Me being a RA at Liberty is a position where I am constantly humbled and reminded of the goodness of my Savior and His willingness to use me despite my imperfections. I do not, by any means, deserve to be in this position whatsoever.
I've mentioned it to a few people here and there, but while there were a few reasons to contribute to my decision to come to Liberty, becoming an RA was the forefront. I had the opportunity to hear in High School about how Liberty prepared their students for leadership, especially their RAs.
Growing up, I have been told constantly that I had the ability to be a great leader. Though at the time I didn't really see it, I knew that I needed to fine tune my leadership skills because, somehow, the Lord wanted to use me in a leadership position. So as I looked at my two options: Liberty and VCU (and up until the last minute, I was strongly considering VCU), I decided that Liberty was the place that I needed to be and that was why.
Again, I will tell you that even though I am now considered a "seasoned" RA and this is a primary reason why I chose Liberty, I still do not deserve the position. I'm pretty sure there are better qualified people for this job.
While I believe that God placed me into this position to impact others for His glory, He has placed me into this position to work and develop me.
If I ever come across a time where I feel as though I do deserve it, you should just punch me in the face, I'll definitely deserve that.
Well, the purpose of this post is to share exactly how the Lord has shaped and molded me to become a better servant of Him, a better person, a better woman, a better leader, and a better follower. I would actually say that I have developed more into the person that God wants me to be in this one year, than I have in the past 21 years of my life.
Well to begin...
I learned that I couldn't do this position with my own strength
The responsibility of being an RA is much different than being one at any other school. It is unique and it is physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally draining. There is no possible way that you can do this job without spending the necessary time in the presence of the Lord. Requesting His help in every area. To be honest though, there were some times where I felt as though I had to do so much on my own to make sure everything went right on the hall. Especially when it came to relationship building. While I was able to spend a lot of time in the Fall Semester building relationships with the girls on my hall, I was not able to spend nearly as much time with them in the Spring due to an internship and taking a class where we made a short film. I've practically been running around all semester. I would get very little sleep and even though I only have two classes in class, I was not on the hall nearly as much as I was last semester. Then when I was on the hall, I would probably be doing work of some kind. It frustrated me because I felt as though there were so many opportunities that I was missing out on in my girls' lives. But for some reason, those relationships stayed, and I was able to develop better relationships with those I didn't think I would have. That is not something that I could've done by myself and I was stupid to think that I could.
I learned how to Love. I mean, really love.
The two years prior to becoming an RA, the Lord had worked so much in my life and was able to teach me about the magnitude of His love for me. I had serious self-esteem issues growing up, so the Lord managed to take those two years to overwhelm me with His love. I didn't know that my understanding of the depth of the love of God would have impacted the way that I poured out my love towards the girls on my hall. Love is more than just a feeling. Honestly, there were some girls that were on my hall (and even some that were not on my hall) that were just simply difficult to love. I feel as though I experienced in some regard what it was like to love as a parent. Some of the girls that I've had interactions with were just tough and it was like they did not want to be loved. But for some reason, regardless of the issues that I've had with them, I still cared for them and still treated them with respect. I still prayed for them. In turn, I have witnessed where my continual willingness to love each girl on my hall had brought forth fruit and they began to be on the right track.
I learned the magnitude of why it is so important to work towards your character development and having the confidence in knowing what your character is.
I don't think I can express clear enough the importance of character. As a matter of fact, in the beginning of the school year, we went through an evaluative process with our leadership team and we grasped the concept that "character makes you a leader worth following". I'm not going to say that I went through this whole year without making character mistakes. Trust me, I'm not a perfect person. But I have allowed the Lord to mold my character to being a reflection of Him.
There have been a number of issues where my character was attacked and I had to make the decision on how I was going to respond to it. One I would say had to deal with the presidential election. While I personally choose not to express my political views, I have been treated badly simply because of the color of my skin. I was not happy, especially because everyone had their assumptions of what I was going to do. There were so many times where I had the right to respond back to it. I would have had the right to explode and I had the exact words, the facts, you name it, to say that could shut any person up. I actually never said anything until I was respectfully asked about certain issues and why they were important (if they weren't for me, then for others). I made an effort to implement the importance of character to my girls. The night of the election, I spent over an hour talking to my girls and letting them know that regardless of who they voted for, that they needed to be respectful and that Christ was still on the Throne. I don't know if it helped any, but it was an area where I know if I didn't care about my character, I would have been a poor example to not only the girls on my hall, but a poor example of Christ and I definitely would have driven people away from Him.
I learned to communicate better.
It's a shame. I'm a communication studies major that doesn't communicate well. But I've always been a pretty general, abrupt person. I didn't really enjoy having long conversations with people. Then if I wanted a task done, I would communicate it in a way that I would personally want to hear the instruction. I honestly did not realize it was that bad until I came home for Fall Break last semester. I was home for maybe a few hours and my mom goes "hey, this RA thing must be doing something, you're communicating so much better!" ha (Really mom? lol) My parents and I went through so many battles simply because I wouldn't communicate with them in a way that they understood. It led to so much confusion and them thinking that I had so much more issues than what I really had or completely oblivious to the issues that I really did have. Me learning how to communicate better has actually helped not only with my interactions with people overall, but my family as well.
I learned how to gain respect correctly through intentionality and personability.
RAs were required to read Called to Lead over the summer. It pretty much went through the life of Paul and pinpointed attributes that he had that made him such the great leader that we still look towards today. While reading the book, I managed to get an understanding that in order for me to be worthy of being treated with respect, I need to make those who are under my leadership feel as though they are worthy of respect. This came from building relationships with the girls, developing a track record and them understanding what my stances were. At first, I realized that I came off as a very serious person. I honestly think that the girls were scared of me or something. I was pretty quiet (like usual). Didn't poke much fun. But then I managed to learn the importance of being personable and intentional. That was a big jump for me because
- 1. I don't like pushing myself towards people. If someone doesn't want to hang out with me or makes the effort to be my friend, I don't push it nor worry about it.
- 2. I don't like telling people about personal things in my life. I'm usually a pretty private person. Especially when it comes to my emotions, the things that I'm dealing with, etc.
Well, I put my preferences aside and jumped in. There have been so many times where I've told my roommate that I don't usually didn't tell people the stuff that I've told them, but I decided to tell them so that they can understand that I respect trust them and that they can find a way to learn how to trust me. It worked because there would be some nights where I had something exciting to tell a few of the girls and then we'll have something to laugh about. The process helped developed a relationship.
I learned how to effectively discipline.
I'm the oldest of four kids. A lot of the times, when I want my siblings to do something, or if they didn't do anything right, I would yell at them. I was very bossy and controlling. Pretty much a "it's my way or the highway" kind of approach. The thing that I was lacking was the development of relationships. I didn't spend a lot of time with my brother and sisters. I spent most of my time doing what I had to do and then expected them to do things for me when I didn't show them that I cared about them at all.
Becoming an RA allowed me to see that as a leader, discipline is more likely to be accepted when you have established the relationship with them. I took the time to develop those relationships and when it came to disciplining, I was able to and they received it well (most of the time at least haha).
I developed a respect for my parents
I don't even know where to begin. I had a very surface level respect for my parents in High School. I mean, the only reason why I didn't do a lot of crazy things was because I knew my parents would beat me up. However, I managed to sneak my way through attitudes and manipulation, you name it. I would get so mad with my parents and I couldn't wait for the day where I could move out, be on my own and not have to worry about answering to them. I just felt as though all their requests were unreasonable and pointless. Well, after being an RA for about a month, I had some "come to Jesus" meeting. I was heavily convicted and was placed in the position where I (in some regard) understood what it was like to be a parent, exactly why they enforced the things that they have, and why they disciplined me. It wasn't for their own satisfaction or pleasure. It was because they were looking out for me and foresaw the pattern that I was headed if I kept acting foolish. Once I realized this, and I went home for breaks, I have done so much apologizing. It was like, every little thing I could think of. Ha especially when I started having to pay for gas. =p
I learned to be more transparent with the Lord
I said earlier how I'm usually a very private person. Well, I was even like that when it came to my relationship with the Lord. When I would pray, I'd often address the situation and go "well, Lord, you know what's going on" and end it with that. Over the summer, the Lord convicted me about it and told me that I didn't trust Him in the way I should have been (calling, career, life path, etc.). I've written a blog post about it, but I had to become more transparent with the Lord on an emotional level. This whole year has basically been me and the Lord focused on my emotions. Trust me, they have been challenged more than ever this year too. But for some reason, the Lord has managed to be able to reveal more things to me this year about what He has planned for my life in the future. I had to give up some goals and dreams for it, but I wouldn't have been so willing to do it if it weren't for me taking the time to become transparent with Him.
I learned the importance of keeping the Sabbath
I think if there is any kind of advice that I would give someone about spiritual things at this moment, it would definitely be to keep the Sabbath. I kid you not, even though we had the most chaos in the Fall Semester than in the Spring, I was not stressed out much at all once I made the decision (after being encouraged by Ana), to keep the Sabbath. It fell off during the Spring semester due to my weekends being filled with either work or filming. It was one of those things where I had suffered so much from not keeping it. Especially after being informed about keeping it. It is something that everyone needs to do. I have seen and experienced in my own life where the Lord honors it being kept.
Well, to close, I have to say that the Lord has done so much chiseling in my life. Not just on the spiritual level. I could still go on (I've clearly ranted enough). He had used my leaders to pour into my life and has personally poured into my life and taught me so much. But among all these things, I am truly blessed that He had placed some awesome girls in my life! They were not only my "students", but managed to become my friends. I don't know what I would have done this year or where I would have been without them. I probabl y would not have been able to write this blog. I know that it is the responsibility of the RA to impact the lives of the girls on their halls, but I feel at this moment that they have impacted mine even more. I love these girls dearly and I am truly excited about hearing how the Lord is working in their lives over the Summer! =)
-Quayla
