Just a ramble

I feel as though I'm going to be up all night tonight. Pretty much because: 1. I haven't fully finished packing. I have to wash and dry the remainder of my clothes. My mom put a comforter in the wash... so that's going to take quite a while.  2. I have to actually finish cleaning.  haha at least I got my bathroom clean, but my room... not so much.  I know this time around I have to actually have my room entirely clean because my aunt is coming down for a couple of days and I guess somebody will be staying in my room.

By the time I get all of that done, it'll be time for me to get up and get ready for church.  So I assume that I will have to enjoy a cup of coffee when I get to church.

I cannot believe that school will be starting in a couple of days... well.. actually a day.  I already have a lot of busy work to do when I get there.. like buying and exchanging books... studying for the SLD test.. an SLD interview.. talking with my RAs about me taking the SLD position and then possibly seeing where that goes.

My goal for the semester is to finish with a 4.0. It's highly possible.. but I do want to bring my gpa up just a tad.  I have a 3.75 now I believe.  It's not bad.. but I would love to receive suma cum laude when I graduate. So I will need a 3.85 to get that.  Which means I will have to have a couple of 4.0 semesters. Then no less than  3.5 in a few others. So far the lowest grade that I've gotten was 3.6, so if I just keep that as my low, and get a few more high gpa semesters, I should be good to go.  I believe that it could happen, I just definitely have to keep focused, organize my time better.  Minimize my leisure time on the internet, and it could happen.  I'm actually glad that I only have one class on Tuesday and Thursdays. So I have literally all day to study and do work.  Especially when it'll be a time that no one will be in the quad.  I also will have more than enough time to get a regular exercise routine going.  I am very much out of shape it is ridiculous.  I have to get overall body tone and I cannot allow it to get out of control.  I know that I can do it, I just have to put it into my schedule like it's a class.  And definitely work hard.

I have to actually complete my goal list for the year of 2012.. I have part of my list at school from last year, so I have to look at it and see what I've completed, and what I haven't.  Then I need to examine which ones are better to attain, spend some time making a template... then keeping them in my notebook somewhere.  I was kind of hoping that I would have more time to get it done tomorrow, but I know for a fact that I'm not going to get to school at a decent time. Well, maybe hopefully I can get to school by 5:30.. If I do, than I can possibly have some time to do so.

One thing that I want to do this semester is to get a job. I think either Monday or Tuesday, I'll go to the mall and put in some applications. Hopefully it'll work out that way. I have no preferences as to where I work.  My parents are at the point where they're like "your job is only school". However, I really feel as though I should start working towards doing something for myself, especially when it comes to wanting to do something that requires money, I want to be able to just get what I need to get right then and there without having to wait for it, or ask for the money. I don't think that's a bad desire to have.

But all in all.. that's what's going on in my head.. haha I actually think I can go to bed now...

-Quayla

Joseph-That Leader

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately.  Of course you hear from time to time that "so and so" is a GREAT leader.  But it actually made me want to look just a tad further as to what distinguishes a good leader... from a GREAT leader...

That's where the question "Where do I fit in?" comes.  I never really understood the fact as to why people said that I had the capabilities of being a leader. I felt as though it was strange, being the fact that I don't "force" my way into the perceived leadership position. Yes, I tend to be very competitive, but I somehow step aside and let someone else take that know "leadership" role in a group. Although I enjoy being the "go-to" person, I actually tend to sit back.  I'm not the "everything needs to be my way or else" kind of person....

But I'm not a "I'll let them handle it until they get lost or chaos comes" kind of leader either.

I've even taken classes where we discussed the types of leaders in groups, and I didn't fall into ANY of them... or at least I struggle with figuring it out.  So hearing the words "Quayla, you're a leader" really makes me wonder....

But then I started to reflect and think this....  "What attributes of a leader should I have? if I am, in fact going to be a leader? Or am one?"  

But for some reason... God bought me to Joseph.  I've read about him A LOT growing up.  Of course, there is always something more revelation to receive about the Word of God in every passage.  You can never FULLY receive a revelation in any portion.

Some of the things that were pointed out to me about Joseph's leadership were actually like "oh duh!" moments... but then there were a few that was like.. "wow.. I didn't know that!"  It was definitely insightful.

Joseph Mastered The Little Things...

Joseph was a slave... what can be more low than being a slave? He made the best of it, mastered that position and was promoted to being Potipher's personal servant... Then he went on to master in that position as well... But then he ended up in prison (Which I will discuss in a bit)... However, When Joseph was placed in prison, the warden apparently liked him so much that he placed him in charge of a certain amount of prisioners....

That's definitely something that leaders should take into consideration... The things that really don't seem like a big deal to us, may actually be a BIG deal in the long run..  

Joseph Did Not Give Into Sexual Temptation

Potipher's wife attempted to seduce Joseph. Which led to him being placed in prison basically.  Now, for the average man... actually.. for any man.. that is NOT and easy thing to deal with. I can't really say how Potipher's wife looked in appearance, but let's just assume that she was pretty. Joseph to taking the initiative to run away from the temptation was a BIG deal. 

Leaders cannot give into those temptations.. it is definitely a hard in our generation to resist it. Especially when everything in media, music, friends, etc. are making it appear acceptable. But it is important to take a stand against those temptations and run away from it

Joseph Respected His Leaders

That's definitely one that we don't think about often...  Joseph respected Potipher enough to not sleep with his wife... 

Joseph Was Concerned With the Way God Viewed Him.

 Joseph fled from temptation because he was concerned about him sinning against God (Genesis 39:9).  Although he did express his respect for Potipher, he was more concerned with the evil act. 

Joseph Was Patient

He spent about 13 years in slavery... He probably didn't know what God's plan for him was from the beginning, but he allowed God to work and move on his behalf...

Joseph Gave All Credit to God For His Gift

Joseph was able to interpret dreams! I mean, we've all heard of those crazy people that try to tell you what your dreams mean.. When majority of those people are just trying to get money out of it. ABSOLUTELY gives NO credit to God.. 

Joseph was God-inspired, which is why he had the gift to interpret dreams. It's only right to give Him credit for it.

Joseph Encouraged Others to Lead-He was Humble

Joseph didn't jump into the leadership role after he explained Pharaoh's dream.  He immediately told Pharaoh that he had to find someone that fit the qualifications to lead Egypt through the famine. 


Joseph Was Strategic/He Planned
I don't know how it was humanly possible to store enough food to last an entire population of Egypt for 7 Years... Let alone, having enough to give out to people who were not living in Egypt! Either their appetites weren't nearly as big as ours or something... But however it was done, definitely required a lot of time to plan. He mastered that..


Joseph didn't allow his "past" to determine his future...


It's hard to deal with when your own flesh and blood sells you into slavery.  How can you deal with that? I'm sure Joseph had a lot of time to think about it. He had to have experienced a lot of hurt and pain. But he was able to forgive and act on forgiveness... 

Those were a few things that I was able to pull from it.. Definitely a good thing to use to examine where I am.

Random Thoughts-Brainstorming.. MONEY!! haha

I had an intense urge to journal.. but for some odd reason, I decided to leave my books at school.
I couldn't wait any longer to fill something into it. So I'm going to fill in a blog post.

Coming home for Winter Break is definitely a combination of excitement, relaxation... and then frustration to boredom.  For me to be "mentally" stable, I have to be active and doing something constantly... so sitting around for four weeks of the same exact routine of nothing-ness is absolutely a drag.  I'm actually kind of hoping that I won't have to have another break like this ever again.  (Especially Summer)

Though, I don't think I'm going to come home for Spring Break this year.  I'm hoping that I can at least have a job somewhere in Lynchburg that I can possibly be working at during that break.  I'm in the process of applying for quite a bit of places.  Getting applications printed and ready so that as soon as I get to Lynchburg, I can go and submit them.

Right now, the biggest set-back is not having a car, or a consistent phone number. I can't take the statement of "believing God" for those things, without taking the initiative to stepping in action to getting them.  So, me getting a car is going to start by me first getting a job. I've been blessed because my quadmate is willing to take me to work by just chipping in for gas.  Which is a BIG help. Especially since the places in Lynchburg are so close to school.
Hopefully, if things go well, I can have a job for the Spring Semester, and then working/transferring to a location in Richmond for the Summer.. or working at a camp.  They are going to do a Camp Fair in February at Liberty.  So I will take the initiative to apply to as many as possible.  For one, being in Richmond is not going to do much for me. Secondly, I need to get money saved up for quite a bit of things.

The thing about working is that I have tons of experience... just volunteer work.. So I guess it's time to start making money for it.  And I'm way past the age of relying on my parents to give me money.

I think I should apply to become a nanny or something lol.  I've heard that they actually bring in a bit. And I'm really good with children for one.  I've worked with them for years.  I guess the biggest downfall to actually becoming a nanny is the fact that I don't have CPR certification -___- ha.

Then I'm looking around for some other ideas.  Like potential selling stock photos.  I have quite a bit that I can use now.. But I wonder how much I can get from it.  If it works well I can definitely use the extra cash.

But everything will fall into place.  I just need not worry about it.  I'm glad at the moment I don't have any expenses.. but is it weird that I want to just create that responsibility on my own?

Now I'm trying to decide if its the fact that I just need something to do, or just want money.. or both haha.

Yeah... it's probably both.

-Quayla

Conflict.. peace...

For the past few days (well.. weeks), I've been reflecting and valuing peace.

I did NOT value it nearly as much as I should have... but this semester, I didn't realize how much I took it for granted.

Conflict... I have not seen so much in my entire life until this semester.  It's just the point where everything is all over the place and its so much to mentally handle.  I'm not even involved in it and it's overwhelming to deal with on a personal level.  Actually.. I don't see how anyone can personally handle conflict on their own.  It is something that you have to let God become involved.  Because honestly.. the fact that the conflict that I've been involved in this semester was so minimal... is only because of God (if you can understand that).  I mean, I'm not sure whether or not there is anyone on the hall that has an issue with me.  I don't care really. Not everyone in the world is going to like me.. but I do have to do everything that is possible to make sure that I am at peace with everyone.

I think, if I were to be selected to be an RA, that would be the biggest struggle for me. I sort of mentioned it in my application...  I know that I can handle it, but it's just the fact that my approach to it is different than most.   For one, I grew up spending time with guys. The way guys deal with conflict is so much different than the way that girls deal with it.  Girls have to talk about it all the time, even when it's over and done with.  Guys just deal with it and be done.  

I really am reminding myself that it is our job to remain peaceable with all men.  Peace is IMPORTANT.  God even mention that a house divided cannot stand. My parents used to mention it a lot.. and it's SOO true.  It is definitely an area where I'm going to focus on next in my personal growth.

I need more guy friends. lol or at least call and talk to my dad and my brother more often... that is a good plan actually. lol

But here is my little rant

I find it interesting that as I'm maturing, I really enjoy coming home for break to my family.  I've been here for my second day and nothing has clashed. We've been getting along, I'm not annoyed.  I really did not realize how immature I once was until now.  When I felt as though the things that I had issues with were actually there to better myself.  I am very grateful for my family and the fact that they are constantly pushing me to have a relationship with Christ.  Then for one, I am thankful that I have a relationship with Him.

I think that this week will be a refresher for me. I want to take this time to reflect.  Catch up with a few people, then get some needed work done. So far, I did accomplish getting my braids out.  Which is a BIG deal haha. They take HOURS.  

Tomorrow, I will have to get research done for my presentation and e-mail it do one of my group members.  Then possibly taking pictures since it'll be 70 degrees.  Monday... probably roaming around taking more pictures and then going to my brother's first basketball game.  Tuesday working on my presentation.. then doing extra credit stuff for my design class (I shockingly have an A in the class, but I may need the extra credit since this magazine is worth a BIG chunk of my final grade).Wednesday, pictures maybe? Then church.  Thursday, Thanksgiving.. Friday.. maybe hanging out somewhere and taking more pictures?  Saturday, maybe pictures then heading back to Lynchburg for my final two weeks of the semester.  

Ha my major plan is to take a series of pictures for my final exam project.  My theme is companionship.. so I want to incorporate that with people and inanimate objects.  I kind of want to utilize downtown and see if the buildings would help some.  If it works out, I can do it on Friday or something. I need to spend time tomorrow sketching out a plan.  What I want to use, etc.  I need a minimum of 35 images.. but for the sake of my song selection, I need 50.  The song that I'm choosing is "I'll Be There" by Tiffany Evans.  It's actually a really good one and would fit perfectly.  I just need to get the images, then make the slideshow when I get back to school.  These next two weeks won't be the toughest, which I'm glad.  So I may actually get a chance to catch up on sleep and be energized for the exams that I have.  

I need to figure out what I"m going to do for Christmas break though.  Possibly applying for jobs in Lynchburg and then browsing for little random side jobs to get a little income in.  I definitely want to start saving and becoming more independent.  I know my parents are willing to help, but it is good to have something that you've earned.  

We'll see about it all. I should take a bunch of pictures and sell them or something. Like stock images.. lol I may actually try it and see if it works.  It just might. 

But all in all.... I think that this week will be more of a relaxing, hobby time week.  It'll be great.  

-Quayla

I kind of want to make blogging a consistent thing. We will see.

This blog I think I'll make just a bit more personal than usual.  Not that I'm going to go into deep details about myself. But I think I'll be a bit more transparent than what I have been.

Although I have sought to experience a level of growth constantly in the past, I feel as though this semester has been the one where I have grown the most. I've become more knowledgeable about the fact that I am absolutely worthless without God. I've always known.. but now I KNOW.

I do feel as though the area that I've been relying on Him the most this semester was my emotions/feelings.  Now I'm not much of any emotional person.. but as far as my feelings go.. I would definitely like to have a better guard. In a way that I'm not falling for someone easily (which doesn't really happen), where I'm not feeling inadequate because someone doesn't share mutual interest, and where I don't have a wall built so hard that no one can pass.   I feel as though its becoming easier lately. Mainly because I really have developed a level of humility but an increasing love for myself.  Which comes from my increasing love for God.
For the first time in my life, I can really say that I'm falling more in love with God everyday.  That greatly contributes to the love I have for myself.  Which in turn has transformed me into becoming that Proverbs 31 woman.. not only on a spiritual level, but physically and mentally as well. Things that never sparked my interest before this semester suddenly does .. I'm becoming girly.  Its crazy. But fun.

But when it does come to my emotions... old things resurface.. and I really do not know how to perceive or handle it. Its been something that I've dealt with the hardest this semester. It got to the point where I was tired of the cycle. God is still working on it, but I do see progress. Its so comforting to know that.

One thing I've noticed this semester is how well I get along with people.  There has been so much tension going on lately between other people and I really don't see why either party would feel that way about the other.  Its weird. But I have had the time to observe and apparently I'm the advice giver sometimes.

But it's getting late. Even though I can sleep in tomorrow,  I still want to get as much as I can.

-Quayla

Pride...leadership...

There is a time in your life when you really figure out who you are when you're faced with a questionable situation.  The decisions that you make reflect who you are becoming.

Of course this is something that you kind of "know" but don't really know. If that makes any sense. I've experienced something that I've never had before out of the 19 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I heard someone say that being in an interracial relationship with someone was out of the will of God. Then I was confirmed that she, along with her parents believed that.  For someone to have the audacity to say that to someone of a different ethnicity is not only offensive, it hurts.  I was very angry and upset.  At first, I didn't even want to look at her. I really had to get my entire self together in order to be able to look at and say something to her.  No one has ever made a racial slur to me in that way before.  Of course I have had someone ask questions out of curiosity regarding my race, but never have someone boldly saying something related to what I can and cannot do because of the color of my skin.

An automatic reaction for this is definitely to react physically.  I'm not a fighter, but at that moment, I really wanted to. This is when I'm glad that I have the parents that I do, because somehow, my mom texted me at the right time last night asking how I was doing. I mentioned what happened and then she mentioned it to my dad.  I talked to both of them about it and it helped.  My dad instructed me to talked to my RAs about the whole situation, and I did.  It was definitely a big help.  I never have been surrounded... or actually was comfortable enough to seek counsel from someone that is as wise as my parents and my RAs.  It makes me happy to know that I have grown in the area of being able to seek and ask someone for help when I need it.

Wow.. now that I'm thinking about it. To know that the pride that I had in my life is leaving me.... I never used to do something like that.  I've never been comfortable enough to express how I felt about things because I was "afraid" of what they might think of me or what they may say to me... I've never wanted to ask someone for help because I thought that I could figure it all out on my own.  In all actuality, it was pride.

I really enjoy the fact that I do have people, especially the leaders that have been set forth before me, that I can talk to about things like this.  I enjoy the fact that I know that they're going to tell me what the Lord says about things that I'm dealing with.  It's definitely the kind of leader that I want to eventually become.

I'm not happy that it has taken a situation like this for me to realize the areas in which I have grown and the areas that I do need to grow in.  However, it is good to know that I have grown.

It's a process of something that I do have to continue to work on.  I have to forgive in this situation and move on to the bigger and better things that God has for me in my life.

-Quayla