There is a time in your life when you really figure out who you are when you're faced with a questionable situation. The decisions that you make reflect who you are becoming.
Of course this is something that you kind of "know" but don't really know. If that makes any sense. I've experienced something that I've never had before out of the 19 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say that being in an interracial relationship with someone was out of the will of God. Then I was confirmed that she, along with her parents believed that. For someone to have the audacity to say that to someone of a different ethnicity is not only offensive, it hurts. I was very angry and upset. At first, I didn't even want to look at her. I really had to get my entire self together in order to be able to look at and say something to her. No one has ever made a racial slur to me in that way before. Of course I have had someone ask questions out of curiosity regarding my race, but never have someone boldly saying something related to what I can and cannot do because of the color of my skin.
An automatic reaction for this is definitely to react physically. I'm not a fighter, but at that moment, I really wanted to. This is when I'm glad that I have the parents that I do, because somehow, my mom texted me at the right time last night asking how I was doing. I mentioned what happened and then she mentioned it to my dad. I talked to both of them about it and it helped. My dad instructed me to talked to my RAs about the whole situation, and I did. It was definitely a big help. I never have been surrounded... or actually was comfortable enough to seek counsel from someone that is as wise as my parents and my RAs. It makes me happy to know that I have grown in the area of being able to seek and ask someone for help when I need it.
Wow.. now that I'm thinking about it. To know that the pride that I had in my life is leaving me.... I never used to do something like that. I've never been comfortable enough to express how I felt about things because I was "afraid" of what they might think of me or what they may say to me... I've never wanted to ask someone for help because I thought that I could figure it all out on my own. In all actuality, it was pride.
I really enjoy the fact that I do have people, especially the leaders that have been set forth before me, that I can talk to about things like this. I enjoy the fact that I know that they're going to tell me what the Lord says about things that I'm dealing with. It's definitely the kind of leader that I want to eventually become.
I'm not happy that it has taken a situation like this for me to realize the areas in which I have grown and the areas that I do need to grow in. However, it is good to know that I have grown.
It's a process of something that I do have to continue to work on. I have to forgive in this situation and move on to the bigger and better things that God has for me in my life.
-Quayla
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