"I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus"
- Philippians 3:14
I haven't really had the opportunity to blog nearly as much as I would have liked to over the past couple of years. What can I say, being a double major and an RA has definitely took precedence over writing blogs. But considering the fact that the only thing that I have to focus on at the moment is school, I figured that now would actually be the best time to begin writing. It may be fairly random in some areas, but hey, at least I'm getting something posted! =)
It's been only a few days since I have graduated from Liberty. I'm not really sure exactly what I was thinking when I decided to pursue two majors for my undergrad. To be honest, I probably wasn't thinking at all because once I decided to add becoming a Resident Assistant into the equation I absolutely had little to no time to do things other than spend time with the girls on my hall or doing my work for my classes. (Let's just say I probably don't think that much as I also decided to start Grad school two days after graduation)
I came to Liberty not really sure WHAT I was going to be doing with my life. I had no idea. I started as a Journalism major. But over the summer after graduating High School, I was debating between Accounting, Kinesiology, and Athletic Training. My personality type is wired for Accounting or Engineering, but for some reason, those career fields did not feel right for me. Then somehow I thought I wanted to become a music minor at one point, which was a little weird. I also wanted to be a journalism major all throughout high school, but for some reason when I got to coming into college, I panicked and just wasn't sure about what I should be doing. When I hit the first semester, I wasn't exactly sure if Journalism was what I should be doing. When I got to my first semester of sophomore year, I realized that I shouldn't be doing Journalism at all. I switched the next semester. God planned it out well because I had changed to Broadcasting and Public Relations at the last possible moment to provide that I would graduate in four years. For some reason though, I still did not know what I was supposed to be doing with my life. To be honest, I didn't figure it out until this March.
I have to say that my time at Liberty was definitely more business and ministry minded than pleasure. I came to Liberty with a completely different mindset than most college Freshmen. I had a mission due to these reasonings:
- First, no one in my family (on my father's side) had a Bachelor's degree. If I worked hard, I knew that I was going to be the first. My parents, at my age going into college had me already and had to drop out of school. My dad was the first in his family to graduate from high school and attend college I believe. I was going to be the first to actually finish.
- Secondly, because I was homeschooled growing up, the quality of my intellect was always questioned by my peers. I was often directly called or it was implied that I was stupid. It would either hurt me so much or make me intensively angry. I always had to defend myself in regards to my education. To this day, when my intellect is challenged, I take it personally and it angers me probably more than anything else (which is interesting because I am usually a fairly calm person). For years, I wanted to prove those people that called me stupid wrong. To be honest, I believe that people calling me stupid fueled me more than anything else to finish my college degree. It's funny, but true!
- Thirdly, I'm black. I really can go on and on about this. It can go in a combination of humor and seriousness. I have statistics against me. According to the numbers, I was going to get pregnant and have to drop out of school, among other things. I have told a few people throughout the time that I have been at Liberty the seriousness of me breaking a stereotype by being in an educational setting as a black female. We laugh about how mad I would get at the group of black people that would sit in the computer lab like thugs. Literally taking over the whole entire lab, sitting on the desks, etc. But at the same time, it was serious because some of those people still have not graduated yet and they've been at Liberty longer than I have, simply because they didn't take their education seriously. I knew going in that I had to try twice as hard in certain areas than most. I knew that I was often going to be the only black person in my classes. In settings like that, it is as though you are the representation of the whole entire black community. It was as though all eyes were on me to represent the black community well. To be honest, it kind of was because if something happened within the black community, I was the person that was asked about it. Because of this I had to make sure I communicated well, I couldn't sit in the back of the classrooms talking and being a distraction. I couldn't be "ratchet" and loud when it was unnecessary. I needed to take my work seriously. I needed to get good grades. But at the same time, I needed to be confident in who I was and who God created me to be. I needed to make sure that I understood history and why things are the way that they were so that I can formally express why perspectives differ from culture to culture. Me being black is not a mistake. I needed to embrace who I was but also set the bar high for others to see that what I have done is indeed attainable.
But alongside all that, I have to say that I made sure that I took advantage of as many things that were offered to me as possible to complete all the goals that I had set for my college career. During the four years that I've been at Liberty, I have served as a Prayer Leader, a Resident Assistant, a secretary for two clubs, eventually a president for one of those clubs, and lead a community service care team. Except for maybe two semesters, I have always had to do 16-17 credit hour semesters to make sure that I was going to graduate on time. During the Spring Semesters of my Junior and Senior year, I did internships in combination with my capstones for Broadcasting and Public Relations. So I think it's safe to say that I really had a busy college experience. If I wasn't on my hall doing homework or sleeping, I was usually in a meeting for any one of those things.
Looking back, sometimes I wonder if I over stretched myself past my capacity. Honestly, I completely don't understand how I naturally still managed to finish my undergraduate career with a 3.56 GPA. It was only by the grace of God. Especially considering the fact that I'm allergic to coffee. Out of the four years of my college career, I may have only consumed 10 cups of coffee (I discovered at some point that I was slightly allergic to it).
These past four years, as busy as I have been, I can't say that I have any regrets with how I chose to spend my time. I don't regret making the decision to attend Liberty, although there were those moments when I really did. I encountered people that represented the school and the Christian community very poorly. I encountered people that believed differently than I did and made it appear that the way they believed were the only accurate way to believe. This frustrated me when they didn't have accurate proof to state why they believed what they believed. It was as though we could confine God into one denomination. I encountered people that made voting Republican mean that it was the Christian thing to do and if you didn't agree with it at all then you were not following under Biblical Principles. I encountered racial circumstances in various situations. I mean, of course every school is not perfect nor has any absence of situations like these, but it really had to take quite a bit to really not be distracted by them.
The thing is, I knew God wanted me at Liberty because it was the only place that worked out financially for me. After my first year, I considered transferring to VCU because I didn't like the relationships, or lack thereof that I had developed. The price difference between the two schools were significant, as Liberty was roughly $30k a year and VCU was going to be $8k. But with all the the scholarships that I had received from Liberty and the government, it would have been cheaper for me to be at Liberty than it would have been for me to be at VCU. You'd be an idiot to not see the provision of God in that way. I figured that I should stay.
But at the end of my four years as I look at everything that I have experienced as a whole, there are so many things that I can take away that I would not want to part with.
The most important thing that the Lord had worked in my life was having me realize the magnitude of His love for me. Yes, we could say His love for us as a whole, but at the end of the day, if we don't make it personal, understanding His love becomes even more limited. I learned to appreciate His love for me in the little things like seeing a Granny Smith Apple in the dining hall when I was craving it. Or the fact that He took the time to give someone the very innovative idea to create Ice Cream. I learned to trust in His provision. I learned to trust Him in the hard decisions. In the moments where I felt alone. The moments when I thought everyone and everything were against me.
The moments that I had to spend with the girls on my hall have probably been some of the best experiences of my life. I have been challenged to grow empathetically. Challenged to be more hospitable. I have been challenged to pray more. Challenged to read my Bible more and study into the context of what was really being said and why. I have been challenged to know what I believe and why I believe it. I believe that the Lord has grown me in so many ways that I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have if I chose to spend my college experience being somewhere else or doing something else. I have become part of an amazing community within my RA group and the leadership community that have created an atmosphere of transparency and growth for me.
I have had the most amazing professors. There was one professor that I had my Freshman year for English that I really enjoyed having. I waited until this semester to take my next English with the hope that he would get promoted by then, which he did. Although I sat in a classroom with 100 other students, he made the class feel like there were only 15 of us. He was really personal, made sure he knew my name and that class was definitely one of the highlights of my weeks. I had other professors where I specifically chose to take a class that I didn't need just so that I could have him as a professor again. I really enjoyed having him because of his personality and quality of his teaching. I had professors pray for me personally. Laugh and joke with me. Give me their home or cell phone numbers in case I needed anything. Professors that bought Panera for the class. Professors that took the time to make cookies and dress up like Santa Claus when it wasn't even Christmas time so that we could all sit on his lap and take a picture with him. Professors that looked like Oompa Loompas who made me crave chocolate every time I sat in his class. Professors that were at the top of their field that sacrificed making tons of money so that they could help influence my life. Professors that told me what I needed to hear vs. what I wanted to hear.
Yes, my college experience was different. I didn't spend all kinds of hours of the night drinking or partying. I didn't have sex. I haven't even dated once while I was at Liberty. I didn't get my "ring by spring" or my Masters of Reproductive Sciences Degree (MRS haha) like the stereotypical Liberty Student. As stupid as that may sound, I'm glad that I didn't. I don't dread not having had a boyfriend in college. I don't dread not being engaged and getting married like a good majority of my peers are this summer.
To be completely honest, I wasn't really even nearly as excited as expected at first about graduating. I already am not a super expressive person emotionally, but other than counting down til when I had it done, I felt as though it was already time to move onto the next better thing. Graduating was just a stepping stone. But to be completely honest, part of the main reason why I wasn't really sure how to express or if I should express excitement was because I wasn't sure how my graduation day would be like without my grandfather being there. I hate really broadcasting about things that upset me, as I haven't really mentioned it to many people. Not even my family. When my grandfather passed, I was glad that I made the decision to graduate in 4 years instead of 3 because of the fact that I knew it was probably going to be hard to go through that day without him there. I figured that I needed more time to heal. My grandfather had been present for every major accomplishment in my life, so knowing that he wasn't going to be there to witness an accomplishment that no one in his family had done was going to be a difficult reality for me to face. It was a reality that I didn't want to face. It hit me more on Friday morning when I had to get up and check-in for graduation. I didn't want to get out of bed. When I got to Saturday and went through the whole day with a combination of exhaustion and excitement, I realized that everything was actually going to be okay. Regardless of whether my grandfather was there or not, he actually left behind a legacy. Something that I hope that I will be able to do when my time on this earth is gone. I don't think anything could be more comforting than knowing that I am part of his legacy. But most importantly, I was reminded more about the love of God than any other moment that day. Something that He had taken four years to show me. The love of God is my comforter and my strength. And He was that day.
Although I will be back for one more year to complete my Master's, I have to say that my time at Liberty has developed me from being a completely senseless girl to an educated woman. Not every encounter has been pleasurable, but at the same time, I have to say that these four years have changed my life more than the previous 18 years. My relationship with the Lord has grown significantly and I have developed amazing relationships with people that have helped me get to where I am today. I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been able to do it without the help of so many people who have challenged and encouraged me to keep pushing through the tough times and to not be lazy when I wanted to be. I found out what my passions and calling for my life were.
At some point, I realized that my goals were not for me, but to be used to glorify the Lord. Because at the end of the day, if He isn't the influencer of it, everything is in vain. Instead of lashing out at the people or circumstances that tried to discourage me, I let the Lord and my work for Him do the talking for me. I focused on the goal. I focused on the Lord's love for me. Because of that, I did something that the numbers said I would never do.
Liberty,
Thank you for the experience. And you're welcome for the $120K ;)
-Quayla
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