I had an intense urge to journal.. but for some odd reason, I decided to leave my books at school.
I couldn't wait any longer to fill something into it. So I'm going to fill in a blog post.
Coming home for Winter Break is definitely a combination of excitement, relaxation... and then frustration to boredom. For me to be "mentally" stable, I have to be active and doing something constantly... so sitting around for four weeks of the same exact routine of nothing-ness is absolutely a drag. I'm actually kind of hoping that I won't have to have another break like this ever again. (Especially Summer)
Though, I don't think I'm going to come home for Spring Break this year. I'm hoping that I can at least have a job somewhere in Lynchburg that I can possibly be working at during that break. I'm in the process of applying for quite a bit of places. Getting applications printed and ready so that as soon as I get to Lynchburg, I can go and submit them.
Right now, the biggest set-back is not having a car, or a consistent phone number. I can't take the statement of "believing God" for those things, without taking the initiative to stepping in action to getting them. So, me getting a car is going to start by me first getting a job. I've been blessed because my quadmate is willing to take me to work by just chipping in for gas. Which is a BIG help. Especially since the places in Lynchburg are so close to school.
Hopefully, if things go well, I can have a job for the Spring Semester, and then working/transferring to a location in Richmond for the Summer.. or working at a camp. They are going to do a Camp Fair in February at Liberty. So I will take the initiative to apply to as many as possible. For one, being in Richmond is not going to do much for me. Secondly, I need to get money saved up for quite a bit of things.
The thing about working is that I have tons of experience... just volunteer work.. So I guess it's time to start making money for it. And I'm way past the age of relying on my parents to give me money.
I think I should apply to become a nanny or something lol. I've heard that they actually bring in a bit. And I'm really good with children for one. I've worked with them for years. I guess the biggest downfall to actually becoming a nanny is the fact that I don't have CPR certification -___- ha.
Then I'm looking around for some other ideas. Like potential selling stock photos. I have quite a bit that I can use now.. But I wonder how much I can get from it. If it works well I can definitely use the extra cash.
But everything will fall into place. I just need not worry about it. I'm glad at the moment I don't have any expenses.. but is it weird that I want to just create that responsibility on my own?
Now I'm trying to decide if its the fact that I just need something to do, or just want money.. or both haha.
Yeah... it's probably both.
-Quayla
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Conflict.. peace...
For the past few days (well.. weeks), I've been reflecting and valuing peace.
I did NOT value it nearly as much as I should have... but this semester, I didn't realize how much I took it for granted.
Conflict... I have not seen so much in my entire life until this semester. It's just the point where everything is all over the place and its so much to mentally handle. I'm not even involved in it and it's overwhelming to deal with on a personal level. Actually.. I don't see how anyone can personally handle conflict on their own. It is something that you have to let God become involved. Because honestly.. the fact that the conflict that I've been involved in this semester was so minimal... is only because of God (if you can understand that). I mean, I'm not sure whether or not there is anyone on the hall that has an issue with me. I don't care really. Not everyone in the world is going to like me.. but I do have to do everything that is possible to make sure that I am at peace with everyone.
I think, if I were to be selected to be an RA, that would be the biggest struggle for me. I sort of mentioned it in my application... I know that I can handle it, but it's just the fact that my approach to it is different than most. For one, I grew up spending time with guys. The way guys deal with conflict is so much different than the way that girls deal with it. Girls have to talk about it all the time, even when it's over and done with. Guys just deal with it and be done.
I really am reminding myself that it is our job to remain peaceable with all men. Peace is IMPORTANT. God even mention that a house divided cannot stand. My parents used to mention it a lot.. and it's SOO true. It is definitely an area where I'm going to focus on next in my personal growth.
I need more guy friends. lol or at least call and talk to my dad and my brother more often... that is a good plan actually. lol
But here is my little rant
I did NOT value it nearly as much as I should have... but this semester, I didn't realize how much I took it for granted.
Conflict... I have not seen so much in my entire life until this semester. It's just the point where everything is all over the place and its so much to mentally handle. I'm not even involved in it and it's overwhelming to deal with on a personal level. Actually.. I don't see how anyone can personally handle conflict on their own. It is something that you have to let God become involved. Because honestly.. the fact that the conflict that I've been involved in this semester was so minimal... is only because of God (if you can understand that). I mean, I'm not sure whether or not there is anyone on the hall that has an issue with me. I don't care really. Not everyone in the world is going to like me.. but I do have to do everything that is possible to make sure that I am at peace with everyone.
I think, if I were to be selected to be an RA, that would be the biggest struggle for me. I sort of mentioned it in my application... I know that I can handle it, but it's just the fact that my approach to it is different than most. For one, I grew up spending time with guys. The way guys deal with conflict is so much different than the way that girls deal with it. Girls have to talk about it all the time, even when it's over and done with. Guys just deal with it and be done.
I really am reminding myself that it is our job to remain peaceable with all men. Peace is IMPORTANT. God even mention that a house divided cannot stand. My parents used to mention it a lot.. and it's SOO true. It is definitely an area where I'm going to focus on next in my personal growth.
I need more guy friends. lol or at least call and talk to my dad and my brother more often... that is a good plan actually. lol
But here is my little rant
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I find it interesting that as I'm maturing, I really enjoy coming home for break to my family. I've been here for my second day and nothing has clashed. We've been getting along, I'm not annoyed. I really did not realize how immature I once was until now. When I felt as though the things that I had issues with were actually there to better myself. I am very grateful for my family and the fact that they are constantly pushing me to have a relationship with Christ. Then for one, I am thankful that I have a relationship with Him.
I think that this week will be a refresher for me. I want to take this time to reflect. Catch up with a few people, then get some needed work done. So far, I did accomplish getting my braids out. Which is a BIG deal haha. They take HOURS.
Tomorrow, I will have to get research done for my presentation and e-mail it do one of my group members. Then possibly taking pictures since it'll be 70 degrees. Monday... probably roaming around taking more pictures and then going to my brother's first basketball game. Tuesday working on my presentation.. then doing extra credit stuff for my design class (I shockingly have an A in the class, but I may need the extra credit since this magazine is worth a BIG chunk of my final grade).Wednesday, pictures maybe? Then church. Thursday, Thanksgiving.. Friday.. maybe hanging out somewhere and taking more pictures? Saturday, maybe pictures then heading back to Lynchburg for my final two weeks of the semester.
Ha my major plan is to take a series of pictures for my final exam project. My theme is companionship.. so I want to incorporate that with people and inanimate objects. I kind of want to utilize downtown and see if the buildings would help some. If it works out, I can do it on Friday or something. I need to spend time tomorrow sketching out a plan. What I want to use, etc. I need a minimum of 35 images.. but for the sake of my song selection, I need 50. The song that I'm choosing is "I'll Be There" by Tiffany Evans. It's actually a really good one and would fit perfectly. I just need to get the images, then make the slideshow when I get back to school. These next two weeks won't be the toughest, which I'm glad. So I may actually get a chance to catch up on sleep and be energized for the exams that I have.
I need to figure out what I"m going to do for Christmas break though. Possibly applying for jobs in Lynchburg and then browsing for little random side jobs to get a little income in. I definitely want to start saving and becoming more independent. I know my parents are willing to help, but it is good to have something that you've earned.
We'll see about it all. I should take a bunch of pictures and sell them or something. Like stock images.. lol I may actually try it and see if it works. It just might.
But all in all.... I think that this week will be more of a relaxing, hobby time week. It'll be great.
-Quayla
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I kind of want to make blogging a consistent thing. We will see.
This blog I think I'll make just a bit more personal than usual. Not that I'm going to go into deep details about myself. But I think I'll be a bit more transparent than what I have been.
Although I have sought to experience a level of growth constantly in the past, I feel as though this semester has been the one where I have grown the most. I've become more knowledgeable about the fact that I am absolutely worthless without God. I've always known.. but now I KNOW.
I do feel as though the area that I've been relying on Him the most this semester was my emotions/feelings. Now I'm not much of any emotional person.. but as far as my feelings go.. I would definitely like to have a better guard. In a way that I'm not falling for someone easily (which doesn't really happen), where I'm not feeling inadequate because someone doesn't share mutual interest, and where I don't have a wall built so hard that no one can pass. I feel as though its becoming easier lately. Mainly because I really have developed a level of humility but an increasing love for myself. Which comes from my increasing love for God.
For the first time in my life, I can really say that I'm falling more in love with God everyday. That greatly contributes to the love I have for myself. Which in turn has transformed me into becoming that Proverbs 31 woman.. not only on a spiritual level, but physically and mentally as well. Things that never sparked my interest before this semester suddenly does .. I'm becoming girly. Its crazy. But fun.
But when it does come to my emotions... old things resurface.. and I really do not know how to perceive or handle it. Its been something that I've dealt with the hardest this semester. It got to the point where I was tired of the cycle. God is still working on it, but I do see progress. Its so comforting to know that.
One thing I've noticed this semester is how well I get along with people. There has been so much tension going on lately between other people and I really don't see why either party would feel that way about the other. Its weird. But I have had the time to observe and apparently I'm the advice giver sometimes.
But it's getting late. Even though I can sleep in tomorrow, I still want to get as much as I can.
-Quayla
Friday, November 4, 2011
Pride...leadership...
There is a time in your life when you really figure out who you are when you're faced with a questionable situation. The decisions that you make reflect who you are becoming.
Of course this is something that you kind of "know" but don't really know. If that makes any sense. I've experienced something that I've never had before out of the 19 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say that being in an interracial relationship with someone was out of the will of God. Then I was confirmed that she, along with her parents believed that. For someone to have the audacity to say that to someone of a different ethnicity is not only offensive, it hurts. I was very angry and upset. At first, I didn't even want to look at her. I really had to get my entire self together in order to be able to look at and say something to her. No one has ever made a racial slur to me in that way before. Of course I have had someone ask questions out of curiosity regarding my race, but never have someone boldly saying something related to what I can and cannot do because of the color of my skin.
An automatic reaction for this is definitely to react physically. I'm not a fighter, but at that moment, I really wanted to. This is when I'm glad that I have the parents that I do, because somehow, my mom texted me at the right time last night asking how I was doing. I mentioned what happened and then she mentioned it to my dad. I talked to both of them about it and it helped. My dad instructed me to talked to my RAs about the whole situation, and I did. It was definitely a big help. I never have been surrounded... or actually was comfortable enough to seek counsel from someone that is as wise as my parents and my RAs. It makes me happy to know that I have grown in the area of being able to seek and ask someone for help when I need it.
Wow.. now that I'm thinking about it. To know that the pride that I had in my life is leaving me.... I never used to do something like that. I've never been comfortable enough to express how I felt about things because I was "afraid" of what they might think of me or what they may say to me... I've never wanted to ask someone for help because I thought that I could figure it all out on my own. In all actuality, it was pride.
I really enjoy the fact that I do have people, especially the leaders that have been set forth before me, that I can talk to about things like this. I enjoy the fact that I know that they're going to tell me what the Lord says about things that I'm dealing with. It's definitely the kind of leader that I want to eventually become.
I'm not happy that it has taken a situation like this for me to realize the areas in which I have grown and the areas that I do need to grow in. However, it is good to know that I have grown.
It's a process of something that I do have to continue to work on. I have to forgive in this situation and move on to the bigger and better things that God has for me in my life.
-Quayla
Of course this is something that you kind of "know" but don't really know. If that makes any sense. I've experienced something that I've never had before out of the 19 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say that being in an interracial relationship with someone was out of the will of God. Then I was confirmed that she, along with her parents believed that. For someone to have the audacity to say that to someone of a different ethnicity is not only offensive, it hurts. I was very angry and upset. At first, I didn't even want to look at her. I really had to get my entire self together in order to be able to look at and say something to her. No one has ever made a racial slur to me in that way before. Of course I have had someone ask questions out of curiosity regarding my race, but never have someone boldly saying something related to what I can and cannot do because of the color of my skin.
An automatic reaction for this is definitely to react physically. I'm not a fighter, but at that moment, I really wanted to. This is when I'm glad that I have the parents that I do, because somehow, my mom texted me at the right time last night asking how I was doing. I mentioned what happened and then she mentioned it to my dad. I talked to both of them about it and it helped. My dad instructed me to talked to my RAs about the whole situation, and I did. It was definitely a big help. I never have been surrounded... or actually was comfortable enough to seek counsel from someone that is as wise as my parents and my RAs. It makes me happy to know that I have grown in the area of being able to seek and ask someone for help when I need it.
Wow.. now that I'm thinking about it. To know that the pride that I had in my life is leaving me.... I never used to do something like that. I've never been comfortable enough to express how I felt about things because I was "afraid" of what they might think of me or what they may say to me... I've never wanted to ask someone for help because I thought that I could figure it all out on my own. In all actuality, it was pride.
I really enjoy the fact that I do have people, especially the leaders that have been set forth before me, that I can talk to about things like this. I enjoy the fact that I know that they're going to tell me what the Lord says about things that I'm dealing with. It's definitely the kind of leader that I want to eventually become.
I'm not happy that it has taken a situation like this for me to realize the areas in which I have grown and the areas that I do need to grow in. However, it is good to know that I have grown.
It's a process of something that I do have to continue to work on. I have to forgive in this situation and move on to the bigger and better things that God has for me in my life.
-Quayla
Friday, October 28, 2011
Prayer
This week has actually been quite an interesting one. Though I am glad that the weekend is finally here.
I have been doing some reflections over the past few weeks with classes, careers, etc. I have definitely made my official decision to switch my specialization to Public Relations and Broadcasting. Everything will work out for the most part. I will only have to take 1 internship instead of two. (Although, I may try doing more than 1 anyway).
God is definitely moving in my life. I have had the opportunity to gain experience in something that I haven't even studied yet (I actually having something that I can put on my resume haha). He has allowed solid people to come through my life and helped me grow closer to Him. He has definitely helped me with patience, and helped me establish myself as a leader. He has showed me how much I need to rely on Him. I don't even know if I could do it all if I didn't have Him in my life.
God has also showed me how and gave me the biggest urge to have a consistent prayer life. Of course I have prayed regularly in the past. But I really think that most of the time that I've prayed, it was just to say that I "prayed". It wasn't genuine. I mean, I had genuine prayers every now and then.. but not on a consistent basis. I actually found myself the other day up at 3:30 AM studying, and then I just stopped everything that I was doing and prayed. For the girls in my quad... for the girls in my prayer group, for the girls on my hall, for my RAs, SLDs, then for myself and my family.. it went on. Honestly, there is SO much that someone can pray for, so there never is really a reason for anyone to say that they don't know what to pray. You can really sense the power of God move when you pray. I never realized or experienced that before. It's amazing. I'm glad that we are able to connect with God through prayer. I feel so much closer to Him on a personal level than ever before. Wow..
That's just something brief that I wanted to share.
-Quayla
Thursday, October 13, 2011
So I was actually going to try going to bed early. But obviously that's not going to happen tonight. I was definitely thinking hard about things today. I never really thought about it this way before. But here it goes.
I came to the conclusion last night that as an aspiring journalist, I love writing and reporting news, but I HATE conducting interviews. Everything about it other than setting one up. I hate the fact that I have to come up with questions to ask, and the fact that I have to actually ask the questions. But after I get all the information, I like putting it all together in writing. I don't even understand why its even like that.
At first I thought that it was my first interview assignment was a sport that I didn't know that made me uncomfortable. But then I actually began to do the ones for basketball and I still felt uncomfortable. I don't know if its something that I have to get accustomed to or if I really just don't want to do it.
I do know that I am more of a behind the scenes person. Which you can tell with my writing. I can express myself a lot better when I write versus explaining who I am verbally. I think that's partially why I love writing and receiving letters. But in general, I like working behind the scenes with administration things, etc.
The whole thing is just something to think about. I love 75% of the things that Journalism has to offer... it's just the other 25%: interviewing.
That's a major problem, I know. I don't even know if it's something I need to just duke out.. or get out of it completely before I go any further. ha I'm at the point where I can do it and still graduate on time.
Idk... -__-
-Quayla
I came to the conclusion last night that as an aspiring journalist, I love writing and reporting news, but I HATE conducting interviews. Everything about it other than setting one up. I hate the fact that I have to come up with questions to ask, and the fact that I have to actually ask the questions. But after I get all the information, I like putting it all together in writing. I don't even understand why its even like that.
At first I thought that it was my first interview assignment was a sport that I didn't know that made me uncomfortable. But then I actually began to do the ones for basketball and I still felt uncomfortable. I don't know if its something that I have to get accustomed to or if I really just don't want to do it.
I do know that I am more of a behind the scenes person. Which you can tell with my writing. I can express myself a lot better when I write versus explaining who I am verbally. I think that's partially why I love writing and receiving letters. But in general, I like working behind the scenes with administration things, etc.
The whole thing is just something to think about. I love 75% of the things that Journalism has to offer... it's just the other 25%: interviewing.
That's a major problem, I know. I don't even know if it's something I need to just duke out.. or get out of it completely before I go any further. ha I'm at the point where I can do it and still graduate on time.
Idk... -__-
-Quayla
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
What God has been doing in my life lately...
So I have returned to Blogspot....
I'm 5 classes... 1 presentation... 1 quiz... and 1 article away from my fall break. This one definitely came quickly yet I am ready for it even though my semester hasn't been stressful at all. I really haven't had a lot of work outside of class to do. Basically just writing. Then I've only have two exams so far. I only really have two classes that I have exams for period. (It may just be one depending on how well I do on my Creation Studies exam on Monday). But to think that it's already the middle of the semester blows me away. I am kind of ready for it to be the Spring though. I think I'll be able to feel more patient if they'll just post the Spring semester schedule. They're procrastinating just a bit too much with it. Registration starts Oct. 28. It's Oct. 4. They should probably get on that.
I have noticed that I have grown so much in these past two months. It's really interesting for one how the people that you're around affects how you act. How you perceive things. It is also another thing with how the way you've been taught by your parents affects the way you behave when you're away from them. This semester has definitely been a semester of change. Last year God has pinpointed one thing. This year, He's pinpointing another. The things that He does in my life to make me closer to Him overwhelms me.
Over the summer, God has really laid on my heart to study about the attributes that a woman of God should have. I've really been hooked on Esther originally. Mainly because I wanted to use it for a prayer group topic. I wasn't expecting as much impact on my life as it has. I actually began to pray and ask God to give me a heart to receive. To guard the things that come out of my mouth. The things that runs through my mind. The things that run through my heart. I also asked that He helped me with my relationships with others. He brought me to a 21-day devotional geared on specific women in the Bible. The devotional took me through women who have displayed righteousness and women who haven't (like Jezebel and Delilah). I've read about these women before, but reading through them again opened up my eyes to see what attributes I should have. Certain things in my personal preferences that need to change have been hit hard by just reading them. The attributes not only help bring me closer to God, but it creates a better character that I should have as a friend. It creates the character that I should have one day as a wife and mother.
I never really been the type of person that talked about things like this in full detail. But I somehow feel as though at this moment that God is definitely moving in my life so that I can be prepared to be a godly wife and mother. Yes, I want to have a husband and children one day, but I know that I cannot live the way I used to and expect that to happen. The things that God has worked in my life to change are essential to having a successful marriage and united family.
I really think that's the reason why I've been single so long. I dated one person in high school and have been single since. My parents established that I couldn't date until I was 18. But at 18, I never been faced with the opportunity to enter into a relationship with someone. "Feelings" that I've had for people never reciprocated and vice versa. It honestly became frustrating when so many people got into relationships. Especially when I was at the age when I was "allowed" to date. I honestly wasn't trying to rush things, but I kind of hoped during my freshman year that something would've opened up. lol. Totally didn't. I mean, I wasn't desperate to date someone. But I did have a love-hate relationship with being single.
I didn't realize until recently that the season in my life that I have been single was for a reason. First and foremost, I didn't know what God's plan was for my life fully. I knew that God of course wanted me to minister the Gospel (He requires that of all of us). I just didn't know the details of the whats, wheres, hows, etc. I've constantly battled with my life's purpose. I knew what I wanted to do... Just didn't know what God wants me to do. On the real, I still don't know every single detail. I'm getting closer though. I do know now that God has something for me to do with Communications and Photography. I'm taking more time seeking Him about certain things. But this time, I'm REALLY seeking Him. Other than just going through a "I don't know phase" and guessing.
What I'm trying to say with all of this is that God joins two people together to make them closer to Him. The plans and purposes that God has for them intertwines. I cannot date anyone without knowing what God wants me to do for Him. The reason being is because that is one of the criteria that you have to consider when having a "prospective" mate. You can't marry someone who has a calling for being a missionary when your calling is to be a businessman (or woman) in America. It just doesn't work that way. Someone would have to try "altering" their purpose to fit so they can be in a relationship with someone else. That takes you out of the will of God. Point Blank.
Another reason was that I used to keep my friendships to a limit. I mean, you have to be selective with who you consider to be your friends, but I used to have this thing of just keeping them at a certain distance so that I wouldn't be hurt or annoyed, etc. My relationships with other people just wasn't the way that it should've been. I kept to myself a lot. Didn't talk much at all to people that I didn't like. I especially didn't talk to people that appeared to not make any effort in communicating with me. I think this semester definitely changed that 180. I got to the point where I would call someone I knew out if I passed by them just to say "hey". I NEVER used to do that! I think what allowed that to happen was because I started to pray more for others than I ever have before in my entire life. I didn't realize how selfish I was. I never was the person that was selfish with material things. I was selfish emotionally. I was so into protecting MY emotions so that I wouldn't get hurt. So that I could be comfortable emotionally. Praying for others really takes you out of your selfishness. I feel as though being at Liberty as a Prayer Leader is impacting my life just as much as it is impacting the girls that are in my group.
I was also not hospitable at ALL! That is something that God has pinpointed to me the other day. If I want to continue to grow in my relationship with Him, I have to be hospitable to others. I always hated people to come to my house.. in my room.. going through my stuff.. etc. It's pretty self explanatory. I honestly felt as though I was right for not being hospitable. That is something that is still a work in progress.
There are a few others... but these were the ones that I wanted to share the most.
Even though I'm not exactly close to getting married at the moment, I still need to prepare. It's never too early to start preparing for things like this. Even when I'm not dating anyone. I need to have God number 1 in my life. I need to get rid of those things that is hindering my relationship with Him from growing.
I cannot tell you when and where all of this is supposed to happen. I can't even tell you if there is even someone that I know at this present day and time that would be suitable for me. The only thing I know is when those details are in order, I'll be ready. It's interesting to say and admit to myself and not to say it just to be saying it in agreement with someone else: that I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now. I'm getting closer, I may be ready sooner than I think. I just need to constantly prepare. I'll be ready when the time comes.
-Quayla
I'm 5 classes... 1 presentation... 1 quiz... and 1 article away from my fall break. This one definitely came quickly yet I am ready for it even though my semester hasn't been stressful at all. I really haven't had a lot of work outside of class to do. Basically just writing. Then I've only have two exams so far. I only really have two classes that I have exams for period. (It may just be one depending on how well I do on my Creation Studies exam on Monday). But to think that it's already the middle of the semester blows me away. I am kind of ready for it to be the Spring though. I think I'll be able to feel more patient if they'll just post the Spring semester schedule. They're procrastinating just a bit too much with it. Registration starts Oct. 28. It's Oct. 4. They should probably get on that.
I have noticed that I have grown so much in these past two months. It's really interesting for one how the people that you're around affects how you act. How you perceive things. It is also another thing with how the way you've been taught by your parents affects the way you behave when you're away from them. This semester has definitely been a semester of change. Last year God has pinpointed one thing. This year, He's pinpointing another. The things that He does in my life to make me closer to Him overwhelms me.
Over the summer, God has really laid on my heart to study about the attributes that a woman of God should have. I've really been hooked on Esther originally. Mainly because I wanted to use it for a prayer group topic. I wasn't expecting as much impact on my life as it has. I actually began to pray and ask God to give me a heart to receive. To guard the things that come out of my mouth. The things that runs through my mind. The things that run through my heart. I also asked that He helped me with my relationships with others. He brought me to a 21-day devotional geared on specific women in the Bible. The devotional took me through women who have displayed righteousness and women who haven't (like Jezebel and Delilah). I've read about these women before, but reading through them again opened up my eyes to see what attributes I should have. Certain things in my personal preferences that need to change have been hit hard by just reading them. The attributes not only help bring me closer to God, but it creates a better character that I should have as a friend. It creates the character that I should have one day as a wife and mother.
I never really been the type of person that talked about things like this in full detail. But I somehow feel as though at this moment that God is definitely moving in my life so that I can be prepared to be a godly wife and mother. Yes, I want to have a husband and children one day, but I know that I cannot live the way I used to and expect that to happen. The things that God has worked in my life to change are essential to having a successful marriage and united family.
I really think that's the reason why I've been single so long. I dated one person in high school and have been single since. My parents established that I couldn't date until I was 18. But at 18, I never been faced with the opportunity to enter into a relationship with someone. "Feelings" that I've had for people never reciprocated and vice versa. It honestly became frustrating when so many people got into relationships. Especially when I was at the age when I was "allowed" to date. I honestly wasn't trying to rush things, but I kind of hoped during my freshman year that something would've opened up. lol. Totally didn't. I mean, I wasn't desperate to date someone. But I did have a love-hate relationship with being single.
I didn't realize until recently that the season in my life that I have been single was for a reason. First and foremost, I didn't know what God's plan was for my life fully. I knew that God of course wanted me to minister the Gospel (He requires that of all of us). I just didn't know the details of the whats, wheres, hows, etc. I've constantly battled with my life's purpose. I knew what I wanted to do... Just didn't know what God wants me to do. On the real, I still don't know every single detail. I'm getting closer though. I do know now that God has something for me to do with Communications and Photography. I'm taking more time seeking Him about certain things. But this time, I'm REALLY seeking Him. Other than just going through a "I don't know phase" and guessing.
What I'm trying to say with all of this is that God joins two people together to make them closer to Him. The plans and purposes that God has for them intertwines. I cannot date anyone without knowing what God wants me to do for Him. The reason being is because that is one of the criteria that you have to consider when having a "prospective" mate. You can't marry someone who has a calling for being a missionary when your calling is to be a businessman (or woman) in America. It just doesn't work that way. Someone would have to try "altering" their purpose to fit so they can be in a relationship with someone else. That takes you out of the will of God. Point Blank.
Another reason was that I used to keep my friendships to a limit. I mean, you have to be selective with who you consider to be your friends, but I used to have this thing of just keeping them at a certain distance so that I wouldn't be hurt or annoyed, etc. My relationships with other people just wasn't the way that it should've been. I kept to myself a lot. Didn't talk much at all to people that I didn't like. I especially didn't talk to people that appeared to not make any effort in communicating with me. I think this semester definitely changed that 180. I got to the point where I would call someone I knew out if I passed by them just to say "hey". I NEVER used to do that! I think what allowed that to happen was because I started to pray more for others than I ever have before in my entire life. I didn't realize how selfish I was. I never was the person that was selfish with material things. I was selfish emotionally. I was so into protecting MY emotions so that I wouldn't get hurt. So that I could be comfortable emotionally. Praying for others really takes you out of your selfishness. I feel as though being at Liberty as a Prayer Leader is impacting my life just as much as it is impacting the girls that are in my group.
I was also not hospitable at ALL! That is something that God has pinpointed to me the other day. If I want to continue to grow in my relationship with Him, I have to be hospitable to others. I always hated people to come to my house.. in my room.. going through my stuff.. etc. It's pretty self explanatory. I honestly felt as though I was right for not being hospitable. That is something that is still a work in progress.
There are a few others... but these were the ones that I wanted to share the most.
Even though I'm not exactly close to getting married at the moment, I still need to prepare. It's never too early to start preparing for things like this. Even when I'm not dating anyone. I need to have God number 1 in my life. I need to get rid of those things that is hindering my relationship with Him from growing.
I cannot tell you when and where all of this is supposed to happen. I can't even tell you if there is even someone that I know at this present day and time that would be suitable for me. The only thing I know is when those details are in order, I'll be ready. It's interesting to say and admit to myself and not to say it just to be saying it in agreement with someone else: that I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now. I'm getting closer, I may be ready sooner than I think. I just need to constantly prepare. I'll be ready when the time comes.
-Quayla
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Semester update
I didn't really think I would ever come back to using Blogger. It's been a year since I've last updated something. And I haven't had many posts on this site to begin with. I've been switching around from blog to blog. I really just need to have a specific place that I have my loyalty to. Tumblr seems as though its more of a social site, instead of a place where I can share my thoughts. We'll see what this one post will lead to.
I had my first set of tests this week. To think that I only have two classes where I will actually have tests for. (It could be one depending on if I want to drop my creation studies class and then take it online next semester or during some future semester.) It's really cool. But at the same time its hard because I haven't fully transitioned to the "work" frame of mind. Overall, I really do love my second year at Liberty a lot better than my first. I've been surrounded by a great and dynamic group of people. Being on a leadership team where we all of us get along for one is amazing! I really do feel as though I can call any one of them up just to hang out. They are definitely a positive presence to be around. I don't feel any pull from being around them. Our hall in itself is great too! One of my RAs, Morgan was saying last night that she pretty much brags about our hall. I feel as though I do the same. So many different personalities and culture differences in one place has always been interesting to me. Then we all get along for the most part. It is really cool!
My SLDs are awesome too. I really know that its the Holy Spirit that is operating in our relationship. I have accoutabilites with Stephanie and its just been so easy to talk to her and tell her things that I really need to just talk about and release. I can usually tell bits of information about myself, but I've never been really comfortable with telling emotional things. I feel as though if things like that were to come up, I can tell her. I feel as though I can do the same with my RAs.
I love being a prayer leader. Even though I haven't been really gifted in the area of teaching, I've seen how the Holy Spirit moves and gives me ways to minister to the girls in my group. The interesting thing about it is how sometimes I plan on doing something specific and then He leads me to something completely different. It turns out to be so much better than what I originally planned to. I honestly can't understand why people could come to believe that God and His power doesn't exist. It's literally unfathomable.
Then I'm playing intramural basketball this semester. I think it's the first time I've played since the summer before my senior year of high school. So, two years? It's taking me a while to get my rhythm back, but I really do enjoy every moment of playing. It's great exercise for one. Then I'm doing something that I love. It's to the point where I don't even care if we win or lose (I mean, I do want us to win... but if we lose, I'm not really upset about it). The referees kind of have been getting to me though. Ha they're not really trained. So they miss a lot of calls, then call a lot of things that shouldn't be called. But I get over it pretty quickly. The thing about playing that I love the most is the fact that I'm able to do it without my knee hurting. That has been my biggest concern all of last year, which is why I decided not to play. I even was going to not play this semester. But I've been able to play 3 games so far without any problems with my knee. It is definitely all God.
I'm kind of back to the point where I'm thinking again about adding an extra specialization. Haha I know last year I really felt as though I should've been adding something. But was thinking it should've been PR or advertising. ha I did advertising and PR for a little bit in one of the survey classes and hated it. So I figured that I'd just stick with journalism and call it a day. But then I joined the media team this semester for hockey games and I literally LOVED working with cameras. The other stuff that goes along with it seems to be really interesting too. They give us all an opportunity to work with everything. I'll see how much I like it and then if it seems to go well, I think I may add it. I'll talk to my advisor about it next semester. I'm getting a new one, so once I figure who it is, then I'll set an appointment with him (or her) for next semester. In addition to getting my internship information straight. I"m starting to lean toward doing an internship in D.C. It'll just seem like its the easiest thing to do. We'll see.
But overall everything is going pretty well. Especially emotionally. (in addition to the Holy Spirit, I'm sure playing basketball is a contributor). I'm not off the wall emotionally and I feel as though it has been the most controlled since I first got into high school (weird). I definitely feel as though I'm experiencing growth in my emotions as well as the words that are coming out of my mouth. It's really awesome.
Well, that's all I have to say right now. I actually like the feel of this Blogger thing. ha we'll see if I come back =)
-Quayla
I had my first set of tests this week. To think that I only have two classes where I will actually have tests for. (It could be one depending on if I want to drop my creation studies class and then take it online next semester or during some future semester.) It's really cool. But at the same time its hard because I haven't fully transitioned to the "work" frame of mind. Overall, I really do love my second year at Liberty a lot better than my first. I've been surrounded by a great and dynamic group of people. Being on a leadership team where we all of us get along for one is amazing! I really do feel as though I can call any one of them up just to hang out. They are definitely a positive presence to be around. I don't feel any pull from being around them. Our hall in itself is great too! One of my RAs, Morgan was saying last night that she pretty much brags about our hall. I feel as though I do the same. So many different personalities and culture differences in one place has always been interesting to me. Then we all get along for the most part. It is really cool!
My SLDs are awesome too. I really know that its the Holy Spirit that is operating in our relationship. I have accoutabilites with Stephanie and its just been so easy to talk to her and tell her things that I really need to just talk about and release. I can usually tell bits of information about myself, but I've never been really comfortable with telling emotional things. I feel as though if things like that were to come up, I can tell her. I feel as though I can do the same with my RAs.
I love being a prayer leader. Even though I haven't been really gifted in the area of teaching, I've seen how the Holy Spirit moves and gives me ways to minister to the girls in my group. The interesting thing about it is how sometimes I plan on doing something specific and then He leads me to something completely different. It turns out to be so much better than what I originally planned to. I honestly can't understand why people could come to believe that God and His power doesn't exist. It's literally unfathomable.
Then I'm playing intramural basketball this semester. I think it's the first time I've played since the summer before my senior year of high school. So, two years? It's taking me a while to get my rhythm back, but I really do enjoy every moment of playing. It's great exercise for one. Then I'm doing something that I love. It's to the point where I don't even care if we win or lose (I mean, I do want us to win... but if we lose, I'm not really upset about it). The referees kind of have been getting to me though. Ha they're not really trained. So they miss a lot of calls, then call a lot of things that shouldn't be called. But I get over it pretty quickly. The thing about playing that I love the most is the fact that I'm able to do it without my knee hurting. That has been my biggest concern all of last year, which is why I decided not to play. I even was going to not play this semester. But I've been able to play 3 games so far without any problems with my knee. It is definitely all God.
I'm kind of back to the point where I'm thinking again about adding an extra specialization. Haha I know last year I really felt as though I should've been adding something. But was thinking it should've been PR or advertising. ha I did advertising and PR for a little bit in one of the survey classes and hated it. So I figured that I'd just stick with journalism and call it a day. But then I joined the media team this semester for hockey games and I literally LOVED working with cameras. The other stuff that goes along with it seems to be really interesting too. They give us all an opportunity to work with everything. I'll see how much I like it and then if it seems to go well, I think I may add it. I'll talk to my advisor about it next semester. I'm getting a new one, so once I figure who it is, then I'll set an appointment with him (or her) for next semester. In addition to getting my internship information straight. I"m starting to lean toward doing an internship in D.C. It'll just seem like its the easiest thing to do. We'll see.
But overall everything is going pretty well. Especially emotionally. (in addition to the Holy Spirit, I'm sure playing basketball is a contributor). I'm not off the wall emotionally and I feel as though it has been the most controlled since I first got into high school (weird). I definitely feel as though I'm experiencing growth in my emotions as well as the words that are coming out of my mouth. It's really awesome.
Well, that's all I have to say right now. I actually like the feel of this Blogger thing. ha we'll see if I come back =)
-Quayla
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