So I have returned to Blogspot....
I'm 5 classes... 1 presentation... 1 quiz... and 1 article away from my fall break. This one definitely came quickly yet I am ready for it even though my semester hasn't been stressful at all. I really haven't had a lot of work outside of class to do. Basically just writing. Then I've only have two exams so far. I only really have two classes that I have exams for period. (It may just be one depending on how well I do on my Creation Studies exam on Monday). But to think that it's already the middle of the semester blows me away. I am kind of ready for it to be the Spring though. I think I'll be able to feel more patient if they'll just post the Spring semester schedule. They're procrastinating just a bit too much with it. Registration starts Oct. 28. It's Oct. 4. They should probably get on that.
I have noticed that I have grown so much in these past two months. It's really interesting for one how the people that you're around affects how you act. How you perceive things. It is also another thing with how the way you've been taught by your parents affects the way you behave when you're away from them. This semester has definitely been a semester of change. Last year God has pinpointed one thing. This year, He's pinpointing another. The things that He does in my life to make me closer to Him overwhelms me.
Over the summer, God has really laid on my heart to study about the attributes that a woman of God should have. I've really been hooked on Esther originally. Mainly because I wanted to use it for a prayer group topic. I wasn't expecting as much impact on my life as it has. I actually began to pray and ask God to give me a heart to receive. To guard the things that come out of my mouth. The things that runs through my mind. The things that run through my heart. I also asked that He helped me with my relationships with others. He brought me to a 21-day devotional geared on specific women in the Bible. The devotional took me through women who have displayed righteousness and women who haven't (like Jezebel and Delilah). I've read about these women before, but reading through them again opened up my eyes to see what attributes I should have. Certain things in my personal preferences that need to change have been hit hard by just reading them. The attributes not only help bring me closer to God, but it creates a better character that I should have as a friend. It creates the character that I should have one day as a wife and mother.
I never really been the type of person that talked about things like this in full detail. But I somehow feel as though at this moment that God is definitely moving in my life so that I can be prepared to be a godly wife and mother. Yes, I want to have a husband and children one day, but I know that I cannot live the way I used to and expect that to happen. The things that God has worked in my life to change are essential to having a successful marriage and united family.
I really think that's the reason why I've been single so long. I dated one person in high school and have been single since. My parents established that I couldn't date until I was 18. But at 18, I never been faced with the opportunity to enter into a relationship with someone. "Feelings" that I've had for people never reciprocated and vice versa. It honestly became frustrating when so many people got into relationships. Especially when I was at the age when I was "allowed" to date. I honestly wasn't trying to rush things, but I kind of hoped during my freshman year that something would've opened up. lol. Totally didn't. I mean, I wasn't desperate to date someone. But I did have a love-hate relationship with being single.
I didn't realize until recently that the season in my life that I have been single was for a reason. First and foremost, I didn't know what God's plan was for my life fully. I knew that God of course wanted me to minister the Gospel (He requires that of all of us). I just didn't know the details of the whats, wheres, hows, etc. I've constantly battled with my life's purpose. I knew what I wanted to do... Just didn't know what God wants me to do. On the real, I still don't know every single detail. I'm getting closer though. I do know now that God has something for me to do with Communications and Photography. I'm taking more time seeking Him about certain things. But this time, I'm REALLY seeking Him. Other than just going through a "I don't know phase" and guessing.
What I'm trying to say with all of this is that God joins two people together to make them closer to Him. The plans and purposes that God has for them intertwines. I cannot date anyone without knowing what God wants me to do for Him. The reason being is because that is one of the criteria that you have to consider when having a "prospective" mate. You can't marry someone who has a calling for being a missionary when your calling is to be a businessman (or woman) in America. It just doesn't work that way. Someone would have to try "altering" their purpose to fit so they can be in a relationship with someone else. That takes you out of the will of God. Point Blank.
Another reason was that I used to keep my friendships to a limit. I mean, you have to be selective with who you consider to be your friends, but I used to have this thing of just keeping them at a certain distance so that I wouldn't be hurt or annoyed, etc. My relationships with other people just wasn't the way that it should've been. I kept to myself a lot. Didn't talk much at all to people that I didn't like. I especially didn't talk to people that appeared to not make any effort in communicating with me. I think this semester definitely changed that 180. I got to the point where I would call someone I knew out if I passed by them just to say "hey". I NEVER used to do that! I think what allowed that to happen was because I started to pray more for others than I ever have before in my entire life. I didn't realize how selfish I was. I never was the person that was selfish with material things. I was selfish emotionally. I was so into protecting MY emotions so that I wouldn't get hurt. So that I could be comfortable emotionally. Praying for others really takes you out of your selfishness. I feel as though being at Liberty as a Prayer Leader is impacting my life just as much as it is impacting the girls that are in my group.
I was also not hospitable at ALL! That is something that God has pinpointed to me the other day. If I want to continue to grow in my relationship with Him, I have to be hospitable to others. I always hated people to come to my house.. in my room.. going through my stuff.. etc. It's pretty self explanatory. I honestly felt as though I was right for not being hospitable. That is something that is still a work in progress.
There are a few others... but these were the ones that I wanted to share the most.
Even though I'm not exactly close to getting married at the moment, I
still need to prepare. It's never too early to start preparing for
things like this. Even when I'm not dating anyone. I need to have God number 1 in my life. I need to get rid of those things that is hindering my relationship with Him from growing.
I cannot tell you when and where all of this is supposed to happen. I can't even tell you if there is even someone that I know at this present day and time that would be suitable for me. The only thing I know is when those details are in order, I'll be ready. It's interesting to say and admit to myself and not to say it just to be saying it in agreement with someone else: that I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now. I'm getting closer, I may be ready sooner than I think. I just need to constantly prepare. I'll be ready when the time comes.
-Quayla
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