I think now.. is the perfect opportunity to sit down and write about my life lately...
God has been teaching me to trust Him. In ways that I didn't think He would.
It is funny because at the beginning of the semester, I was telling my roommate how I don't really mind serving people and they don't notice it, or make recognition of it. But I do hate, however, when people disrespect and act as though I don't do anything for them.
That's kind of how being an RA gets sometimes. I was talking to one of my prayer leaders today and it got to being close to 1 AM and she's like ahh I need to go to bed and do work! Sorry for keeping you two up so late. And I told her how me and my roommate haven't been to bed before 2 AM pretty much all semester. And she's in shock because she didn't know.
Yep. The first time I think that I've been in bed before 2 all semester was when I went home for fall break.I have so many responsibilities that have to be done... that going to bed before 2 just isn't an option. That's my job. I'm totally fine with it.
My job, has put me in a position of being disrespected. Directly and indirectly. To my partner. To the people on my team. You name it. I have never in my entire 20 years of living, felt so disrespected.
But the thing that has bothered me the most is everyone's excuses for their inability to do something because they are "busy". It actually makes me laugh... because they have absolutely no clue what busy is. Sometimes I want to just say "uh you're an underclassman.. and you're busy? Please explain some more why your life is so busy." I want to go through a list of everything that I've had and have to do with my life on top of school. It's difficult.
But instead, I just listen. And boy does that take some humility to listen to all the "nonsense" these people have to say and do without responding. I never realized exactly how prideful I was until this semester. Yeah, I knew that I had some issues with pride, but man, I never really realized HOW much of it was actually there.
I take pride in my work in the way where I want it to be respected. You don't need to tell me I've done a good job. Just don't disrespect it. So to be in a place where that area is being violated, I have truly been able to see how prideful I really am.
My job as being an RA is simply a job that sometimes go unnoticed by people looking from the outside. Yes, I knew coming into the position that it would be like that, but I never knew the actual severity of it.
And when I say that I was humbled by the aspects of things, I mean it.
God has reminded me the importance of trusting Him. Beyond my arrogance and beyond my pride. Beyond the feeling that things would just be right if I personally took action. Beyond the feelings of wanting to punch someone in the face or give them a spanking.
God has reminded me that this job... is not for me. This job is to honor and glorify Him. Through my words, through my actions. Through my thoughts. This job is not to gain friends. This job is to gain followers of Christ.
This job does not go unnoticed
Then I think about it and am reminded just a little further....
This isn't YOUR job. This is YOUR ministry. But most importantly.. this is MY place to work, not yours.
God really encouraged over the course of the past few days and honestly, I feel so much more at peace about how things are going instead of just feeling stressed out or scrambling around trying to solve them on my own.
Again, I have been humbled...
-Quayla
