This is a weird thing to say right about now.
I've been sitting at my computer literally all day for the past two days. I haven't had time to really relax since I've been home. As soon as I got in, I did a portrait session for a family, edited those pictures, a portion of a model casting and the last bit of the second wedding that I had shot in September. Once I got all of those completed, I had helped my parents with some work literally most of the other days. So it took me until yesterday (Wednesday) to finally have the opportunity to just sit and gather myself.
I tend to say this pretty often when I make an excuse for my need to relax, but I am very much introverted. I enjoy the company of people in moderation, I prefer close friends and family so that I can have genuine conversations, but after a long day, weeks, and semester of being surrounded by people all day every day, I really just need to find that time to relax and get myself together. I really enjoy spending time by myself too.
Usually, it would take me about a week to gather myself. But this time, it only took me a day and a half. After being so busy this semester, sitting around for 2 days doing nothing is pulling my hair out. I'm literally telling myself how I HAVE to do something. How I HAVE to find something to do because I just CANNOT sit here any longer doing the same thing over and over.
However, I find myself wanting to do something that doesn't involve technology. All semester, I have literally done all of my homework with my computer. My major requires me to use my computer so it is literally on nonstop. The only time it is off is when I'm sleeping. For probably the 6 hours of the night, IF that. My phone is always near me. When I'm at school, people are constantly texting or calling me. I am constantly responding to e-mails. It's neverending. So sitting here for the past two days playing video games, or watching a movie, yes is refreshing, but I want to do something away from technology for a change because I am so submersed in it as a broadcasting and public relations major.
So, my solution to this is to actually go outside. I'm going to do a few projects this break. Session with my sister and hopefully my brother, maybe working on a music video so I have something to edit. I'm supposed to be working but that's becoming a bit complicated at the moment, so I just need to use the resources that I have. Then I will definitely be reading this break.
I really am tired of the technological aspects of life. I think I really want to try the 24 hour challenge of not using technology for a day. I think it'll be very refreshing for a change.
Well, this is just some random thought that I had. Nothing super profound.
-Quayla
Friday, December 20, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The Continuation of Doubt
I'm not really sure why I come to those moments where I continue to doubt myself. Doubt the progress that I've made. I often try to convince myself that what I've accomplished in the past few years just simply isn't enough. I focus on what I don't have instead of what I actually do have. I focus on what I want, instead of what I need. Overall, there are just those moments when I see things that aren't necessarily reality.
So, why am I writing this exactly? Why am I sharing this part of my life in writing?
I just wanted to express my thoughts.
What I've been battling with back and forth for the past few weeks is figuring out if I have enough skill to actually get a job after graduation. I've asked myself, "Do I have what it takes?" "Is my resume good enough?" "Where am I going to go?" "Will I be looking for a job for a really long time?" It's just crazy because when I start to doubt myself, the Lord sometimes always brings me back to see the real picture. He allows me to see things for what they really are instead of allowing myself to pull back because of fear. I spent quite a bit of time a few days ago looking at jobs, sending my resume to a few places. The crazy thing about it all is the fact that I actually got a call back from three of the places that I applied. My resume applied to be considered for an interview. When I had talked to them about it, one of them was still wanting me to come in for an interview for a Winter position and the other two will be keeping my resume on file for when it gets closer to graduation. I mean, it's probably not a BIG thing, but the fact that I am being considered for a position in my degree field with my resume, that isn't even complete, encouraged me a bit. It is just exciting to me of all the possibilities that could happen when graduation gets closer.
I'm still planning to do grad school and hope to find something in Lynchburg for the duration of those two years, but the plus about Liberty is that with it being online, I could work anywhere. So during the break, I will 1. be working on my grad school application as well as my GSA application. The deadline for it is May 1. So I'm going to probably give myself until around Mid-April to find a job. If I don't find anything, then I will apply for GSA. That will be my last resort, because I would like to earn more money in comparison to what the GSA position has to offer. So that is all up in the air.
But even though I tend to panic because I don't think that I have enough to offer, God definitely reminds me of the gifts that He has given me. He has also reminded me that I can't do anything without His guidance. So it has been pretty cool to see how everything is coming about.
Well, this was a pretty short post. It was just something that I wanted to briefly touch on.
-Quayla
So, why am I writing this exactly? Why am I sharing this part of my life in writing?
I just wanted to express my thoughts.
What I've been battling with back and forth for the past few weeks is figuring out if I have enough skill to actually get a job after graduation. I've asked myself, "Do I have what it takes?" "Is my resume good enough?" "Where am I going to go?" "Will I be looking for a job for a really long time?" It's just crazy because when I start to doubt myself, the Lord sometimes always brings me back to see the real picture. He allows me to see things for what they really are instead of allowing myself to pull back because of fear. I spent quite a bit of time a few days ago looking at jobs, sending my resume to a few places. The crazy thing about it all is the fact that I actually got a call back from three of the places that I applied. My resume applied to be considered for an interview. When I had talked to them about it, one of them was still wanting me to come in for an interview for a Winter position and the other two will be keeping my resume on file for when it gets closer to graduation. I mean, it's probably not a BIG thing, but the fact that I am being considered for a position in my degree field with my resume, that isn't even complete, encouraged me a bit. It is just exciting to me of all the possibilities that could happen when graduation gets closer.
I'm still planning to do grad school and hope to find something in Lynchburg for the duration of those two years, but the plus about Liberty is that with it being online, I could work anywhere. So during the break, I will 1. be working on my grad school application as well as my GSA application. The deadline for it is May 1. So I'm going to probably give myself until around Mid-April to find a job. If I don't find anything, then I will apply for GSA. That will be my last resort, because I would like to earn more money in comparison to what the GSA position has to offer. So that is all up in the air.
But even though I tend to panic because I don't think that I have enough to offer, God definitely reminds me of the gifts that He has given me. He has also reminded me that I can't do anything without His guidance. So it has been pretty cool to see how everything is coming about.
Well, this was a pretty short post. It was just something that I wanted to briefly touch on.
-Quayla
Sunday, October 27, 2013
My life lately
I've never really been one of those people that would post a completely heartfelt, emotional, transparent blog post. To be honest, even though my plans for this post is to be just that, I really don't even know or think I would go into something that deep.
I'm usually a person that is pretty level headed emotionally. Even when I have some issues that I have to deal with, I've always been able to kind of leave it as that and go about my day to day routines without having them affecting me. However, as things have gotten to reaching deadlines and have a large amount of things pulling at me, I just had to work so much harder to tackle them and continue to do what I needed to do. To make the decisions that I needed to make with accuracy and clarity. Things have gotten overwhelming and stressful and I literally had no idea how I was going to continue on with things. Everything was just crazy.
To be honest though, there were those days that because of my stress levels, I began to devalue and degrade myself with my words.
The interesting thing is that a majority of the things that I began to think about and tell myself really had absolutely nothing to do with me being stressed or overwhelmed with my work. It was just an area of my life where I allowed the devil to talk to me and tell me things that weren't even true. To be honest, those things are stupid for me to even think.
It's interesting because being at Liberty, I am so submersed in a place where getting a college degree came with an engagement ring and/or a husband (I've wondered a few times if I would be that 30 year old woman with a nice job but was single). I am in a place where so many people already know exactly what God has called them to do before they stepped foot into the first class of their college career. I am in a place where people have lived lives prior full of their submission to a lifestyle and ultimately turned out to be okay and currently on fire for the Lord.
These are things that I have had to deal with throughout my time here. And at the moment, I am none of those people. I've never dated anyone while I was in college. As a matter of fact, I've never been on a date period. I was in an exclusive relationship once in high school, but it never really went past the whole aspect of "talking frequently" and just "claiming" that particular person as my boyfriend. So basically for most of my life, I've been single.
I've never really had much of a past. Yeah there were some things that I have done that I would definitely go back and change. However, I don't have that past or that "testimony" that everyone seems to have. I wasn't a partier, or drinker, or sex addict. I wasn't abused or molested. I wasn't neglected as a child. I had parents that loved and cared about me. Who had sacrificed so much for me. I've wondered what it would have been like if I actually decided to "have fun" like the rest of my peers did in college. Instead of being a studious person as well as going to a Christian school.
I've never known what God wanted me to do when I stepped in my first class on the first day of college. The only thing I knew was what He didn't want me to do (AWESOME! =\). I had no clear path set. It was frustrating.
Although some of these things were frustrating to me, well all of them were frustrating to me at some point or another, I was never truly affected by it when I got to college. I had made the decision to not date in college. When I got to my sophomore year, I already determined that I really was not going to be with anyone worthwhile there. Yes, while I didn't understand why I made that decision at first (and to be honest I know that God had done things in my life encounters to ensure that I wouldn't compromise in that decision), I came to the realization that my senior year was the very reason why I was single. While it is a really long story for me to share, I do firmly believe that God specifically made me single for the very season that I am in right now. Which heavily explains why I have experienced so much more opposition and attacks from the enemy in the places in my life where I appeared to be more vulnerable.
I knew that God was teaching me how to be patient and trust Him throughout my journey. While I really wanted to have a clear path, God had never left me in the dark confused and unsure about the directions that I needed to take. He has always proven Himself faithful and had revealed to me what I needed to do at the appointed times. It is crazy because as I'm sitting here taking the next course of action in my life, I feel as though God had clearly told me exactly what I needed to do in a further span of time than what He has told me throughout my entire time at Liberty. I have a plan for next semester, a plan for the next two years. Then a plan beyond that. The crazy thing about it all, is that for the first time, it was something that I fully believe that the Lord had revealed to me to do. While I don't know exactly every single solitary detail of each even and how I'm going to get there, I somehow know that this season that I will be entering in my life would be very fruitful. And I don't know if I will ever be able to fully comprehend the magnitude of it all.
Even though I don't think it is some days, I know that God had preserved my life for a time as this. Even though I haven't experienced things in the way that other people that I know have, for some reason, He was able to still use me to minister to others that have gone through things I haven't. He has somehow allowed me vulnerability with others and my openness to hear and develop relationships with them to be good enough. I know it's not me. At all. The craziest thing about it is how in my quiet times today, I came across Galatians 6:9-10
To be honest, I'm sure that I have come across this verse dozens of times and never had it really impacted me in the way that it has tonight. It is hard some days to not give into temptation. Especially at the age that I am. Where the people that I have grown up with are doing things that don't line up with the way that we've been taught. Where people give into their temptations and do things as though it doesn't affect other people. My generation is a generation that only thinks about the present instead of the future. Even though I do feel alone most days, I know that I will reap a harvest and be rewarded for not giving into the temptations that fly in my path.
I know this was super long, and I feel as though I should maybe stop here. I'm really excited about what the Lord has for me within the next few years and even within the next few months. I know it's great and I can't wait (well, I can ha)!
-Quayla
I'm usually a person that is pretty level headed emotionally. Even when I have some issues that I have to deal with, I've always been able to kind of leave it as that and go about my day to day routines without having them affecting me. However, as things have gotten to reaching deadlines and have a large amount of things pulling at me, I just had to work so much harder to tackle them and continue to do what I needed to do. To make the decisions that I needed to make with accuracy and clarity. Things have gotten overwhelming and stressful and I literally had no idea how I was going to continue on with things. Everything was just crazy.
To be honest though, there were those days that because of my stress levels, I began to devalue and degrade myself with my words.
- I'm a horrible person
- I'm ugly
- I'm a failure
- I have NO idea what in the world I'm going to do with my life. How could I be 21 years old and not know?
- I'm going to be graduating in a matter of months and I have no idea what to do next
- I should quit school
- I'm single with no prospects; no one would even want me. Why would someone be stupid enough to even want a relationship with me?
- I'm going to die alone
- What is wrong with me?
- Why couldn't I just have decided to be that person that made all kind of stupid mistakes?
- Can I just do anything wrong, once in my life and be okay?
The interesting thing is that a majority of the things that I began to think about and tell myself really had absolutely nothing to do with me being stressed or overwhelmed with my work. It was just an area of my life where I allowed the devil to talk to me and tell me things that weren't even true. To be honest, those things are stupid for me to even think.
It's interesting because being at Liberty, I am so submersed in a place where getting a college degree came with an engagement ring and/or a husband (I've wondered a few times if I would be that 30 year old woman with a nice job but was single). I am in a place where so many people already know exactly what God has called them to do before they stepped foot into the first class of their college career. I am in a place where people have lived lives prior full of their submission to a lifestyle and ultimately turned out to be okay and currently on fire for the Lord.
These are things that I have had to deal with throughout my time here. And at the moment, I am none of those people. I've never dated anyone while I was in college. As a matter of fact, I've never been on a date period. I was in an exclusive relationship once in high school, but it never really went past the whole aspect of "talking frequently" and just "claiming" that particular person as my boyfriend. So basically for most of my life, I've been single.
I've never really had much of a past. Yeah there were some things that I have done that I would definitely go back and change. However, I don't have that past or that "testimony" that everyone seems to have. I wasn't a partier, or drinker, or sex addict. I wasn't abused or molested. I wasn't neglected as a child. I had parents that loved and cared about me. Who had sacrificed so much for me. I've wondered what it would have been like if I actually decided to "have fun" like the rest of my peers did in college. Instead of being a studious person as well as going to a Christian school.
I've never known what God wanted me to do when I stepped in my first class on the first day of college. The only thing I knew was what He didn't want me to do (AWESOME! =\). I had no clear path set. It was frustrating.
Although some of these things were frustrating to me, well all of them were frustrating to me at some point or another, I was never truly affected by it when I got to college. I had made the decision to not date in college. When I got to my sophomore year, I already determined that I really was not going to be with anyone worthwhile there. Yes, while I didn't understand why I made that decision at first (and to be honest I know that God had done things in my life encounters to ensure that I wouldn't compromise in that decision), I came to the realization that my senior year was the very reason why I was single. While it is a really long story for me to share, I do firmly believe that God specifically made me single for the very season that I am in right now. Which heavily explains why I have experienced so much more opposition and attacks from the enemy in the places in my life where I appeared to be more vulnerable.
I knew that God was teaching me how to be patient and trust Him throughout my journey. While I really wanted to have a clear path, God had never left me in the dark confused and unsure about the directions that I needed to take. He has always proven Himself faithful and had revealed to me what I needed to do at the appointed times. It is crazy because as I'm sitting here taking the next course of action in my life, I feel as though God had clearly told me exactly what I needed to do in a further span of time than what He has told me throughout my entire time at Liberty. I have a plan for next semester, a plan for the next two years. Then a plan beyond that. The crazy thing about it all, is that for the first time, it was something that I fully believe that the Lord had revealed to me to do. While I don't know exactly every single solitary detail of each even and how I'm going to get there, I somehow know that this season that I will be entering in my life would be very fruitful. And I don't know if I will ever be able to fully comprehend the magnitude of it all.
Even though I don't think it is some days, I know that God had preserved my life for a time as this. Even though I haven't experienced things in the way that other people that I know have, for some reason, He was able to still use me to minister to others that have gone through things I haven't. He has somehow allowed me vulnerability with others and my openness to hear and develop relationships with them to be good enough. I know it's not me. At all. The craziest thing about it is how in my quiet times today, I came across Galatians 6:9-10
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
To be honest, I'm sure that I have come across this verse dozens of times and never had it really impacted me in the way that it has tonight. It is hard some days to not give into temptation. Especially at the age that I am. Where the people that I have grown up with are doing things that don't line up with the way that we've been taught. Where people give into their temptations and do things as though it doesn't affect other people. My generation is a generation that only thinks about the present instead of the future. Even though I do feel alone most days, I know that I will reap a harvest and be rewarded for not giving into the temptations that fly in my path.
I know this was super long, and I feel as though I should maybe stop here. I'm really excited about what the Lord has for me within the next few years and even within the next few months. I know it's great and I can't wait (well, I can ha)!
-Quayla
Friday, October 4, 2013
Making it through the final stretch-Update
Seriously,
I am reaching the 8 week mark of my Final Semester and I'm sitting here thinking about how fast it has gone.. and how fast the Spring Semester will get here. How fast graduation will get here. How fast it'll be when I have to begin working for the rest of my life.
It's crazy because as I'm sitting here thinking about all the things that are coming up, it gets a little challenging to figure out what I'm supposed to do next and where I'm supposed to be going.
At first, I've wanted to go to grad school. It seems to be the smartest "move" on paper because I can practically get an education for free. But at the same time, I sit there thinking about exactly how smart of an idea would that be. Do I want to continue on with schooling for two additional years? Or do I want to just go out into the work force. I know that going into Public Relations is relatively easier to do versus any other field. The growth and demand of it is rapid and I just feel as though the sooner I can get to work, the better. The more money I can make would be the better. As of late, I felt as though I should stay home and save money while I work. But on the other hand, I'm kind of on the fence and I'm not sure whether I should just go out and be on my own. If I should move somewhere outside of Richmond. If so, where?
It's a matter of not being sure where God wants to place me. Even though I'm not panicking, it becomes really hard to not know what I'm supposed to be doing next and where I'm supposed to be doing it. But at the same time, I'm perfectly okay with it.
It is hard to believe that in less than a year, this is what I will be doing.
The thing about my academics is that I have been being less and less motivated to doing my work. I don't want to even think about what I'm supposed to be doing. I am doing hw constantly and it's bugging me! ha. But I'm kind of glad that my Philosophy class is almost done. After that, I will only have to worry about Theology, which isn't NEARLY as time consuming and so much easier. Then I'll have to begin working on my campaigns for class and other things.
Well, this is just a very random update on my life right now..
I am reaching the 8 week mark of my Final Semester and I'm sitting here thinking about how fast it has gone.. and how fast the Spring Semester will get here. How fast graduation will get here. How fast it'll be when I have to begin working for the rest of my life.
It's crazy because as I'm sitting here thinking about all the things that are coming up, it gets a little challenging to figure out what I'm supposed to do next and where I'm supposed to be going.
At first, I've wanted to go to grad school. It seems to be the smartest "move" on paper because I can practically get an education for free. But at the same time, I sit there thinking about exactly how smart of an idea would that be. Do I want to continue on with schooling for two additional years? Or do I want to just go out into the work force. I know that going into Public Relations is relatively easier to do versus any other field. The growth and demand of it is rapid and I just feel as though the sooner I can get to work, the better. The more money I can make would be the better. As of late, I felt as though I should stay home and save money while I work. But on the other hand, I'm kind of on the fence and I'm not sure whether I should just go out and be on my own. If I should move somewhere outside of Richmond. If so, where?
It's a matter of not being sure where God wants to place me. Even though I'm not panicking, it becomes really hard to not know what I'm supposed to be doing next and where I'm supposed to be doing it. But at the same time, I'm perfectly okay with it.
It is hard to believe that in less than a year, this is what I will be doing.
The thing about my academics is that I have been being less and less motivated to doing my work. I don't want to even think about what I'm supposed to be doing. I am doing hw constantly and it's bugging me! ha. But I'm kind of glad that my Philosophy class is almost done. After that, I will only have to worry about Theology, which isn't NEARLY as time consuming and so much easier. Then I'll have to begin working on my campaigns for class and other things.
Well, this is just a very random update on my life right now..
Monday, August 26, 2013
Senior Year Shenanigans-Where is my life going?
I'm sitting here just finishing up my hw that was due for tomorrow and today and I realized that I should maybe attempt to write a complete blog since I have been failing to do so with my personal life. For me to be a person that loves to write, I just can never get myself to just write a blog as regularly as I want. I probably should begin keeping up with it a little more.
Well I am entering my second week of my senior year and the only thing that I find myself thinking about is simply "what do I do next?". Time is ticking. If I decide to go to grad school somewhere other than Liberty, I have 3 months to have taken my GMAT and apply for the program. This is to ensure that I receive Financial aid. To be honest, I do not want to accumulate many loans in addition to my undergrad. My plans for the longest time were to attend VCU's MBA program, but that would be about 10k and year. So taking into consideration of that, I would be adding on 20k worth of loans. As I'm thinking about it, I find it pointless because throughout my four years of undergrad, I will only be accumulating 25, 30k. For four years. So pulling out 20k for two, just seems to not be the wisest decision.
As I'm going through the month that I have been back at Liberty, I feel as though it is the wisest decision for me to simply stay in Lynchburg to pursue my Master's in Communications. It's crazy through it all, but I do apparently have more opportunities here than if I were to go elsewhere. I could still remain an RA and I could possibly do GSA at the same time. The Communications department at Liberty is revamping so much that it would be kind of crazy to not take the opportunity.
But then there are those moments when I feel as though my time here is just about up.
Then the other options are to just simply get rid of the Graduate School option and head on out into the work force. I mean, being that I am graduating with a degree in Public Relations and Broadcasting, I really do not think that there would be any challenges in finding a job. Primarily in the PR field. Then my dad has stroked out the idea that he would like for me to work for him.
There are so many options that I have right now that I don't even know what to take. It's crazy because, if you know me at all, you know how much of a planner I am. You'll know that not knowing the path to my future is concerning to me.
It challenges me to trust God even more. As an 18 year old freshman coming to Liberty, I really expected my life to be all panned out in a certain way. I expected to know exactly what I was supposed to do.
Being a senior and not knowing what I'm going to do next freaks me out more than anything. Because I never thought that at 21, I wouldn't know what path to take.
The craziest thing though, is somehow, through all the uncertainty, I have a feeling of peace. God's timing is perfect and I know that He hasn't left me wandering alone throughout all these years. He has a sense of humor too. Throughout RA training this semester, we sang this song, by Hillsong "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)". I never heard it before, but the bridge of the song spoke to me more than ever. I really couldn't find the song at the time, nor knew the title of it. Then after we sang it, I would simply forget the lyrics. Then for the next few weeks I just forgot about the song altogether. Then I heard it again over the weekend and was like "I need to find that song" but I got so tired and again, I forgot.
Then today, a girl on my hall posted the song lyrics on her fb status. Then I finally googled the lyrics and found it. Then Ironically, we had worship for RA group and actually sang this song. I literally almost hit tears. Because it was something that I really need to here, especially in the time of my life where I simply do not know where to go.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"
That song humbles me. More than anything. It reminds me how much I need to cling to the Lord and allow Him to just lead me in the direction that I need to go. I am reminded that He has never left me.
I never really thought the direction of this post would've gone the way it did. Sometimes, I just write and my hands to go along with whatever. =)
-Quayla
Thursday, July 18, 2013
It's All About Perspective
I kind of refrained from talking to a LOT of people about my thoughts on the Zimmerman Case. I don't like mentioning controversial things on my Facebook and Twitter really. However, I would sometimes mention things in my blogs (when I get the time).
This is what I tell people concerning Social Media in general though:
My Facebook is meant for entertainment. I don't debate, nor create a forum for debate. I don't condemn, nor create a forum for condemnation.
If someone else wants to do that with theirs, then that's totally fine, but I personally have made a decision to not engage in those things.
Well, anyways, I really feel as though these outbreaks are due to a lot of misconceptions and a failure to understand someone else's perspective. There is obviously a racial barrier still existent in our country that has shown itself evident in these two events:
1. President Obama's re-election
2. The George Zimmerman Case
I'm going to be honest and say that I have seen the true colors of a LOT of people: black and white with these two events alone.
- People were so adamant about voting "biblical values" when they themselves were not acting biblical.
- People were causing rage and losing friendships with people because of differences of opinion and perspective.
I personally was not upset about the Zimmerman verdict. At first, I was more so insensitive and frustrated of the reactions of practically the entire country. Primarily black people. I mean, cases like this happens all the time (black and white). Since I study media, I have come to understand that it's all about mind control. The media literally tells people what to think and feel and how to act. Especially when people don't know how to do their research.
I was frustrated because there are no outrages about black on black crimes. There are so many times when a black person is guilty, gets sentenced and people know the man was guilty. Then they go "Free my man (or other words) Boosie!" I'm serious. I was frustrated because I started to crave skittles but had to refrain from buying them because I felt as though someone would've assumed I was protesting or something.
So either way, I'm like "how are we going to expect people to take us seriously, when we do things like this?"
I tend to keep an open mind and objective approach to news. I mean, the ONLY people that know exactly what happened in the events leading up to Martin's death is George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin. Martin could have very well threatened Zimmerman's life. Or he could have very well been innocent. None of us know. Either way, the family of both Martin's and Zimmerman's are changed. Forever.
I'm not going to even go with the legal side of things and my opinion on the verdict. I'm not a lawyer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I don't think that anyone of us should pretend that we are either.
As someone who has taken the time to get to know many people of many different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, I have come to understand that everyone has a different perspective of situations like these. A different perspective of life in general. Over the years, I have learned that you don't ask a Puerto Rican if they're Mexican. I've learned that you don't ask a Korean if they're Chinese or what "part" of Korea they are from. I've learned that a white person can be African. I've learned that I ONLY want an Indian or Arabian person making my sandwich at Subway, only a Chinese person for Chinese food. Or a Dominican person blow out my hair (that maybe a poor humorous attempt). Maybe some of you don't know these things, and don't understand the tension that comes with the misconceptions. A lot of the tension comes from the fact that there is a lack of understanding of a another's person's perspective. A lack of proper communication. A lack of discipline. A lack of attempting to understand.
These two events have seem to surface into a black-white issue where:
White people don't understand why it's a big deal
Black people don't effectively communicate why it's a big deal
Then there's a bunch of ridicule going on and people acting uncivilized and rude to people when they simply do not understand!
So, why are these things a big deal?
I am one of those people that can say that I have been very fortunate to have the upbringing that I have had.
I have 3 siblings. That are all from the same mother and father
My parents are still together after 20 years
I am less than a year away from obtaining a Bachelor's degree.
I have rarely dealt with racial attacks/slurs
But I can't say that for every person. Just to mention my "black" friends alone, that number is very small. Statistically in America alone, that number is almost non-existent. So I personally cannot relate to a large number of black people in America.
I have a lot of friends of various races and I personally like to keep it like that. But I'm asked sometimes by my friends about why these two issues are necessarily a big deal. While I personally am not emotionally affected by them like most people of my race are, I can't deny the fact of the matter that they do affect people. (Again, I will mention that my upbringing is rare.)
My parents grew up in a place where police officers badly beat black people.. just because they were black. My parents are 40.
My grandparents grew up during the time period of Martin Luther King Jr. During the time where white people killed black people. Just because they were black. Where they couldn't use the same bathroom, eat in the same restaurants, you name it. My grandmother is 60.
It was the time period where even Christians felt as though it was okay to do those cruel things. Yet now we have big pushes for pro-life which in some regard is a little ironic. Yes, things are changing, people are starting to realize more truth, but we still have progress to make. As people as a whole, not just race.
I could go on up my family tree.. but my generation through my family line has probably had little to no racial encounters. However, I do know several people my age who have dealt with it. Racism still exists to this day. While slavery ended in 1863 there have been so many legal difficulties for black people up until the 1960s. So you're talking about over 300 years of a struggle, compared to the past 50 years of progress.
- Having a black president is a big deal because for generations black people have felt inferior. To have a black president was something that people have been told for generations would NEVER happen. I'm not making this a political issue, you can agree or disagree with his policies all you want. That's not a topic of discussion right now.
- Having Zimmerman not being guilty was a big deal because there were times when the government have framed black men. Or have made more efforts for a man in the legal system that isn't black to be free than someone that was.
Because of the issues of racial treatment of the generations before mine, I can say that black people have developed a case of racism themselves. To be honest, black people today can be just as racist towards a white person, as a white person can be towards a black person today. I hear it often and have personally been guilty of it myself "don't do that, that's what white people do" or "why do you act so white" or maybe "white people are so nasty." The list goes on.
To put this in a more widely relatable perspective. Think about someone that is scared to swim. They go with their friends and they don't understand why that person is afraid of water. Sometimes they tease and ridicule that person without fully understanding why they are scared. After a while and over the course of their friendship, everyone will eventually come to understand that the person is scared of water because they have had a near death encounter with water. You wouldn't have understood that until the relationship is there.
That's how things are with black people in America. Things are like that for other races in other countries as well. I can't personally speak for them because I don't understand the perspective to a deep degree. After having generations after generations of bondage, there are just specific things that mean more to black people than most. It's just a matter of breaking through that barrier and trying to understand.
(I also believe that there is a significant amount of issues that are simply a spiritual battle. But, that is a slightly different topic.)
To those that think otherwise, there are black people that genuinely work hard for what they have. Whether it's a lot, or a little. I hear a lot of people dog welfare and food stamps like the only people that get them are being lazy. That's not true at all. I know people that have had to utilize them that work hard and just need the extra help. It's biblical. We are supposed to help those that are in need.
But there are people that abuse these things as well. I cannot deny that fact either. And to be honest, they will handle the consequences for that in due time. But to be honest, there are people of every race that do the same exact things.
When it comes to black people, in my generation, I will say that the majority of deaths involving black people are usually done by black people themselves. I can't deny that either. I also believe that when it comes to the next progress of black people as a whole, we do need to make a personal change.
Racism is not going to end while racism is still being fed.
Yes, people should demand respect regardless of what their race is. But people should also make sure that they are willing to give it back, even when they are not being respected. That's how we are to be judged by the content of our character. Everyone should understand what is offensive to someone and what isn't. Racism is a learned behavior. A person cannot be born racist.
To those of you that are black, I do understand the hurt that exists when you're doing right and are being still being treated unfairly just because of the color of skin. I understand how hurt some people may be with something like this case because, if you look through history the government has shown disfavor for black people. For generations. My generation is the first in this country that hasn't had to deal with a fraction of the generations before.
A white person, or simply someone that isn't black, of my generation is frustrated. Frustrations come from just simply not understanding. But then the frustrations come from lack of proper communication. Frustrations come from what seems to be a double standard. Are we (black people) holding a double standard? Understand the frustration, work through the frustration and help them understand exactly why things are the way that they are. Not in hatred, not in disrespect, and not in disunity.
We shouldn't react in hatred towards people. While we should not ignore the fact that racism exists, we should not continue to embrace racism. As a black person, a white person, a hispanic person, etc. We should not teach our children to hate people of another race. Or to feel inferior or superior. We should not allow someone to suffer for something that the generations before them have done. We should strive to break the stereotypes. We should strive to understand another person's perspective.
Our past should not negate our future. Not every person of a race is the same as every other person of their own race. But at the same time, don't act like a negative stereotype and get mad when someone treats you like that stereotype. While we wait for people to catch on to treating us with the respect that we deserve, we as a whole should begin to act like those very people worthy of that respect. It starts in our homes, in our mindset, in our actions.
I have learned this in one of my classes a couple of years ago. Jesus' family line was cursed. If you were to study through the genealogy of Christ, you would understand that very chapter in Matthew going through his family history is offensive to Jews, Israelis in general. Jesus was a descendant of some pretty messed up cultures. Who knows the very tension that people felt against him when they knew where He came from. Just from his background alone. But think about how He reacted towards them.
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
This is what I tell people concerning Social Media in general though:
My Facebook is meant for entertainment. I don't debate, nor create a forum for debate. I don't condemn, nor create a forum for condemnation.
If someone else wants to do that with theirs, then that's totally fine, but I personally have made a decision to not engage in those things.
Well, anyways, I really feel as though these outbreaks are due to a lot of misconceptions and a failure to understand someone else's perspective. There is obviously a racial barrier still existent in our country that has shown itself evident in these two events:
1. President Obama's re-election
2. The George Zimmerman Case
I'm going to be honest and say that I have seen the true colors of a LOT of people: black and white with these two events alone.
- People were so adamant about voting "biblical values" when they themselves were not acting biblical.
- People were causing rage and losing friendships with people because of differences of opinion and perspective.
I personally was not upset about the Zimmerman verdict. At first, I was more so insensitive and frustrated of the reactions of practically the entire country. Primarily black people. I mean, cases like this happens all the time (black and white). Since I study media, I have come to understand that it's all about mind control. The media literally tells people what to think and feel and how to act. Especially when people don't know how to do their research.
I was frustrated because there are no outrages about black on black crimes. There are so many times when a black person is guilty, gets sentenced and people know the man was guilty. Then they go "Free my man (or other words) Boosie!" I'm serious. I was frustrated because I started to crave skittles but had to refrain from buying them because I felt as though someone would've assumed I was protesting or something.
So either way, I'm like "how are we going to expect people to take us seriously, when we do things like this?"
I tend to keep an open mind and objective approach to news. I mean, the ONLY people that know exactly what happened in the events leading up to Martin's death is George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin. Martin could have very well threatened Zimmerman's life. Or he could have very well been innocent. None of us know. Either way, the family of both Martin's and Zimmerman's are changed. Forever.
I'm not going to even go with the legal side of things and my opinion on the verdict. I'm not a lawyer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I don't think that anyone of us should pretend that we are either.
As someone who has taken the time to get to know many people of many different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, I have come to understand that everyone has a different perspective of situations like these. A different perspective of life in general. Over the years, I have learned that you don't ask a Puerto Rican if they're Mexican. I've learned that you don't ask a Korean if they're Chinese or what "part" of Korea they are from. I've learned that a white person can be African. I've learned that I ONLY want an Indian or Arabian person making my sandwich at Subway, only a Chinese person for Chinese food. Or a Dominican person blow out my hair (that maybe a poor humorous attempt). Maybe some of you don't know these things, and don't understand the tension that comes with the misconceptions. A lot of the tension comes from the fact that there is a lack of understanding of a another's person's perspective. A lack of proper communication. A lack of discipline. A lack of attempting to understand.
These two events have seem to surface into a black-white issue where:
White people don't understand why it's a big deal
Black people don't effectively communicate why it's a big deal
Then there's a bunch of ridicule going on and people acting uncivilized and rude to people when they simply do not understand!
So, why are these things a big deal?
I am one of those people that can say that I have been very fortunate to have the upbringing that I have had.
I have 3 siblings. That are all from the same mother and father
My parents are still together after 20 years
I am less than a year away from obtaining a Bachelor's degree.
Me and a few cousins on my dad's side are neck and neck. But I will be one of the first (if not the first) to ever get that on his side.
I have never lived in the ghettoI have rarely dealt with racial attacks/slurs
But I can't say that for every person. Just to mention my "black" friends alone, that number is very small. Statistically in America alone, that number is almost non-existent. So I personally cannot relate to a large number of black people in America.
I have a lot of friends of various races and I personally like to keep it like that. But I'm asked sometimes by my friends about why these two issues are necessarily a big deal. While I personally am not emotionally affected by them like most people of my race are, I can't deny the fact of the matter that they do affect people. (Again, I will mention that my upbringing is rare.)
My parents grew up in a place where police officers badly beat black people.. just because they were black. My parents are 40.
My grandparents grew up during the time period of Martin Luther King Jr. During the time where white people killed black people. Just because they were black. Where they couldn't use the same bathroom, eat in the same restaurants, you name it. My grandmother is 60.
It was the time period where even Christians felt as though it was okay to do those cruel things. Yet now we have big pushes for pro-life which in some regard is a little ironic. Yes, things are changing, people are starting to realize more truth, but we still have progress to make. As people as a whole, not just race.
I could go on up my family tree.. but my generation through my family line has probably had little to no racial encounters. However, I do know several people my age who have dealt with it. Racism still exists to this day. While slavery ended in 1863 there have been so many legal difficulties for black people up until the 1960s. So you're talking about over 300 years of a struggle, compared to the past 50 years of progress.
- Having a black president is a big deal because for generations black people have felt inferior. To have a black president was something that people have been told for generations would NEVER happen. I'm not making this a political issue, you can agree or disagree with his policies all you want. That's not a topic of discussion right now.
- Having Zimmerman not being guilty was a big deal because there were times when the government have framed black men. Or have made more efforts for a man in the legal system that isn't black to be free than someone that was.
Because of the issues of racial treatment of the generations before mine, I can say that black people have developed a case of racism themselves. To be honest, black people today can be just as racist towards a white person, as a white person can be towards a black person today. I hear it often and have personally been guilty of it myself "don't do that, that's what white people do" or "why do you act so white" or maybe "white people are so nasty." The list goes on.
To put this in a more widely relatable perspective. Think about someone that is scared to swim. They go with their friends and they don't understand why that person is afraid of water. Sometimes they tease and ridicule that person without fully understanding why they are scared. After a while and over the course of their friendship, everyone will eventually come to understand that the person is scared of water because they have had a near death encounter with water. You wouldn't have understood that until the relationship is there.
That's how things are with black people in America. Things are like that for other races in other countries as well. I can't personally speak for them because I don't understand the perspective to a deep degree. After having generations after generations of bondage, there are just specific things that mean more to black people than most. It's just a matter of breaking through that barrier and trying to understand.
(I also believe that there is a significant amount of issues that are simply a spiritual battle. But, that is a slightly different topic.)
To those that think otherwise, there are black people that genuinely work hard for what they have. Whether it's a lot, or a little. I hear a lot of people dog welfare and food stamps like the only people that get them are being lazy. That's not true at all. I know people that have had to utilize them that work hard and just need the extra help. It's biblical. We are supposed to help those that are in need.
But there are people that abuse these things as well. I cannot deny that fact either. And to be honest, they will handle the consequences for that in due time. But to be honest, there are people of every race that do the same exact things.
When it comes to black people, in my generation, I will say that the majority of deaths involving black people are usually done by black people themselves. I can't deny that either. I also believe that when it comes to the next progress of black people as a whole, we do need to make a personal change.
Racism is not going to end while racism is still being fed.
Yes, people should demand respect regardless of what their race is. But people should also make sure that they are willing to give it back, even when they are not being respected. That's how we are to be judged by the content of our character. Everyone should understand what is offensive to someone and what isn't. Racism is a learned behavior. A person cannot be born racist.
To those of you that are black, I do understand the hurt that exists when you're doing right and are being still being treated unfairly just because of the color of skin. I understand how hurt some people may be with something like this case because, if you look through history the government has shown disfavor for black people. For generations. My generation is the first in this country that hasn't had to deal with a fraction of the generations before.
A white person, or simply someone that isn't black, of my generation is frustrated. Frustrations come from just simply not understanding. But then the frustrations come from lack of proper communication. Frustrations come from what seems to be a double standard. Are we (black people) holding a double standard? Understand the frustration, work through the frustration and help them understand exactly why things are the way that they are. Not in hatred, not in disrespect, and not in disunity.
We shouldn't react in hatred towards people. While we should not ignore the fact that racism exists, we should not continue to embrace racism. As a black person, a white person, a hispanic person, etc. We should not teach our children to hate people of another race. Or to feel inferior or superior. We should not allow someone to suffer for something that the generations before them have done. We should strive to break the stereotypes. We should strive to understand another person's perspective.
Our past should not negate our future. Not every person of a race is the same as every other person of their own race. But at the same time, don't act like a negative stereotype and get mad when someone treats you like that stereotype. While we wait for people to catch on to treating us with the respect that we deserve, we as a whole should begin to act like those very people worthy of that respect. It starts in our homes, in our mindset, in our actions.
I have learned this in one of my classes a couple of years ago. Jesus' family line was cursed. If you were to study through the genealogy of Christ, you would understand that very chapter in Matthew going through his family history is offensive to Jews, Israelis in general. Jesus was a descendant of some pretty messed up cultures. Who knows the very tension that people felt against him when they knew where He came from. Just from his background alone. But think about how He reacted towards them.
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
Friday, July 5, 2013
This emotional summer
I've been doing a HORRIBLE job with keeping up with my blog. As often as I enjoy writing, I find it very strange at how I have not been able to complete very many posts. I would sit there and begin writing and then I stop and decide that I was going to come back to it. But then once I come back to it.. the inspiration is no longer there, or either the topic becomes irrelevant.
Just in general, I feel as though there have been so many things running through my mind, that I just couldn't simply express them in any words of any form. It's pretty crazy to be honest. Smh That's my life you know? haha
Well, anyways, I take a good portion of my summers in between the school years to do a lot of personal evaluation. I mean, for any person, but specifically as an adult, I believe that it is really important to just take the time to evaluate yourself. Figure out what areas in your life you need to improve in and the how you're going to improve in those areas.
But this summer was just a bit different.
Overall, I do feel as though because I'm not running around nearly as much and have the time to just sit reflect on things, I find myself to be a really emotional person. It makes me wonder if that's who I really am, and I just manage to shift my focus away from my emotions through all the busyness of my life throughout the school years. This summer just had me in quite the emotional whirlwind and to be honest, I never really know where they come from.
I think in general, a recurring theme has been my emotions. I tell people that I have learned to be a suppressor. If there has bee something emotional happen to me, I would just hide them somewhere and leave them alone. I just feel as though emotions should just be placed in a separate category that should never be touched or messed with. I don't even like being around visibly emotional people because I don't know how to comfort them nor do I want to. I just think everyone should just suck it up and move on with their day to day lives. So.. that's how I make it seem.
Well, I started to get a little off course... but to tie that in, I know that the Lord has someone used this summer to develop my emotions on a level that I didn't think I need to. Where it comes to trying to figure out EXACTLY how I feel and then being able to tell Him the same. I never used to pay attention to how I felt about certain situations because I kind of left them alone. So, it all started with me having to be honest with myself and the being honest with Him. Which wasn't easy at first, to be honest.
To be a little transparent here, I will say that probably one of the biggest hindrances in my growth as an individual, and on the spiritual level, was my emotions. We all have those things that are hindrances in our growth. For me, it was definitely emotional. Which is so weird, to be coming from someone like me. Or at least the image that I manage to give off.
Yes, during my evaluation, I have had the opportunity to pinpoint what led to it. Then it begins the process of clearing everything to being in the right place and where they need to be. What I am truly excited about is where the Lord is going to take me through it all. I can't even fathom the magnitude of the end result of this process
I don't know if this post seems to be completely random.. or not complete at all, but I just really wanted to mention it in someway on a general level. I will probably get into more detail later.
-Quayla
Just in general, I feel as though there have been so many things running through my mind, that I just couldn't simply express them in any words of any form. It's pretty crazy to be honest. Smh That's my life you know? haha
Well, anyways, I take a good portion of my summers in between the school years to do a lot of personal evaluation. I mean, for any person, but specifically as an adult, I believe that it is really important to just take the time to evaluate yourself. Figure out what areas in your life you need to improve in and the how you're going to improve in those areas.
But this summer was just a bit different.
Overall, I do feel as though because I'm not running around nearly as much and have the time to just sit reflect on things, I find myself to be a really emotional person. It makes me wonder if that's who I really am, and I just manage to shift my focus away from my emotions through all the busyness of my life throughout the school years. This summer just had me in quite the emotional whirlwind and to be honest, I never really know where they come from.
I think in general, a recurring theme has been my emotions. I tell people that I have learned to be a suppressor. If there has bee something emotional happen to me, I would just hide them somewhere and leave them alone. I just feel as though emotions should just be placed in a separate category that should never be touched or messed with. I don't even like being around visibly emotional people because I don't know how to comfort them nor do I want to. I just think everyone should just suck it up and move on with their day to day lives. So.. that's how I make it seem.
Well, I started to get a little off course... but to tie that in, I know that the Lord has someone used this summer to develop my emotions on a level that I didn't think I need to. Where it comes to trying to figure out EXACTLY how I feel and then being able to tell Him the same. I never used to pay attention to how I felt about certain situations because I kind of left them alone. So, it all started with me having to be honest with myself and the being honest with Him. Which wasn't easy at first, to be honest.
To be a little transparent here, I will say that probably one of the biggest hindrances in my growth as an individual, and on the spiritual level, was my emotions. We all have those things that are hindrances in our growth. For me, it was definitely emotional. Which is so weird, to be coming from someone like me. Or at least the image that I manage to give off.
Yes, during my evaluation, I have had the opportunity to pinpoint what led to it. Then it begins the process of clearing everything to being in the right place and where they need to be. What I am truly excited about is where the Lord is going to take me through it all. I can't even fathom the magnitude of the end result of this process
I don't know if this post seems to be completely random.. or not complete at all, but I just really wanted to mention it in someway on a general level. I will probably get into more detail later.
-Quayla
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