I've been doing a HORRIBLE job with keeping up with my blog. As often as I enjoy writing, I find it very strange at how I have not been able to complete very many posts. I would sit there and begin writing and then I stop and decide that I was going to come back to it. But then once I come back to it.. the inspiration is no longer there, or either the topic becomes irrelevant.
Just in general, I feel as though there have been so many things running through my mind, that I just couldn't simply express them in any words of any form. It's pretty crazy to be honest. Smh That's my life you know? haha
Well, anyways, I take a good portion of my summers in between the school years to do a lot of personal evaluation. I mean, for any person, but specifically as an adult, I believe that it is really important to just take the time to evaluate yourself. Figure out what areas in your life you need to improve in and the how you're going to improve in those areas.
But this summer was just a bit different.
Overall, I do feel as though because I'm not running around nearly as much and have the time to just sit reflect on things, I find myself to be a really emotional person. It makes me wonder if that's who I really am, and I just manage to shift my focus away from my emotions through all the busyness of my life throughout the school years. This summer just had me in quite the emotional whirlwind and to be honest, I never really know where they come from.
I think in general, a recurring theme has been my emotions. I tell people that I have learned to be a suppressor. If there has bee something emotional happen to me, I would just hide them somewhere and leave them alone. I just feel as though emotions should just be placed in a separate category that should never be touched or messed with. I don't even like being around visibly emotional people because I don't know how to comfort them nor do I want to. I just think everyone should just suck it up and move on with their day to day lives. So.. that's how I make it seem.
Well, I started to get a little off course... but to tie that in, I know that the Lord has someone used this summer to develop my emotions on a level that I didn't think I need to. Where it comes to trying to figure out EXACTLY how I feel and then being able to tell Him the same. I never used to pay attention to how I felt about certain situations because I kind of left them alone. So, it all started with me having to be honest with myself and the being honest with Him. Which wasn't easy at first, to be honest.
To be a little transparent here, I will say that probably one of the biggest hindrances in my growth as an individual, and on the spiritual level, was my emotions. We all have those things that are hindrances in our growth. For me, it was definitely emotional. Which is so weird, to be coming from someone like me. Or at least the image that I manage to give off.
Yes, during my evaluation, I have had the opportunity to pinpoint what led to it. Then it begins the process of clearing everything to being in the right place and where they need to be. What I am truly excited about is where the Lord is going to take me through it all. I can't even fathom the magnitude of the end result of this process
I don't know if this post seems to be completely random.. or not complete at all, but I just really wanted to mention it in someway on a general level. I will probably get into more detail later.
-Quayla
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