I will try to make this as grammatically correct as I can. I don't think I'll actually sit down and try proofreading every single thing. Well, I may. I'll try not to make this SUPER long.. but it actually may be a bit long. I have a lot to say since I haven't been writing in my journal.
I've actually taken a quite a bit of time lately evaluating my lifestyle in the present, past, and even the future. The great things that I've accomplished, as well as the mistakes that I have made has in its very own way, shaped me into the person that I am today. Not only has it been of a great help to myself, but I have also been able to help others throughout my experiences. Each has its own story.
One of the things that I have evaluated the most are the relationships with people that I have either let go or maintained. I was lying down thinking about how my life was entering into high school. I had an interesting set of friends that, at the time, I thought we were going to still maintain our friendship for the rest of our lives. But looking at it all, 4 years later: Where have our relationships ended? and.. Why?
I will actually blame myself for the relationships ending. I'm not sorry about it either. Throughout all of the years of my life, I've been somehow taught to distance yourself from people who are, basically, holding you back, who know the things of the Word (and claims themselves to be Christians) but acts as though they aren't (hypocrites basically). But at the same time, show love, and be of help to them. Being only about 13,14 years old, I identified from the beginning that the friends that I had, were going to hold me back if I continued to be of close fellowship with them (hopefully this isn't confusing). I actually spent my freshman year a little bit on the quiet/lone side. I had my basketball friends. But we were more so friends only during basketball season ha. Other than basketball. I spent a large portion by myself. I actually dreaded it for a little bit because, for any 14-year-old girl, its difficult to completely change friendships with people. Hmm... its was a bit harder for me to be honest. I was always quiet.
I believe that I became a little evened out during the end of my freshman year/going into sophomore year. I had bit of people that I called my "friends" but then Junior year came and I definitely realized that about 95% of them weren't really the type of friends that I thought they were. I kind of fiddled w/ it for a little bit. More so distancing one by one instead of a "mass" cut. But its interesting because now that I'm facing the end of my senior year, I'm realizing that I should've cut them off from the very beginning. Why? I knew the horrible character that they had, but those things aren't the main factor, it was more so the fact that they're not willing to change it. (its a bit confusing) I hung w/ them because I felt in some way that I was able to talk to them differently than with others.. I actually convinced myself that they were letting God take control of their lives/issues... but because I "tried" to convince myself of it, I ended up becoming deceived, and falling into the same mess that they were in. hmm...
So the relationships thing.... as I'm about to leave high school.. only 2 of the friends that I currently have.. basically.. have been my friends going into high school (or during my freshman year). And I really think that they are going to be in my life for a really long time. Even if I don't have the opportunity to talk to them often. One of the two "old" friends that I have.. I believe its been close to a year and a half since I've seen her, but we're still going to be friends for a while.
Its actually a pretty interesting experience... but a good one.
-Quayla
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