through the Old Testament.  I have been pinpointing the leadership styles in the Old Testament over the course of the year.  So far, it has shown and helped me in my personal leadership style-> with the things that I could improve on and knowing about the things that I shouldn't do.  I know that I can do it.  So I will create a personal plan from the end of the school year up until August 2.  That's 3 months.. I can definitely accomplish that.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to work this summer.  My dad is probably going to get me something to do for his business. If not, then hopefully I will have a place to work.  But if I can end the summer with about $1,500 (or something over $1,000).  That would be really good.  I'll have a little cushion for coming into the school year to get my books, etc.  Put some money towards my camera and other things for my hall.  Fun stuff =)

I went to RA training today.  I'm actually looking forward to being able to listen to Danny Lamonte over the course of the next year.  In just an hour and a half, I have learned a lot.  I definitely gained a new perspective on what it takes to be an RA.  I do know that today was only just a small percentage of learning.  There will be 8 days worth of RA training when I come back in August.  

But one thing that I was really reminded about today was how we have to take ownership of our hall. It's our ministry.  I think that when we take ownership of something in that nature, we are able to have an emotional connection.  Which I feel is why I really had to learn how to emphasize over the course of this year.  For the girls on my hall... they're going to be mine... If they hurt, I need to hurt.. if they're struggling, I struggle... if they're happy, I'm happy.  I think I'm definitely going to be focusing on that the most next year.  In Romans 12, it talks about where we need to emphasize.. and I want to continue on with that. It will definitely be a way that I can connect and be used as a vessel to minister to them.  

I wouldn't say that I'm scared about being an RA next year, but I must admit that there is a form of uncertainty. Like, sometimes I want to premediate and prepare for the challenges that I'm going to face. I know coming into this school year, I never knew that I would have aced the challenges that I've faced.  But honestly, I have to say that those challenges have better prepared me for this position. I think also, what I'm trying to figure out is balance. Will I burn out?  I sit around making sure that I'm planning my class schedules in the right way so that I'll be able to handle everything.  Making sure that I won't be stupid.  I will need to have a detailed schedule.  I'm sure that I'll have room for flexibility, but I do know that there will be time that I won't have to be flexible. I will need to definitely pinpoint the areas in my life that I will need to sacrifice next year.  It's going to be pressure, but then at the same time, I'm confident in knowing that God is going to use me for something great.  Which makes me excited!  

I think that being in a new position always excites me! I'm definitely looking forward to the awesome things that God is going to do!

-Quayla

Forgiveness.... and then controversy...

I really feel as though this has been an eye opening school year for me. Both on the spiritual and natural standpoint.  It is really something at how much God works in my life and the lives a those around me. I do really thank Him every day for the things that He is doing in my life and those around me.

But I have had the time to really realize exactly how objective I am. Then at the same time of how important being objective really is.  I strongly believe that it is a great attribute as a Christian to be objective (not saying that I'm this great person because I am), especially because we have flaws.

This post may be a bit long...

But first of all, I've come to learn of how it feels to genuinely live a life of forgiveness.. and how quickly it can happen when you trust God through it all.  This year, I have definitely dealt with things that by "man's" standard,  I have every right to not forgive. Like, it took me about a day to gather myself, but I was able to first and foremost, keep the discussion to a minimum and move on.  I mean, I do have to take caution, but at the same time, I have been able to get past that.  The thing about it, is that I become excited about the advancements that this individual makes/achieves.  Which is awesome because there are times when people can just look at people in spite because of their promotions, or decisions, or things that God is doing in their life.

I really had to learn how to forgive myself to.  I didn't really grasp that aspect until last semester. It was something that I personally fought for years, which in turn has set me back so far.  It has definitely been a change after I learned how to do that.  I just really felt like sharing that.  The power of forgiveness is really amazing.

And now for the biggest part of my blog.....


This is definitely something that could potentially be a controversial topic.  But I've been thinking a lot about it lately and I really wanted to have it written down somewhere..

But the thing that hit me a lot lately were the fights against homosexuality and abortion. No way by any means am I a supporter of the two. However, I feel as though the message that we give by putting up a fight against these issues are fairly hypocritical.  Christians tend to say that there is no level of sin. That all sin is an automatic sentence to Hell, but by the grace of God, we can be saved.  But regardless, as flawed human beings, we still have sin that we deal with every day.

Proverbs 6:16-19 says "these six things the Lord hates. Yes, seven are an abomination to Him. A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren."


What I want to pinpoint is the fact that we have no right, absolutely NO right, to put a fight against these issues.  When we do this, it is as though we are justifying our own sin because it is not as "bad" as killing an unborn baby or being attracted to someone of the same sex.  I feel as though if there is a fight for this, there should be just as much of a fight for laws against lying, against spreading rumors, against causing strife among others, against even "thinking" about doing something bad to someone.  All those times when people are saying, "Gosh I just want to hit her/him" is JUST as bad as if someone were to perform abortion.  I mean, God doesn't decide to banish us or treat us bad for these things, so why should we do that to others?

We just put these levels to sins and it's not right at all. We have the nerve to even think that it's okay.  It's definitely a big part of the reason why people put themselves away from Christianity because we tend to justify our own sin and say that the world is messed up. WE ALL ARE MESSED UP. But that is why Christ died for us. So we can just give Him our mess no matter what it is. I think that if we all fully understood that concept and gave the impression that without Him, we are all flawed individuals, no one would be hesitant to have the desire to understand what it really is like to live in His will.

Like, I don't believe that we should stand in the back burner and not speaking up about what we believe. However, I do believe that it is important to establish the fact that because I am a flawed individual, I deserve every bit to go to Hell, no more or no less than the person right next to me.

We are more equal than you think. We all deserve to go to Hell. We deserve nothing BUT Hell. But by the GRACE of God, we ALL have the opportunity to experience His kingdom, His glory, His power.  Regardless of what we have done, or said, or thought.

That is pretty much what I wanted to share.  Of course it may be a controversial thing, but hey, it is what it is. =)

-Quayla

Objectivity... bias.... O___o... LOVE

So.. I had a mentally stimulating topic with my quadmate, Britney.  You really don't think about how you would react to certain things. There are a few that I want to I guess write about...

One of the questions was... say that there is a child that is in an orphanage, and a homosexual couple wanted to adopt him (or her).  Would you let the couple adopt the child, or would you let the child grow up as an orphan... basically with the feeling of rejection for their whole entire life?

I have NEVER taken into consideration of something like that.  Because both sides has negativity to it.  The thing that I ultimately think about is how there is no limitations to where God can move... but how would you respond in that situation... would you want a child to grow up alone?  That's a hard thing to grasp.

It's an objective thing for me.  I guess for one, I have learned how to be objective, especially as a Communication major.  Some people may disagree with me. I do have my beliefs. I have my stance about homosexuality... but at the same time.... I need to have that SAME stance about lying...  About talking badly about someone.. about being disrespectful.  I mean, homosexuality can lead to a greater physical consequence.. but spiritually, it's held the same why.  So I have NO right to justify my sin.. and not anyone else's.  Either way, my sin is going to affect others.. just as much as their sin affects others.

The next question was related to abortion.  
Of course, we have a stance that of course abortion is wrong.  Life begins at conception.  So we honestly have NO right to take away the opportunity for someone to have life.  But at the same time... I have NO idea of the kind of things that a girl as to emotionally deal with when it comes to abortion. That's a common argument that people that justify abortion make.  Which is a true statement in  a way Like... if I were personally put into that situation.. I cannot say for any girl.. whether they are COMPLETELY against abortion or not... that would not even have abortion come across their mind at least a little. I cannot imagine myself in that situation.. which is part of the reason as to why the sanctity of sex in marriage is valuable to me. Especially as a student in high school.. especially as someone who grew up in a surrounding where people who became pregnant were suddenly looked down upon. Can you really say that you wouldn't even think about it? Then another.. if they were sexual abused.  They obviously will have a different perception of it.  Something that they didn't have any control over.  Although the chances of that is very small.. it is still possible.  I can't put myself in that situation... but you cannot say that the thought may occur. Makes me REALLY reflect on the importance of saving sex for marriage.I have to make sure that I'm not put into those compromising situations. Because things like that are possible.. It just really makes you think a lot deeper.  Which is why empathy is an important trait to have as a believer in Christ (Romans 12:14-15).

I kind of wanted to touch on those two things.. because... It made me reflect on HOW important embracing God's love really is.. and at the same time how hard it is.  Sadly enough, there are a lot of people that will consider things like abortion because of people they feel would look down on them. I can honestly say that what I know.. is if I was in a situation like that.. I've already established that I'd probably not leave my house.  If it came to that.. because I know that with the character that I do have.. it's like.. a blow.. I mean.. we do have to pay the consequences for our actions.. but our consequence should NOT be rejection from the body of Christ. I really think that if we all loved like we were supposed to.. the fight for abortions would not be nearly as strong as it is now.

Even with homosexuality.. A lot of times, they too feel rejected.. which is why they consider Christians to be homophobes (which in some cases, there are).  I personally had to learn that.  But I did.. and it wasn't easy. I don't really know whether or not I have friends that are that way. But I do know I have relatives. (which is a main reason why I had to dig deep into it)  I destroy my testimony and progress with reaching out to them if I blatantly talk about how homosexuality is wrong. Whether through fb statuses, etc.  The same really can apply to any other type of sin... but we have to also take note that we ARE FLAWED.  We cannot make exceptions for any sin.. but at the same time.. we have to address them in love.

-Quayla

Chiseling... Qualifying... NEXT YEAR

This is my first blog in a while. I am really slacking and its definitely not a good thing.  I used to write all the time.

Hahaha well anyways, the past few weeks (well, month actually) has been one of those defining moments for me. For one, I officially am majoring in Broadcasting and Public Relations.  With a minor in Psychology.  I never thought that I would actually minor in Psychology. It never really crossed my mind that much for me to want to declare it.  But during RA qualifying weekend, we had to do a counseling session and that really hit home for me.  I loved doing it, but at the same time, I want to learn how to better counsel.. to better understand that way people think.  Especially teenagers and young adults.

I'm still in the process of waiting for God to tell me exactly what He wants me to do with my career. But I feel as though these little adjustments that I've been making as far as my major and campus involvement goes are allowing me to get closer to finding out.

But again, God has really been chiseling off hindrances in my life. Whether its with the things I say, or things that I needed to learn how to deal with.  I've especially been convicted heavily on the things that I say.  I am definitely hasty with my words.. or when something bothers me, I tend to go on and on about it.   But in my devotionals, I've been basically reflecting on wisdom. And learned how FOOLISH it is to keep going on with my words. It will definitely bring a lot of trouble my way.

But God is definitely shaping me to become a leader.

I was selected to become an RA for the next school year.  It is absolutely phenomenal! It is also great because at the beginning of the school year, I wasn't sure if I was quite ready to actually take on the role of having the spiritual responsibility of 50+ girls on a hall.   I still have a lot of learning to do, but now, I feel confident that it is the time and place for me to start.  It's going to be a growing process, but I'm excited for it!  Over the next few days, I'll be meeting with possible RA partners and next Friday, I'll get my placement for the next year and then the formatting of the leadership team will begin.  I'm REALLY excited about what God is going to do over the course of the next few months as well as the next school year.

But that is basically my mini update on what has been going on!

-Quayla

RA Hosting Week

Wow. This is the first blog that I have written in a while.  So much has been going on. But it actually has been amazing! I had the opportunity to pass first cuts for RA.  Going through the past week for the second round has been quite an experience! For one thing, I have to say that I wish it was a required thing for everyone in leadership to do. I say this because I have definitely learned a lot about myself just in one week. I also have been able to tap into better understanding what God wants me to do with my life.  But then on the spiritual standpoint, I have been able to see my strengths and weaknesses.  I've learned a new level of humility.  I have been able to see more clearly the areas in my life that I need to grow in.  I'm not sure if I'm going to make RA or not, I really hope I do, and I'm confident that I will... but if I don't, I won't feel like I wasted any time.  I enjoyed this experience, learned SO much.  I will never take it back.

One thing that I really learned this week is how far I've come.  Sometimes you won't realize it until you're given the opportunity to share.  Last night, my host RAs asked us to share our story/testimony. I have shared my testimony with my Prayer Group last semester, but for some reason, sharing my testimony with another leader was different.  I haven't had the chance to share with my RAs fully yet, which I know will come, but for me, it was the first time that I shared my story with a leader.  I kind of set a goal for myself this year to be transparent.  So for me to be comfortable enough to share my story, it was actually amazing.  I have grown to the point where I've learned how to forgive, learned how to trust God, learned how to grow.


But I did get a chance to do cleanliness checks, convo checks, curfew checks, fire drills.  Haha I like it a lot.I would really enjoy the responsibility.

Definitely met some awesome people in the process.. Been a GREAT experience.  =)

-Quayla

Just a ramble

I feel as though I'm going to be up all night tonight. Pretty much because: 1. I haven't fully finished packing. I have to wash and dry the remainder of my clothes. My mom put a comforter in the wash... so that's going to take quite a while.  2. I have to actually finish cleaning.  haha at least I got my bathroom clean, but my room... not so much.  I know this time around I have to actually have my room entirely clean because my aunt is coming down for a couple of days and I guess somebody will be staying in my room.

By the time I get all of that done, it'll be time for me to get up and get ready for church.  So I assume that I will have to enjoy a cup of coffee when I get to church.

I cannot believe that school will be starting in a couple of days... well.. actually a day.  I already have a lot of busy work to do when I get there.. like buying and exchanging books... studying for the SLD test.. an SLD interview.. talking with my RAs about me taking the SLD position and then possibly seeing where that goes.

My goal for the semester is to finish with a 4.0. It's highly possible.. but I do want to bring my gpa up just a tad.  I have a 3.75 now I believe.  It's not bad.. but I would love to receive suma cum laude when I graduate. So I will need a 3.85 to get that.  Which means I will have to have a couple of 4.0 semesters. Then no less than  3.5 in a few others. So far the lowest grade that I've gotten was 3.6, so if I just keep that as my low, and get a few more high gpa semesters, I should be good to go.  I believe that it could happen, I just definitely have to keep focused, organize my time better.  Minimize my leisure time on the internet, and it could happen.  I'm actually glad that I only have one class on Tuesday and Thursdays. So I have literally all day to study and do work.  Especially when it'll be a time that no one will be in the quad.  I also will have more than enough time to get a regular exercise routine going.  I am very much out of shape it is ridiculous.  I have to get overall body tone and I cannot allow it to get out of control.  I know that I can do it, I just have to put it into my schedule like it's a class.  And definitely work hard.

I have to actually complete my goal list for the year of 2012.. I have part of my list at school from last year, so I have to look at it and see what I've completed, and what I haven't.  Then I need to examine which ones are better to attain, spend some time making a template... then keeping them in my notebook somewhere.  I was kind of hoping that I would have more time to get it done tomorrow, but I know for a fact that I'm not going to get to school at a decent time. Well, maybe hopefully I can get to school by 5:30.. If I do, than I can possibly have some time to do so.

One thing that I want to do this semester is to get a job. I think either Monday or Tuesday, I'll go to the mall and put in some applications. Hopefully it'll work out that way. I have no preferences as to where I work.  My parents are at the point where they're like "your job is only school". However, I really feel as though I should start working towards doing something for myself, especially when it comes to wanting to do something that requires money, I want to be able to just get what I need to get right then and there without having to wait for it, or ask for the money. I don't think that's a bad desire to have.

But all in all.. that's what's going on in my head.. haha I actually think I can go to bed now...

-Quayla

Joseph-That Leader

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately.  Of course you hear from time to time that "so and so" is a GREAT leader.  But it actually made me want to look just a tad further as to what distinguishes a good leader... from a GREAT leader...

That's where the question "Where do I fit in?" comes.  I never really understood the fact as to why people said that I had the capabilities of being a leader. I felt as though it was strange, being the fact that I don't "force" my way into the perceived leadership position. Yes, I tend to be very competitive, but I somehow step aside and let someone else take that know "leadership" role in a group. Although I enjoy being the "go-to" person, I actually tend to sit back.  I'm not the "everything needs to be my way or else" kind of person....

But I'm not a "I'll let them handle it until they get lost or chaos comes" kind of leader either.

I've even taken classes where we discussed the types of leaders in groups, and I didn't fall into ANY of them... or at least I struggle with figuring it out.  So hearing the words "Quayla, you're a leader" really makes me wonder....

But then I started to reflect and think this....  "What attributes of a leader should I have? if I am, in fact going to be a leader? Or am one?"  

But for some reason... God bought me to Joseph.  I've read about him A LOT growing up.  Of course, there is always something more revelation to receive about the Word of God in every passage.  You can never FULLY receive a revelation in any portion.

Some of the things that were pointed out to me about Joseph's leadership were actually like "oh duh!" moments... but then there were a few that was like.. "wow.. I didn't know that!"  It was definitely insightful.

Joseph Mastered The Little Things...

Joseph was a slave... what can be more low than being a slave? He made the best of it, mastered that position and was promoted to being Potipher's personal servant... Then he went on to master in that position as well... But then he ended up in prison (Which I will discuss in a bit)... However, When Joseph was placed in prison, the warden apparently liked him so much that he placed him in charge of a certain amount of prisioners....

That's definitely something that leaders should take into consideration... The things that really don't seem like a big deal to us, may actually be a BIG deal in the long run..  

Joseph Did Not Give Into Sexual Temptation

Potipher's wife attempted to seduce Joseph. Which led to him being placed in prison basically.  Now, for the average man... actually.. for any man.. that is NOT and easy thing to deal with. I can't really say how Potipher's wife looked in appearance, but let's just assume that she was pretty. Joseph to taking the initiative to run away from the temptation was a BIG deal. 

Leaders cannot give into those temptations.. it is definitely a hard in our generation to resist it. Especially when everything in media, music, friends, etc. are making it appear acceptable. But it is important to take a stand against those temptations and run away from it

Joseph Respected His Leaders

That's definitely one that we don't think about often...  Joseph respected Potipher enough to not sleep with his wife... 

Joseph Was Concerned With the Way God Viewed Him.

 Joseph fled from temptation because he was concerned about him sinning against God (Genesis 39:9).  Although he did express his respect for Potipher, he was more concerned with the evil act. 

Joseph Was Patient

He spent about 13 years in slavery... He probably didn't know what God's plan for him was from the beginning, but he allowed God to work and move on his behalf...

Joseph Gave All Credit to God For His Gift

Joseph was able to interpret dreams! I mean, we've all heard of those crazy people that try to tell you what your dreams mean.. When majority of those people are just trying to get money out of it. ABSOLUTELY gives NO credit to God.. 

Joseph was God-inspired, which is why he had the gift to interpret dreams. It's only right to give Him credit for it.

Joseph Encouraged Others to Lead-He was Humble

Joseph didn't jump into the leadership role after he explained Pharaoh's dream.  He immediately told Pharaoh that he had to find someone that fit the qualifications to lead Egypt through the famine. 


Joseph Was Strategic/He Planned
I don't know how it was humanly possible to store enough food to last an entire population of Egypt for 7 Years... Let alone, having enough to give out to people who were not living in Egypt! Either their appetites weren't nearly as big as ours or something... But however it was done, definitely required a lot of time to plan. He mastered that..


Joseph didn't allow his "past" to determine his future...


It's hard to deal with when your own flesh and blood sells you into slavery.  How can you deal with that? I'm sure Joseph had a lot of time to think about it. He had to have experienced a lot of hurt and pain. But he was able to forgive and act on forgiveness... 

Those were a few things that I was able to pull from it.. Definitely a good thing to use to examine where I am.