I don't think that there is a day that goes by where I'm not thinking about what to do next. Seriously, in my free time, all I've been doing was applying for jobs. That's all I can sit and think about. Where am I going to go?
For some reason, ever since I was younger, I have ALWAYS wanted to move up North. Always. So as I've been looking through places and applying, I have managed to get two interviews up there. One in New Jersey and one in Pennsylvania. Both within 15 minutes of each other. But as I've been sitting here processing everything, I really do not think that moving up north is exactly where I am needed. This sounds completely crazy because all my life, I've wanted to be up there. But as the opportunity presents itself, the more unsure I get.
I become more sure about giving back to the places that have invested into me. I've always wanted to coach. I absolutely love mentoring. It has been something that I have been passionate about for years. It has been something that I've been doing throughout my entire duration at Liberty. To be honest, I don't think I want to live my life without doing so. All of this is crazy because I know that there is that one place that God is calling me to be. I just need to find it. Well, at least I thought I needed to find it.
I can't help it sometimes. I'm a planner. A BIG planner. So I just feel as though I should always have a plan. I mean, that's smart, right? I've never gone this long in my life without one. The weird thing is that I know I'm so close to getting there. SO close. But my selfishness is getting in the way. Yes, I'm being selfish right now. I'm being selfish because I don't want to be uncomfortable. I'm being selfish because I want to have an income so that I can take care of myself. I'm being selfish because, I'm not thinking about who I can impact, but myself.
One thing I know is that the Lord is calling me to be a leader. I mean, while there were a lot of reasons why I decided to come to Liberty for my undergrad, one of the main factors in me making the decision to come was because of how Liberty managed to develop leaders. Because I knew that this was what God was calling me to do, I had to be in a place that had forced me to become one. I came to Liberty in my Freshman year with the desire to become an RA.
However, when it comes to being a leader, you just can't live life without leading. Among the places that I have applied to, they were looking for someone that will be able to lead and manage a team. As awesome as that is, I don't think that is necessarily what I should be doing right now. Yes, the perks are nice. The promotions are nice. But is that necessarily my calling? To lead in the business sense?
I thought about that and I'm pretty sure the answer to it isn't yes. I mean, maybe it would be yes in a different molding.
When I was younger, I pushed against the idea of working in a ministry. Coming to college, I didn't want to work with any kind of non profit company or anything of the sort. Seriously, I got to Liberty and it seemed as though everyone wanted to do that. I was definitely not for that. I wanted to work in a field that was very competitive. I am competitive in nature, so I wanted to literally be stressed out by the end of the day from a long day of work. That kind of stuff makes me thrive. Knowing that I've accomplished something in the midst of pressure and stress makes me feel great. However, as I'm starting to think about where my passions are, working with a non-profit sounds so much more ideal. The weird thing is that I'm not sure where to look. It's crazy because things are formulating.
It's crazy because I think the Lord is leading me to look in a different place than I have been before. The crazier thing is that I'm not really sure where to start. This is one of those moments where I have to cling to the Lord so much harder than I have before. Because I know I'm close to figuring it out. I just have to get out of my selfish ways.
This is all so much to take in. But I know everything is going to fall into place
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