So I want to try to actually get this down while its actually fresh in my thoughts. I think I have time to get everything out. Ha. I definitely have to do something intense thinking over the next few months. I'll be 18 in less than 2 weeks. I graduate in 2 months. I leave for college in 4 1/2 months. It'll definitely be a good bit of adjusting to do. Especially with the fact that 95% of my social circles will change. I'm not going to have a whole lot of time to maintain friendships back home because, of course, I will be busy maintaining good grades as well as working a job. I realized that by having a job, I won't be able to come home as frequently because there will be times when I'll have to work on weekends. It never really processed until this weekend I guess lol (so many things have come into perspective lately). However, there is one friendship that I would really like to maintain. The only thing is, I'm not exactly sure how. The situation will be a complicated one. BIG time. But I don't know... maybe.. if God still wants me to have that friendship, it'll become easy to maintain. If its time to move away from that friendship, then God will help me move away. I just have to trust Him completely about it.
I'm starting to become nervous about my new life. However, I'm excited at the same time. Thinking about the new faces that I will be able to see. The new friends that I will be able to meet. I really believe that I will meet some people that are going to be in my life... for well... the rest of my life. I'm ready to face the next four years of my life.
I'm somehow a little pessimistic about, well... I guess I can say it.. boys. Its not that I ABSOLUTELY NEED to be in a relationship, but there are times when I sit back and think about if, it'll ever happen to me. Then I think about the who's, what's, when's, and where's. Then sometimes, I wonder if I need to re-evaluate my preferences. Or just continue being patient. Sometimes being patient is REALLY hard.. Especially when hardly anyone else is doing the same. Sometimes I also wonder if its just my "shy-ness" that gets in the way. Or maybe being shy is a good thing in this case. Then sometimes I wonder if.. well.. my past is holding me back... All it took was one relationship. Sometimes, in the back of my mind, I'm scared that the same exact things will happen again. I do know that I don't want to enter into a relationship with that kind of bondage. Definitely can't do that. I have to get free from a good bit of things that I have affected me in my past.. and some of the things that are affecting me in the future.
Then I realized that I need to value myself a bit more than what I do now. I have been making progress, but there are still some things that I really need to adjust/change. Some standards that I've dropped or built because of some insecurities that remain.
These are all pretty much things that I need to give to God. I have to spend a LOT more time with Him as I continue on this journey. I know without Him, it will definitely take a LOT longer for me to complete all of this stuff...
hmmm...
No comments:
Post a Comment