New Lifestyle?-Some thoughts

So I want to try to actually get this down while its actually fresh in my thoughts. I think I have time to get everything out. Ha. I definitely have to do something intense thinking over the next few months. I'll be 18 in less than 2 weeks. I graduate in 2 months. I leave for college in 4 1/2 months. It'll definitely be a good bit of adjusting to do. Especially with the fact that 95% of my social circles will change. I'm not going to have a whole lot of time to maintain friendships back home because, of course, I will be busy maintaining good grades as well as working a job. I realized that by having a job, I won't be able to come home as frequently because there will be times when I'll have to work on weekends. It never really processed until this weekend I guess lol (so many things have come into perspective lately). However, there is one friendship that I would really like to maintain. The only thing is, I'm not exactly sure how. The situation will be a complicated one. BIG time. But I don't know... maybe.. if God still wants me to have that friendship, it'll become easy to maintain. If its time to move away from that friendship, then God will help me move away. I just have to trust Him completely about it.

I'm starting to become nervous about my new life. However, I'm excited at the same time. Thinking about the new faces that I will be able to see. The new friends that I will be able to meet. I really believe that I will meet some people that are going to be in my life... for well... the rest of my life. I'm ready to face the next four years of my life.

I'm somehow a little pessimistic about, well... I guess I can say it.. boys. Its not that I ABSOLUTELY NEED to be in a relationship, but there are times when I sit back and think about if, it'll ever happen to me. Then I think about the who's, what's, when's, and where's. Then sometimes, I wonder if I need to re-evaluate my preferences. Or just continue being patient. Sometimes being patient is REALLY hard.. Especially when hardly anyone else is doing the same. Sometimes I also wonder if its just my "shy-ness" that gets in the way. Or maybe being shy is a good thing in this case. Then sometimes I wonder if.. well.. my past is holding me back... All it took was one relationship. Sometimes, in the back of my mind, I'm scared that the same exact things will happen again. I do know that I don't want to enter into a relationship with that kind of bondage. Definitely can't do that. I have to get free from a good bit of things that I have affected me in my past.. and some of the things that are affecting me in the future.

Then I realized that I need to value myself a bit more than what I do now. I have been making progress, but there are still some things that I really need to adjust/change. Some standards that I've dropped or built because of some insecurities that remain.

These are all pretty much things that I need to give to God. I have to spend a LOT more time with Him as I continue on this journey. I know without Him, it will definitely take a LOT longer for me to complete all of this stuff...

hmmm...

Thoughts

I had the opportunity to go to a wedding this afternoon for Briana Dawkins. it's interesting because now that I am pretty much able to make my own decisions as far as going places and participating in things, so when it comes to weddings, I'm very selective about the ones that I go to. Pretty much because there are a lot of people nowadays that get married for the wrong reasons, or in some cases, they aren't ready for marriage. Those factors are basically the ones that lead to divorce. My dad and I somehow have a pet peeve of that. Definitely.

Well... anyways.. I've had the opportunity to play basketball with Bri during my 8th grade year and her sister, April during 8th and 9th grade. After the 10th grade, I would probably see them every now and then. But it was always great to see/talk to them when I did. I have been able to see their family maintain a lifestyle of purity. They LOVED God with everything within them.

Bri' wedding was phenomenal! Christ centered, simple, but I have to say that it was the most beautiful and BEST wedding that I have ever been to. It is kind of how I would like for my wedding to be... Christ centered. Of course the wedding was for them, but you could see how much they would pull away from themselves to serve God whole heartedly (sp). It was very well explained how when two people come closer to each other as they become closer to God. It was definitely something to think about.

hmm

1. Do you think you eat more than you should?
no

2. What is your favorite meal?
pizza.. or something chinese

3. What did you have for dinner today (or yesterday)?
emm I didn't eat dinner last night

4. What is your favorite dessert?
ice cream :D

5. Can you cook well?
yeah

6. Are you a fruit or veggie person?
i'm so fruit definitely

7. What is your favorite restaurant to go to?
hmm Applebee's and I like Red Robin and Cheeburger Cheeburger

8. Do you feel comfortable with your weight?
yep.. I could tone up a bit though

9. Are you vegetarian or vegan?
not really.. considering being a partial vegetarian though

10. Describe your normal eating habits
emm I kind of eat little snacks here and there multiple times a day


1. How much do you find yourself thinking about sex?
not that much.. I'm pure =)

2. Are you still a virgin?
yes

3. If not, who did you lose your virginity to and when?


4. Do you believe you should be in love to have sex?
I mean.. why have sex with someone you're not married to? why marry someone you don't love?

5. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
no

6. What the first thing you look for in a boy/girl?
the way his hair looks and the way he dresses.. it somehow shows in part the way he carries himself... maturity..responsibility.. personality.. and what his standards are

7. Do you have any special fantasies?
emm haha

8. Have you been in lust more than love?
well.. apparently.. because I've been hurt SO much by it in the past... but now.. no

9. Would you have sex with more than one person?
no

10. Who in your life do you feel the most lust for?
I don't lust after anyone

Greed
1. What do you want more than anything right now?
ice cream lol

2. Does money play an important part of your life?
em its important to have if I need something.. but at the moment no.. because my parents buy a lot of my stuff.. but in college.. I'll have to get a job to pay for leisure stuff, so yeah it'll be pretty important

3. What are your goals for the future?
finish school... start career.. start a family.. raise them well

4. Do you think money is more important than love?
no

5. If you were given one million dollars right now, what would you do with it?
tithe.. buy necessities.. budget.. save

6. Has anyone ever called you spoiled or greedy?
emm spoiled.. yeah lol

7. Do your parents have a lot of money?
I think so..

8. How much money do you spend in one week?
not much

9. Do/would you share with people that are less fortunate?
it depends on the way they take care of things.. there are some less fortunate people who treat things like CRAP and that's why they're less fortunate

10. Have you ever robbed someone?
no

Sloth
1. Have many people called you lazy?
emm none?

2. How much sleep do you get at night?
it depends on the day.. sometimes I don't sleep that well at night lol so I spend most/all of my morning sleeping lol

3. Do you often take naps in the middle of the day?
it depends on the time I get up in the morning

4. What was the most depressing time of your life?
emm junior year ha

5. What is the best way to relax?
reading my bible/talking to God.. writing

6. Would you consider yourself more of a follower or leader?
leader

7. Would you consider yourself a caring person?
yes

8. What time do you go to bed at night?
I don't remember

9. What do you waste most of your time doing?
facebook lol.. but I do get other stuff done

10. Would you rather go out somewhere or stay home?
go out.. I guess

Wrath
1. Who was the last person you were upset with?
Michael

2. What is the meanest thing you’ve ever done to someone?
tied them up w/ duct tape lol

3. Do you hate anyone?
no

4. Are you angry a lot?
no

5. What was the last thing that made you mad?
#1.. and the fact that I'm sure he twisted stories up, etc. acting like he's the victim

6. Have you even been in a physical fight with someone?
yeah

7. Has there been a time that you wanted to seek revenge?
yeah

8. What is your biggest pet peeve?
emm idk.. incorrect usage of grammar in text... lol

9. How do you express your anger and frustration?
write..

10. Is it easy for you to forgive?
it depends..

Envy
1. Who are you most jealous of?
no one

2. What is something you want that your best friend has?
my own car lol

3. What is one thing you think you are lacking in life?
emm nothing really

5. How would you consider yourself lucky?
I live in a two parents home with parents that are in love with each other.. and I'm a college-bound senior =)

6. Unlucky?
emm... nothing that I know of

7. Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?
yeah

8. Overall, do you think you have everything you need?
not everything... there are still areas that I need to grow in that will allow me to better prepare for the things that I need in the future

9. Is there anyone that has been envious of you?
probably

10. Do you want a better life than what you have?
no

Pride
1. What is your best physical feature?
my eyes..

2. What do you like most about your personality?
I'm determined.. not easily angered.. articulate

3. How much time do you take to get ready in the morning?
it depends.. like a half hour

4. Do you wear a lot of make-up?
no

5. How often do you go shopping?
ehh when i feel like it

6. Are your looks very important to you?
they have importance.. but not the most important thing

7. Would you ever like to be a model?
I did it once

8. What could be improved about your body?
I need some more tone.. I lost a lot of it by not playing bball =( gym time

9. Do you think that you’re better than others?
no

10. What is your most embarrassing moment?
ehh idk