I find it interesting that as I'm maturing, I really enjoy coming home for break to my family.  I've been here for my second day and nothing has clashed. We've been getting along, I'm not annoyed.  I really did not realize how immature I once was until now.  When I felt as though the things that I had issues with were actually there to better myself.  I am very grateful for my family and the fact that they are constantly pushing me to have a relationship with Christ.  Then for one, I am thankful that I have a relationship with Him.

I think that this week will be a refresher for me. I want to take this time to reflect.  Catch up with a few people, then get some needed work done. So far, I did accomplish getting my braids out.  Which is a BIG deal haha. They take HOURS.  

Tomorrow, I will have to get research done for my presentation and e-mail it do one of my group members.  Then possibly taking pictures since it'll be 70 degrees.  Monday... probably roaming around taking more pictures and then going to my brother's first basketball game.  Tuesday working on my presentation.. then doing extra credit stuff for my design class (I shockingly have an A in the class, but I may need the extra credit since this magazine is worth a BIG chunk of my final grade).Wednesday, pictures maybe? Then church.  Thursday, Thanksgiving.. Friday.. maybe hanging out somewhere and taking more pictures?  Saturday, maybe pictures then heading back to Lynchburg for my final two weeks of the semester.  

Ha my major plan is to take a series of pictures for my final exam project.  My theme is companionship.. so I want to incorporate that with people and inanimate objects.  I kind of want to utilize downtown and see if the buildings would help some.  If it works out, I can do it on Friday or something. I need to spend time tomorrow sketching out a plan.  What I want to use, etc.  I need a minimum of 35 images.. but for the sake of my song selection, I need 50.  The song that I'm choosing is "I'll Be There" by Tiffany Evans.  It's actually a really good one and would fit perfectly.  I just need to get the images, then make the slideshow when I get back to school.  These next two weeks won't be the toughest, which I'm glad.  So I may actually get a chance to catch up on sleep and be energized for the exams that I have.  

I need to figure out what I"m going to do for Christmas break though.  Possibly applying for jobs in Lynchburg and then browsing for little random side jobs to get a little income in.  I definitely want to start saving and becoming more independent.  I know my parents are willing to help, but it is good to have something that you've earned.  

We'll see about it all. I should take a bunch of pictures and sell them or something. Like stock images.. lol I may actually try it and see if it works.  It just might. 

But all in all.... I think that this week will be more of a relaxing, hobby time week.  It'll be great.  

-Quayla

I kind of want to make blogging a consistent thing. We will see.

This blog I think I'll make just a bit more personal than usual.  Not that I'm going to go into deep details about myself. But I think I'll be a bit more transparent than what I have been.

Although I have sought to experience a level of growth constantly in the past, I feel as though this semester has been the one where I have grown the most. I've become more knowledgeable about the fact that I am absolutely worthless without God. I've always known.. but now I KNOW.

I do feel as though the area that I've been relying on Him the most this semester was my emotions/feelings.  Now I'm not much of any emotional person.. but as far as my feelings go.. I would definitely like to have a better guard. In a way that I'm not falling for someone easily (which doesn't really happen), where I'm not feeling inadequate because someone doesn't share mutual interest, and where I don't have a wall built so hard that no one can pass.   I feel as though its becoming easier lately. Mainly because I really have developed a level of humility but an increasing love for myself.  Which comes from my increasing love for God.
For the first time in my life, I can really say that I'm falling more in love with God everyday.  That greatly contributes to the love I have for myself.  Which in turn has transformed me into becoming that Proverbs 31 woman.. not only on a spiritual level, but physically and mentally as well. Things that never sparked my interest before this semester suddenly does .. I'm becoming girly.  Its crazy. But fun.

But when it does come to my emotions... old things resurface.. and I really do not know how to perceive or handle it. Its been something that I've dealt with the hardest this semester. It got to the point where I was tired of the cycle. God is still working on it, but I do see progress. Its so comforting to know that.

One thing I've noticed this semester is how well I get along with people.  There has been so much tension going on lately between other people and I really don't see why either party would feel that way about the other.  Its weird. But I have had the time to observe and apparently I'm the advice giver sometimes.

But it's getting late. Even though I can sleep in tomorrow,  I still want to get as much as I can.

-Quayla

Pride...leadership...

There is a time in your life when you really figure out who you are when you're faced with a questionable situation.  The decisions that you make reflect who you are becoming.

Of course this is something that you kind of "know" but don't really know. If that makes any sense. I've experienced something that I've never had before out of the 19 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say that being in an interracial relationship with someone was out of the will of God. Then I was confirmed that she, along with her parents believed that.  For someone to have the audacity to say that to someone of a different ethnicity is not only offensive, it hurts.  I was very angry and upset.  At first, I didn't even want to look at her. I really had to get my entire self together in order to be able to look at and say something to her.  No one has ever made a racial slur to me in that way before.  Of course I have had someone ask questions out of curiosity regarding my race, but never have someone boldly saying something related to what I can and cannot do because of the color of my skin.

An automatic reaction for this is definitely to react physically.  I'm not a fighter, but at that moment, I really wanted to. This is when I'm glad that I have the parents that I do, because somehow, my mom texted me at the right time last night asking how I was doing. I mentioned what happened and then she mentioned it to my dad.  I talked to both of them about it and it helped.  My dad instructed me to talked to my RAs about the whole situation, and I did.  It was definitely a big help.  I never have been surrounded... or actually was comfortable enough to seek counsel from someone that is as wise as my parents and my RAs.  It makes me happy to know that I have grown in the area of being able to seek and ask someone for help when I need it.

Wow.. now that I'm thinking about it. To know that the pride that I had in my life is leaving me.... I never used to do something like that.  I've never been comfortable enough to express how I felt about things because I was "afraid" of what they might think of me or what they may say to me... I've never wanted to ask someone for help because I thought that I could figure it all out on my own.  In all actuality, it was pride.

I really enjoy the fact that I do have people, especially the leaders that have been set forth before me, that I can talk to about things like this.  I enjoy the fact that I know that they're going to tell me what the Lord says about things that I'm dealing with.  It's definitely the kind of leader that I want to eventually become.

I'm not happy that it has taken a situation like this for me to realize the areas in which I have grown and the areas that I do need to grow in.  However, it is good to know that I have grown.

It's a process of something that I do have to continue to work on.  I have to forgive in this situation and move on to the bigger and better things that God has for me in my life.

-Quayla