The Cons of Excessive Planning

It's kind of crazy at how much of a planner that I am.  I am a firm believer in balance.  So I do think that everything is good in some form of balance, at the right time, and the right place.  At the same time, I think that everything can become bad when it becomes excessive. Some things more than others.  So when it comes to my level of planning.  I think it has gotten into a state of obsession. Something that I'm learning to control and balance out.

So here's my "latest" planning problem:

I'm going to be a junior next year. Meaning, I have a year and a half to study and prepare for what to do after graduating.  Options: 1-> work.  2 -> Go to grad school.

I think I'm going to most likely go through option 2.  It's not necessarily a bad option at all. However, I am in charge of basically getting myself there.  I will have to pay for it, everything.  The thing is, I don't really know where I should go.  The options that I have rally are VCU and Liberty. It will be so much cheaper for me to go to either one.  I really don't think it would come to be any more than $5k per year. So that would be $10k all together.  Which is doable.  I have a pretty good savings plan for the next two years. I would believe that after graduating, I would have about $6k saved.  But that doesn't really include other possible work that I will get money for here and there.  The thing that I'm thinking about is that it may just be better for my pockets.. if I did grad school at VCU.  Got a small apartment and (possibly some roommates to keep the costs down).  In a pretty nice area outside of the campus.  There I could get a loan to pay specifically for school and then have the money saved to get a jump start on living expenses and possibly getting a partime job.

Job options seem to be pretty doable. I could be a graduate assistant at VCU considering my grades and resume look good (which will be pretty nice after I will have completed two internships and the work that I have with my dad this summer).


Then of course there's the GRE/GMAT. I looked through the GMAT and I couldn't even get through the math section.  It's going to take a lot of time and preparation. I haven't looked through the GRE yet. Though, I do think that I should do it soon.


Going to Liberty is a good option.  I don't have to take any exams either.

So the fact of the matter is, I'm sitting at this computer for HOURS researching something that I really don't have to "worry" about for another year. I know it's good to be prepared, but I do think that this is a little out of control.

I don't exactly live by my planner, I just somehow have it written down somewhere on a peace of paper or in my head.  I'm constantly thinking "this needs to be done, this needs to be done". Then if something doesn't go as planned, I just feel as though I'm going to have a nervous breakdown or something.  One day, I want to just go a week without planning a thing.  Just up and do something whenever I need to.  But then I'm sure when I decide to do that, it would be the wrong time to do it.

Well, I will get it under control.  Haha I guess I just can't help it sometimes.

-Quayla

Called to Lead

I am two books behind on my blog list (ha I'll get to that hopefully within the next few days).  But for some reason I had the urge to post about this book that I'm currently reading, Called to Lead.  I usually wouldn't write a post about it until I completed it.  Truth is, I'm not even halfway finished the book.  But I really would like to share a few things here and there that I have learned thus far.  I think that this book just may require several posts from me.

The crazy thing about this book is that before I even really paid attention to the title, I decided that I would take more time this Summer studying Paul's Epistles.  I was in the starting process of reading through Acts in my quiet times while reading through the other books that I had on my reading list in my leisure times. My original plan, I believe, was to read Called to Lead last  (The words were just so small on one page lol).  So far, I read the entire Hunger Games Trilogy, and The Way of the Shepherd. I was started to read "Not a Fan". However, some things changed around and I decided to crack Called to Lead open.  When I picked up the book, I realized that the subtitle was "26 Leadership Lessons from the Life of the Apostle Paul".  I was definitely excited because it went with exactly what I was led to do this Summer in my quiet times: Study different leaders in the Bible, taking note of the things that they did right and wrong, and then applying them to my leadership style so that I can grow as a leader.  I firmly believe, especially through reading this book, that Paul is probably one of the most important leaders to study. This book has definitely given me the guide that I needed.  

So far, God has definitely revealed to me that things that I am strong in as a leader, as well as the areas of my life where I am weak.  I think its funny that God has actually started working on those specific things with me before I even got the book.  Take empathy for example.  I struggled with that most of my life. I used to feel as though empathy was a weakness lol. This year, God has definitely helped me become empathetic, but with a balance.  Knowing when it's needed, and when it's not.  

God has also revealed to me that there are going to be areas in my leadership style that other people are not going to like. I've learned that my particular leadership style includes my association with people that don't necessarily have the same relationship with God that I do. Especially a few of my friends. They're struggling with sin and somehow are pulling away from God.  I learned that loyalty is a quality that I need to have.  I need to make sure that I have those friends that are there to continue to build me up (iron sharpens iron).  But then, I still need to maintain the friendships with those people that simply, aren't there.  Ha I believe this has been something that my parents don't really like that much.  I mean, I've kind of been that person to just hang out with anyone, and it just so happened that a lot of the crazy ones enjoyed spending time with me.  Basically because I am transparent, but at the same time, I tell them like it is.  I've never actually argued my reasoning with my parents.  The opportunity to discuss it with them never came up either.  I don't necessarily believe that is is right to argue things that God is telling you to do.  You can discuss the differences, but arguing is a completely different matter.  I may never actually share that with my parents.   But it is interesting at how there may just be differences of opinions. 

Then I think God has also revealed to me that although I'm a leader, I need to respect the leadership of others, even if I don't agree with it.  I don't necessarily have that problem too much until I feel as though my parents are establishing something ridiculous.  I automatically place myself in the criteria that because I'm "20" that I don't exactly need to follow the instructions of my parents.  I get frustrated because when I'm at school, I can simply take a 3 hour trip somewhere anytime I want.  Then when I'm home with my parents, I have to ask a few days in advance just to drive out 20 minutes. I often decide not to go anywhere because I would rather not have to ask for permission.  I'm the "experimental" child, so my parents have not necessarily had an adult child before, so they have no idea of where to "let go".  But despite my frustrations of it all, I have to still respect what they want while I'm home. 

I think this may be a little choppy here and there.  But I really wanted to share what I've been learning so far.  I'm looking forward to continuing on with this book.  God is definitely shaping me up to being a great leader.

-Quayla

Book Two Completion: The Way of the Shepherd

I finished my second book about a week ago.  I'm not entirely sure why it took me as long as it did, the book was only 113 pages.  But it was actually a really good book for me.  I've learned a lot about the connection that I good leader has to a good shepherd.  The Way of the Shepherd gave seven secrets to managing productive people.

1. Know the Condition of Your Flock

2. Discover the Shape of Your Sheep

3. Help Your Sheep Identify With You

4. Make Your Pasture a Safe Place

5.  The Staff of Direction

6. The Rod of Correcttion

7. The Heart of a Shepherd

All of these were really vital things to take heed of when it comes to leading people.  In a work environment, or church environment, etc.  Even in a school environment.  Ha this was really important to me especially when it comes to having a leadership team.

Well, that's a brief summary.

I'm reading Called to Lead and Catching Fire now (I added two more books to my list haha).  We'll see where it goes.

Acts.... Differences in our worship styles.. ha the list goes on

Being home this Summer, I have had the opportunity to really reflect on so many things.  I've come to God with SO many questions and it's interesting how He has been answering them.  In my quiet times so far this Summer,  I've been led to go through fundamentals in addition to studying several leaders over the course of the Old and New Testaments.  Over the past week and a half, I have been reading through Acts.  It's been pretty interesting because I'm always reminded that you can never really grasp everything the Bible has to offer by reading it one time. Every time you read, there is something new that is gained.  Which makes the Word of God So much more amazing.  It is no question a living document.  I felt as though it was time that I went back to being reminded of the fundamentals.  It's something that I feel as though everyone should do every so often.  Because we frequently get to the point where we take someone else's word as fact and run with it.  Where people come up with their own "revelations" and think that it's the way that things should be done.  I'm the type of person where someone needs to prove to me that something is right.  I'm definitely an analytical, practical person.  So, if you cannot prove something in the word of God.  I'm not going to believe it. Or, I may just channel it in a space in my brain so that I can come to it later on.  If it's pressing enough in my mind, I have to study it.  I go back and figure out if what someone believes is true.  If it is, then I take note of that.  If it isn't, I sit there and try to figure out what it is that triggered them to believe that it's true.  There is always something.  Either taking things out of context, or they just were taught to believe something.

I feel as though my approach to all of this may come off to people differently.  I don't speak much about what I know, my perceptions of life, nor what I question to just anyone. I even feel that as I'm growing, my approach and perceptions to things are so much different than my family's.  I think growing up, I spent so much time taking what my parent's believed as fact, that I didn't take the time to develop a relationship with Christ.  I had so much book knowledge about the Bible.  I was even able to tell someone how to 'apply' the knowledge.  But I think when I left home, I was able to come across so many people who each believed something different. Things that I never even came across or wasn't necessarily taught to deal with.  These past two years have definitely been a rediscovery for me.  It has been a place of growth and a place where I have learned to appreciate the Grace of God in a whole new light.  

Speaking of Grace.  Wow.  I just appreciate it so much more.  Over the course of the past year, I have specifically been targeted to emphasizing with others.  Although I can always grow in that area, I look back and see how far I've come.  Last year, I couldn't tell you the amount of times that I have prayed for multiple people every single day. I've actually begun to feel pain that other people have gone through. Ha it's crazy.   I think that I've begun to emphasize in the condemnation of others. Ha I've begun to realize how people feel when people treat them a certain way because of a 'sin' that they have done, or are doing.  It helps me especially in how I look at others.  I'm not justifying their sin.  I really do believe that a person has to give of themselves and come to Christ.  However, I've begun to understand why there are some people that struggle with coming to Him. I've been guilty of it myself, but there are people that represent Christ as though we have to be perfect in order to come to Him.  If we were perfect without Christ, why would we need Christ? The Grace of God is designed so that through Him, we can be made whole, be made perfect.  But on our own, we cannot be perfect, whatsoever. 

I've come to learn that I need to be convicted of every sin that I do.  I have no right to say that someone is going to Hell because they struggle with this sin or that sin.  I can't say that someone is a heathen because they decide to not do one thing or another.  I cannot look or stare at an unwed woman who comes to church pregnant and say that she's a sinner or simply call her a 'ho' and that it was bound to happen. It's crazy how our world has become.  We put attention on the sin that appears to be unpleasant at the time, when we ourselves struggle with the very sin that is the root of it all. Pride. Every sin starts from a Pride issue.  I've noticed that I, myself, have once dealt with sin that I was so adamant about not committing.  I was so into the fact that I would "never do something like that".  Then I did it.  Then I dealt with the consequences.  But I did learn. Growing into the things of God as well as an adult,  I don't want to be one of those people that says, "what is wrong with our youth?" because they may view things differently or may simply just not care about the things of God.  Sometimes people say it because of a difference in worship style. I'm not going to say that I'm "never going to fall into that".  Because that becomes prideful.  I have to sit there and admit that it is possible for me to give into my pride. But it will only be by the grace of God that I won't fall into that pride issue.  I think that when it comes to the difference of beliefs, there are so many things that bring division among us Christians.

I'm going a little bit off topic for a minute, but I really think that there is a reason behind why I need to be a Psychology minor. Specifically for something like this.  Maybe I am supposed to be in ministry (???) haha.  But when it comes to empathy in combination of all the communication classes that I'm taking, I've come to learn that God has led for people to the study of psychology as a way we can use it to minister to people.  Everything that is studied through psychology is somehow backed up through scripture. But through psychology, we are able to learn exactly how we can apply it.  I've become to think that way and I'm excited about taking these psychology classes.  

Ha but I think that through psychology, there is somehow a way that it can be used to impact people for Christ.  I've learned a lot over the past few years in leadership classes that intentionality goes a long way. If you take the time to know about someone, going to their events, encouraging them, etc. They are more likely to come and care about what you say.  People don't care about what you know until they know how much you care. That is why I believe mentoring is such a vital component to the kingdom of God.   If someone believes something that is blatantly wrong, they're not going to care about what you know to be right, if you just shove it into their faces.  Figuring out what they believe and why they believe it can in turn open up the door for them to receive the truth.

Crazy how I was meaning to talk about fundamentals and I went through all of this. Well, I will tie all of this in to mention my reading through Acts last night. In Chapter 10.  God comes to Peter through a vision. I will condense it a little. There are animals, reptiles, and birds, etc. in the area. Peter was instructed to kill these animals and eat them.  Peter's response was, "Surely not, Lord!  I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."  In biblical times, eating red meat was considered unclean and the Jews were not allowed to eat it.  God's response to Peter was "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean."  This may start to get just a tad bit confusing as I'm tying everything in.  Hopefully it won't.  But Chapter 10 goes on with Peter going to Cornelius's House.  During the time, Jews and Gentiles were not allowed to associated with each other.  It was a "law" that could not be violated.  You will begin to notice that Peter experienced some form of conviction through God telling him this.  But he learns from it and begins to share how God doesn't show favoritism but accepts those who fear Him and do what is right. I think that this chapter is really important for the body of Christ.

I think while being at Liberty, I have had the opportunity to learn the differences in belief systems.  There were a lot that I grew up believing that were wrong.  Then there were things that I grew up believing that were right, that others believe to be wrong or crazy. I think praying in tongues is a major one.  I've had the opportunity to study it some more and gained some insight about it through experience from growing up around and spending time in a place where people didn't understand anything about it. I grew up thinking that if a church doesn't speak in tongues, then it is a "dead" church. Or that someone cannot fully experience the greatness of God if they don't pray in tongues.  Or that praying in tongues was praying God's perfect prayer.  I'm not going to go into the details of how tongues should be used.  Because there is a correct and incorrect way of doing it.  Which sometimes people do not realize.   Then on the other hand, I've heard that people think it's a sin to pray in tongues, that it is no longer the time to pray in tongues, or something that you can't pray in tongues ever unless you have an interpreter, or that only certain people can pray in tongues.  Things like that. 

They are both two complete extremes.  While being at Liberty there have been so many worship and prayer differences that I was blown away by.  The first thing I've learned were the silent prayers.  Haha I remember going to an All Night of Prayer for the first time.  I went and didn't hear anybody and I thought to myself "um, is anyone praying?" I grew up thinking that we HAD to pray out loud in order for the presence of God to reveal itself. Ha I think the reason why I knew that people were actually praying was because I sensed the presence of God. I've been in worship services where no one prays in tongues and I have felt the power of God just as much as going to a church service with people that don't necessarily pray in tongues. That was something that I questioned God a lot about after coming home. After reading Acts 10 last night, I had a portion of my question answered.  I've come to learn that God doesn't discriminate the power of the Holy Spirit based on a praying style. His power is open to anyone who believes in Him and does what is right.

Now of course there are so many factors into all of this.. It's so much to really talk about it just a blog post.  I'm really just feeding thoughts and reflections here and there. But I really want to grasp a deeper understanding in the Grace and Mercy of God.  I think if we all really understood the depth of it, our relationship with others would be so much better.  Our relationship with Christ would be so much deeper.

All I can say is that I am really thankful for His Grace and Mercy.

-Quayla